Joke of the day

Share your jokes and funny campfire stories with us here.
Forum rules
Please keep it light hearted enol. No serious stufs hey! :)

BEFORE YOU START A NEW JOKES THREAD PLEASE TAKE NOTE:
We are trying to make the technical information more visible in the Active Topics section. So we are trying to combine all the humour posts into a single thread. This will then more or less always stay on the active topics page if you keep appending your jokes onto this single thread. Your assistance will be greatly appreciated
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:blackeye: :blackeye:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Froll »

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

:lol: :lol:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

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Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Toppie4x4 »

sounds familiar around my house :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Hoppy »

Boobs.png
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The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Thunder02 »

I am 100 % behind free range :cooldude:
Not all those who wander are lost!

Scout motto:be prepared....
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Froll »

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by KOBUSL »

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Word te vinnig oud en te stadig wys.
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

:lol: :lol: :lol: Good one! Could use that idea from time to time!
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

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Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by louis fourie »

Mud Dog wrote::lol: :lol: :lol: Good one! Could use that idea from time to time!
You will get very poor in good old South Africa:o
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Thunder02 »

Not even going to laugh at that one, very true.
Not all those who wander are lost!

Scout motto:be prepared....
www.4x4direct.co.za
Email: boksburg@4x4direct.co.za
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

I did not know where to post it :blink:

So I thought maybe someone would be able to find it funny, but alas, I might have been mistaken :blackeye: :blackeye:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Thunder02 »

4x4BEES wrote:I did not know where to post it :blink:

So I thought maybe someone would be able to find it funny, but alas, I might have been mistaken :blackeye: :blackeye:
It's funny when the women are not around :lmao:
Not all those who wander are lost!

Scout motto:be prepared....
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Email: boksburg@4x4direct.co.za
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

A koala is sitting up a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past ,
looks up and says "Hey Koala ! what are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.
But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over, falls into the river and gets washed downstream.
A crocodile sees him and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks
the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in
the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out, swims upstream and finds the tree where
the koala is sitting finishing a joint. He looks up and says "Hey you!"
So the koala looks down at him and says:





"Geez dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

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Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

The very first ever Blonde Guy joke??


An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said,
'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.'

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed,'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'

The blonde opened his lunch and said, ' Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.'

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!'

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. She said, ...........





'Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch!!'
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

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Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

A HUSBAND WHO LISTENS

He said: "What can I help you with?

She said: “Take these potatoes, Peel half of them and put them in the pot.


½ peeled potatoes.jpg
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When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
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Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by ChrisF »

women really need to give CLEAR instructions !!!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Froll »

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

ex.jpg
ex.jpg (23.03 KiB) Viewed 9976 times
taco.jpg
(62.41 KiB) Downloaded 308 times
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Hoppy »

Whatever.jpg
Image
aev@iburst.co.za
The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :blackeye: :blackeye: :surrender:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by ChrisF »

en hulle sê n man het n one-track-mind ....
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Toppie4x4 »

vat so katvis :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

phpBB [video]

View Original
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Oupa Stig »

Daai antie sukkel maar...

If you look at your fuel gauge you'll see a little fuel pump symbol. Apparently the side of the hose on the pump symbol (or on some vehicles a little arrow) is the side on which your fuel cap sits.
would be interesting to see if this is always true...
I feel a lot less wise at 45 than I did at 15.
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by ChrisF »

Oupa Stig wrote:Daai antie sukkel maar...

If you look at your fuel gauge you'll see a little fuel pump symbol. Apparently the side of the hose on the pump symbol (or on some vehicles a little arrow) is the side on which your fuel cap sits.
would be interesting to see if this is always true...
heard this one before ....

Just checked the Etios and the Hilux

"hose" sits on the RIGHT

Little arrow head on the LEFT, pointing to the filler cap on the left side of the vehicle ...
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by dalkill »

:lmao:
deja_moo.jpg
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2016 2.4GD6 SR D/C 4x4 (Oct 2022 - current) (Buraaq VI)
2007 d4d 3.0 D/C 4x4 (Mar 2016 - July 2022) (Buraaq V)
2003 Isuzu KB300 D/C 4x4 (May 2015 - Feb 2016) aka Buraaq IV
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TOYOTA IS MY LEWE
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

Well done CGI (from Mall Cop 2), but still funny ....


phpBB [video]

View Original
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

If that was real, he would have been dead :shock2: :shock2:

Very well done :thumbup:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

Vladimir Putin, wanting to get on the good side of voters, goes to visit a school in Moscow to have a chat with the kids. He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people.

At the end of the talk, there is a section for questions,

Little Sasha puts her hand up and says "I have two questions. Why did the Russians take Crimea? And why are we sending troops to the Ukraine?"



Putin says "Good questions." But just as he is about to answer, the bell goes, and the kids go off to lunch.


When they come back, they sit back down and it is question time again.

Another girl, Misha, puts her hand up and says "I have four questions.
My questions are - Why did the Russians invade Crimea? Why are we sending troops to the Ukraine? Why did the bell go 20 minutes early? And where is Sasha?"
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
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Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by KOBUSL »

FORD15.jpg
Word te vinnig oud en te stadig wys.
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Toppie4x4 »

Puik :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Hoppy »

Snorkel.jpg
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Image
aev@iburst.co.za
The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Hoppy »

Grensvegter.jpg
(47.91 KiB) Downloaded 500 times
Image
aev@iburst.co.za
The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Toppie4x4 »

Lekker ma lekker waarmee skiet hulle 303???? :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Hoppy »

Gatiepie en Gammat sit op deathrow en kry electric chair.
Gatiep vra vir die bewaarder: "Ek sê my bra, is die 'n lang en pynvolle storie?".
"Nee", sê die bewaarder, ons strap jou net vas en flip 'n switch en alles is verby.
Daar kom vat hulle eerste Gammat en vir ure later hoor Gatiep steeds vir Gammat skreeu- "eina eina , dis seer , EINA, EINA". Gatiep vra toe vir die bewaarder: "Ek sê my broe, ek dog jhy sê disi 'n groot storie nie, hoe kreun my chommie dan so lank in ure van pyn en lyding?"
Die bewaarder antwoord: "Jy sien, die ding staan so.....
As gevolg van Eskom se load shedding is die krag af, ons moet hom nou maar met kerse brand !"
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The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Oupa Stig »

Jiggs McDonald, NHL Hall of Fame broadcaster speaking in Ontario,says:
 "I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Toronto. I think it should be the goal of every Canadian to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs.
Thus the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance."
 “That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque; thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque.
 We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy," and the other, a topless bar, would be called "You Mecca Me Hot."
“Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called "Iraq of Ribs."
“Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret," with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods.”, and on the other side a liquor store called "Morehammered."
“All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us.” Yes we should promote tolerance, and you can do your part by passing this on."
And if you are not laughing or smiling at this point... It is either past your bedtime, or it's midnight at the oasis and time to take your camel to bed…..
 
I feel a lot less wise at 45 than I did at 15.
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

F_D dishwasher! :mocking:

FD dishwash.jpg
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When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

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Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

IRISHMAN'S FIRST DRINK WITH HIS SON


While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint.

Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage.

I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.

Then I got him a Kilkenny's, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.

Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager? He didn't. I drank it.

I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's, nope!

In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast, Ireland's finest. He wouldn't even smell it.

What could I do but drink it!

By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so ***kin' shit-faced I could hardly push his pram back Home.
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

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Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Froll »

:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by KOBUSL »

WARM WATER.jpg
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Word te vinnig oud en te stadig wys.
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by ChrisF »

KOBUSL wrote:
WARM WATER.jpg
eskom keeps up their "stuff" and we may soon copy this design ... :slap: :oops:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

Today, a friend of mine’s wife said to him,

"Honey, get off your butt and fix that gutter downspout! And I want it done before the end of the day!”

Well, most of my friends are retired and do have the time to address such “Honey do’s”..

So, he invited some of us neighbourhood buddies over to help with the project.

One is a sheet metal fabricator.

One brought his welder.

One brought beer and Nachos.

One brought a grill and burgers.

Took us about 4-6 hours, and 30-40 beers,

but we got it done just as we finished off the last of the burgers.

As usual, his wife is still not happy!

Can’t understand, cause all us guys love it!

Personally, I cannot wait for it to rain again.





D_PIPE.JPG
(30.46 KiB) Downloaded 323 times
:D:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

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Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by dalkill »

KOBUSL wrote:
WARM WATER.jpg
:lmao:

check the name of the gas stove... so fitting for South Africa
2016 2.4GD6 SR D/C 4x4 (Oct 2022 - current) (Buraaq VI)
2007 d4d 3.0 D/C 4x4 (Mar 2016 - July 2022) (Buraaq V)
2003 Isuzu KB300 D/C 4x4 (May 2015 - Feb 2016) aka Buraaq IV
2000 hilux DC 2.7 4x4 (Jul 2011 - Sep 2012) aka Buraaq III
1999 RXI 20v (Nov 2009 - Jul 2011) aka Quicksilver
1990 hilux DC 2.2 4x4 (Jun 2008 - Jul 2011) aka Buraaq II
1997 corolla 160i GLE (Feb 2007 - Sep 2009) aka Green Goblin
1990 GLI twincam (still my fav rolla) (Oct 2005 - Mar 2007) aka Wit Blitz
Golf GTI 2.0 (temp insanity for 2months) (Jun 2005 - Aug 2005) aka A mistake
1993 hilux SC 2.2 4x4 (April 2003 - Sept 2005) aka Buraaq

TOYOTA IS MY LEWE
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by ChrisF »

dalkill wrote:
KOBUSL wrote:
The attachment WARM WATER.jpg is no longer available
:lmao:

check the name of the gas stove... so fitting for South Africa
sona (Small).jpg
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

She hangs up phone after a long chat.

He comments "That was a quick call by your standards, only 20 minutes! Who was it?"

She, "Wrong number".
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million."

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
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Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Toppie4x4 »

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

Image
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by ChrisF »

Kevin you know why the following comes in WHITE :

- dish washer
- washing machine
- tumble drier
- kettle
- microwave
- the bride
- a Hilux







simple really .... appliances comes in WHITE.





sorry manne, ek sal maar self in die hoek loop sit
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

:deadhorse: :deadhorse: :whip: :blackeye: :blackeye:
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