Joke of the day

Hilux 1 · Post by **Hilux 1** » Tue May 13, 2014 9:48 am

julle flou nulle was laasjaar daar ne. nou is dit maar ons oumanne se beurt. Hopenlik gaan die d:ose se oe oop en gebruik bietjie meer in heemse jong spelers soos bv die VARCITY CUP wenners etc. bou op. maar nee kwotas is meer belangrik blykbaar

Warrior · Post by **Warrior** » Tue May 13, 2014 9:58 am

Stem saam Ters ! Ons Camo Koeie is ook ma net so op en af soos n bordeel matras !

Ten minste het ons darem vir Hoppy en Kevin om julle uit te haal !!!

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Tue May 13, 2014 10:12 am

Hulle se vanoggend op KFM dat daar al 22 beseerde spelers op die Stormers bank sit, duidelik is daar iewers iets fout en met die ander spanne gaan dit nie veel beter nie.

Hierdie is maar net "local" grappies, maar ek raak al meer bekommerd oor die world cup volgende jaar.

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Tue May 13, 2014 1:17 pm

Stem saam. Ons Blou Bulle sit met 9 eerste span beseerings,
wat nog van die replacements wat ook beseer is.

Die feit dat Heyneke Meyer so still is pla my ook vreeslik.
'n Mens sien nie eens hom in die stadions nie.

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Tue May 13, 2014 1:57 pm

: GNel.jpg (22.85 KiB) Viewed 7353 times

Post by **Mud Dog** » Tue May 13, 2014 2:14 pm

Retiree Mental Fitness Evaluation

This test is to ascertain your mental state now. If you get one right you are
doing ok, if you get none right you better go for counseling. (I'll meet you there.)

There are 4 test questions. Don’t miss one.

Giraffe Test

1.. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down.

The correct answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

Elephant Test

2.. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator? Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

Lion King Test

3.. The Lion King is hosting an Animal Conference. All the animals attend ... except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.

Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

Crocodile Test

4.. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Haven’t you
been lis-ten-ing? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Conference. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the Retirees they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively proves the theory that most Retirees do not have the brains of a four-year-old.

ChrisF · Post by **ChrisF** » Tue May 13, 2014 2:35 pm

Andy nice one :)

thankfully learnt from my mistakes and the last one right ...

couple of years back a proffie did some research - during the first week first year students wrote "entry exams". FIVE MONTHS later he included some of these same questions in the final exam - LOWER "pass rate" for these questions than during the entry exams !!!!! people are GOOD at un-learning things ...

Post by **Mud Dog** » Tue May 13, 2014 3:24 pm

Locating a lost wife.....

A husband went to the police station for filing a report for his missing wife.

Husband :-I lost my wife, she went shopping and has not returned.

Inspector :-What is her height?

Husband:- I'm not too sure.

Inspector :-Slim or heavy?

Husband:- Not slim exactly.

Inspector :-Colour of eyes ?

Husband :-Never noticed.

Inspector :-Colour of hair ?

Husband :-Changes according to season.

Inspector :-What was she wearing?

Husband :-Jeans/suit/.... I don’t remember exactly.

Inspector :-Was she in a car?

Husband :-yes.

Inspector :-tell me the number, name and colour of the car?

Husband :-Black Audi A8 with super charged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tip tronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door. My new custom fit golf clubs, Powacaddy electric trolley are in the trunk.

(and then the husband started crying...)

Inspector:-Don't worry sir,... . .We'll find your car

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Tue May 13, 2014 3:51 pm

Samurai wrote:
GNel.jpg

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Tue May 13, 2014 5:25 pm

4 runner oldie · Post by **4 runner oldie** » Wed May 14, 2014 3:31 am

Please set a password to register.

cabbage

Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

boiled cabbage

Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

1 boiled cabbage

Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.

50soddingboiledcabbages

Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.

50SODDINGboiledcabbages

Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.

50SoddingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYours,IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessImmediately

Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

NowIAmGettingReallyPissedOff50SoddingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourarseIfYoudontGiveMeAccessImmediately

Sorry, that password is already in use !

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Wed May 14, 2014 5:40 am

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Wed May 14, 2014 6:09 am

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Saw.jpg: (101.27 KiB) Downloaded 284 times

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Wed May 14, 2014 8:03 am

ChrisF · Post by **ChrisF** » Wed May 14, 2014 8:12 am

darwin at work ...

Post by **Mud Dog** » Wed May 14, 2014 8:55 am

: password.jpg (120.3 KiB) Viewed 7265 times

Post by **Mud Dog** » Wed May 14, 2014 8:59 am

A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued Wellington
Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied:

"Mr. Maynard was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight."

Post by **Mud Dog** » Wed May 14, 2014 9:50 am

phpBB [video]

View Original

phpBB [video]

View Original

Blitzkrieg · Post by **Blitzkrieg** » Wed May 14, 2014 10:22 am

Daai beam deur die vooruit joke sal my nogal onstel as dit my Hilux is! Daai harde hoede gaan nie help as ek my G17 Glock by my het nie!

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Wed May 14, 2014 11:09 am

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Wed May 14, 2014 7:46 pm

Post by **Mud Dog** » Thu May 15, 2014 8:45 am

The Happy Hangover

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting for him. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 in the morning, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

...

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,'Leave me alone, I'm married!'"

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Thu May 15, 2014 9:53 am

The Walmart Greeter

A manager at Walmart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening.
After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified.
He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.
Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, ‘What is the fastest thing you know of?’

The first man replied, ‘A THOUGHT.’ It just pops into your head.
There’s no warning.

‘That’s very good!’ replied the interviewer. ‘And, now you sir?’, he asked the second man.

‘Hmmm…let me see ‘A blink! It comes and goes and you don’t know that it ever happened.
A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.’

‘Excellent!’ said the interviewer. ‘The blink of an eye, that’s a very popular cliché for speed.’
He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

‘Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there’s a light switch.
When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant.
‘Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of’.

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man.
‘It’s hard to beat the speed of light,’ he said.

Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, ‘After hearing the previous three answers, it’s obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.’

‘WHAT!?’ said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

‘Oh sure’, said BUBBA. ‘You see, the other day I wasn’t feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom,
but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already s**t my pants.’

Warrior · Post by **Warrior** » Thu May 15, 2014 1:55 pm

n Universiteitstudent gaan huis toe vir die vakansie en waarsku haar ouers dat sy haar nuwe kêrel saambring.

Die ou is 'n dwergie en die student vra haar ouers om asseblief tog haar sesjarige sussie in te lig.

Die ma neem vir kleinsus eenkant en se "Poplap, jou ouer suster kom die naweek huis toe en sy bring haar nuwe kêrel saam. Hy lyk anders as ons, maar jy mag nie vir hom vrae vra of na hom staar nie, gehoor?"

Kleinsus verstaan mooi en belowe om haar te gedra. Ousus en haar kêrel daag op en toe Kleinsus die kêreltjie sien, kon sy haarself skaars beteuel.

Die gesin gaan sit aan vir aandete en Kleinsus vermy oogkontak met die gas en bly tjoepstil. Net na die hoofgereg dra die ouers en ousus die vuil borde kombuis toe en gaan berei die nagereg voor.

Dis net Kleinsus en die dwerg aan tafel. 'n Ongemaklike stilte heers 'n rukkie, maar toe kan die meisietjie dit nie meer hou nie en vra:"Hoe gaan dit met Sneeuwitjie?

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Thu May 15, 2014 4:38 pm

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Thu May 15, 2014 6:05 pm

I’m off to Specsavers for my appointment. By the way
you haven't shaved very well and your tie is crooked!

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Thu May 15, 2014 7:08 pm

Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Thu May 15, 2014 7:28 pm

Thought she would say that scew tie is to short

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Thu May 15, 2014 9:30 pm

Post by **CasKru** » Fri May 16, 2014 6:43 am

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Post by **Mud Dog** » Fri May 16, 2014 7:39 am

That could get weird, Cas .... looks like the one you carry in your back pocket for 'stirring'.

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Fri May 16, 2014 8:08 am

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Fri May 16, 2014 8:23 am

So true

Obelix and Dogmatix · Post by **Obelix and Dogmatix** » Fri May 16, 2014 8:28 am

[img]http://s1344.photobucket.com/user/Quent ... sort=1&o=0[/img]

and is seems like the vehicle on the left of the photo has a inferior complex.

Besides that nice photo

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Fri May 16, 2014 8:30 am

Can't see the pic boet

carlo4e · Post by **carlo4e** » Fri May 16, 2014 8:47 am

Too bad about the insurance bit.. Imagine the amount I could safe for fuel!

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Fri May 16, 2014 9:22 am

Post by **Mud Dog** » Fri May 16, 2014 9:27 am

Post by **CasKru** » Fri May 16, 2014 9:40 am

carlo4e · Post by **carlo4e** » Fri May 16, 2014 10:01 am

grobbepj · Post by **grobbepj** » Fri May 16, 2014 10:52 am

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Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Fri May 16, 2014 10:54 am

: trafic jams.jpg (32.08 KiB) Viewed 7217 times

grobbepj · Post by **grobbepj** » Fri May 16, 2014 10:57 am

Some proper weekend footwear??

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Post by **CasKru** » Fri May 16, 2014 10:58 am

Hoppy wrote:
trafic jams.jpg

Ek gaan meer so een nodig kry elke dag
Image Link Broken

grobbepj · Post by **grobbepj** » Fri May 16, 2014 11:09 am

CasKru wrote:
Hoppy wrote:
trafic jams.jpg
Ek gaan meer so een nodig kry elke dag

Goeie idee vir n nuwe dash cover...

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Fri May 16, 2014 11:11 am

Toppie4x4 · Post by **Toppie4x4** » Fri May 16, 2014 3:55 pm

Aan daardie blonde seksbom wat vanmiddag net na 15h20 met n sakkie katkos en 2 liter Coke by Pick & Pay uitgestap het: Jy het so n pienk laehalstoppie aangehad en n kort, wit denimrompie met so toutjiebelt met n goue gespe. Jy het lang bruin bene, met die mooiste voete in daai kraletjiesandale. Jy het verby my geloop na jou wit dubbelkajuitbakkie met die John Deers-plakker agterop en jy het my in die oe gekyk en geglimlag. Ek het nie woorde gehad nie: Jy het die mooiste flippen Hilux!!!! (Huisgenoot)

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Fri May 16, 2014 4:19 pm

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Fri May 16, 2014 4:20 pm

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Froll · Post by **Froll** » Fri May 16, 2014 4:43 pm

grobbepj · Post by **grobbepj** » Fri May 16, 2014 7:41 pm

Post by **CasKru** » Fri May 16, 2014 7:42 pm

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Fri May 16, 2014 8:06 pm

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Fri May 16, 2014 8:39 pm

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Sat May 17, 2014 3:41 pm

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Sat May 17, 2014 4:27 pm

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Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Sat May 17, 2014 4:31 pm

Post by **george** » Sat May 17, 2014 5:04 pm

Hoppy wrote:
Boob.jpg

En as jy pas getroud is spel jy dit nog BOOP

Post by **george** » Sat May 17, 2014 5:13 pm

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4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Sat May 17, 2014 6:19 pm