Joke of the day

Share your jokes and funny campfire stories with us here.
Forum rules
Please keep it light hearted enol. No serious stufs hey! :)

BEFORE YOU START A NEW JOKES THREAD PLEASE TAKE NOTE:
We are trying to make the technical information more visible in the Active Topics section. So we are trying to combine all the humour posts into a single thread. This will then more or less always stay on the active topics page if you keep appending your jokes onto this single thread. Your assistance will be greatly appreciated
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Mud Dog
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Real Name: Andy

Mon Jul 25, 2016 12:20 am

Cute! :D:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

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GI Jane
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Real Name: Val
ORRA Call Sign: X112

Wed Jul 27, 2016 12:01 pm

sweet... them two little ones aren't getting any exercise..
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Dirka
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Fri Aug 05, 2016 12:22 pm

Image
I got arrested for driving naked. I guess I shouldn’t have put four wheels, an engine, and a steering wheel on my bathtub.
I’m a do-it-yourself kind of lover.
” ― J. Kintz

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Mud Dog
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Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Fri Aug 05, 2016 3:44 pm

:laugh2: :laugh2:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

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ChrisF
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Real Name: Chris

Fri Aug 05, 2016 6:19 pm

SIEN, brandewyn het nie brieke nie ....

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Obelix and Dogmatix
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Real Name: Quentin
Location: Allens Nek

Fri Aug 12, 2016 8:57 am

For Muslim brother replace Allah with another Religion

I decided to go to the local mosque at Masterton for the
first time to see what it was all about:

I sat down and the Imam came up to me, laid his hands on my hand and said:

"By the will of Allah and the prophet Mohammad - you will walk today."

I told him I wasn't paralyzed, I only had a small bunion on my left foot.

He came back and laid his hands on me and looking skywards, earnestly
repeated his mantra:

"By the will of Allah and the prophet Mohammad - you will walk today."

Once again, I told him there was nothing wrong with me.

After prayers I stepped outside?
And F### me ----



MY CAR WAS GONE !!!!
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
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Mud Dog
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Real Name: Andy

Fri Aug 12, 2016 10:51 am

:laugh2: :laugh2:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

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Borntofish
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Real Name: Werner

Fri Aug 12, 2016 2:31 pm

A Texan walks into an Irish pub and clears his voice to address the crowd of drinkers. He says, 'I hear you Irish are damn good drinkers. I'll bet 500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.'
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. 'Is your bet still good?' asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back. The other patrons cheer as the Texan watches in amazement.
The texan gives the Irishman his money and says, 'If you don't mind me askin', where did you go for the past 30 minutes?'. The Irishman replies, 'Oh.... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.'

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Baasvark
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Fri Aug 12, 2016 5:25 pm

Borntofish wrote:A Texan walks into an Irish pub and clears his voice to address the crowd of drinkers. He says, 'I hear you Irish are damn good drinkers. I'll bet 500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.'
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. 'Is your bet still good?' asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back. The other patrons cheer as the Texan watches in amazement.
The texan gives the Irishman his money and says, 'If you don't mind me askin', where did you go for the past 30 minutes?'. The Irishman replies, 'Oh.... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.'
Brilliant!!!
Aint it ironic that "Common Sense" aint so common after all...

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Dowe Koos
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Fri Aug 12, 2016 6:21 pm

+100 :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
Ecc 1:9 Wat gewees het, dit sal daar weer wees; en wat gebeur het, dit sal weer gebeur, en daar is glad niks nuuts onder die son nie.

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Obelix and Dogmatix
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Real Name: Quentin
Location: Allens Nek

Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:04 am

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning.
It was a fine spring day in his new parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was . . . a donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.

The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St.Ann's Catholic Church.
There's a donkey lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the Irish accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied,
"Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a moment . . . .. . ... ..........
Father O'Malley then replied:
"Aye,' tis certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
Image

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Obelix and Dogmatix
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Joined: Sun Nov 17, 2013 5:27 pm
Town: ROODEPOORT
Vehicle: HILUX 4.0 V6 4x4 named Obelix, donated to some clown, HILUX 4.0 V6 4x4 named Obelix II Onca front and rear Amade extreme Suspension and under water breathing apparatus
Real Name: Quentin
Location: Allens Nek

Thu Aug 18, 2016 1:34 pm

A woman is sitting at a bar enjoying a drink with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome man enters.
He is so striking that the woman can not take her eyes off him. The man notices her overly attentive stares and walks directly toward her.
Before she can offer her apologies for rudely staring he leans over and whispers, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do for $20. But only on one condition.”
Flabbergasted, the woman asks what the condition is.
“You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.”
The woman considers his proposition for a moment and then removes a $20 bill from her purse, which she presses into the man’s hand along with her address.
She then looks deeply into his eyes, and slowly, and meaningfully says, “Clean my house!”
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
Image

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TertiusK
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Real Name: Tertius

Thu Aug 18, 2016 2:55 pm

:lmao:

Good one!!!

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GI Jane
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Fri Aug 19, 2016 3:08 pm

hee hee for both jokes.... good laugh
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Family_Dog
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Location: Klerksdorp, NW
Contact:

Fri Aug 19, 2016 6:45 pm

5AM.jpg

-F_D
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White Fang: 1999 2.7i DC Raider 4x4
Bull Dog: 1987 4Y-EFI 2.2 DC 4x4
Pra Dog: 1998 Prado VX 3.4
Hound Dog: 2000 2.7i SC 4x4


One Staffie, One Jack Russell, One Ring Neck Screecher, 17 Fish of questionable heritage


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Mud Dog
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Real Name: Andy

Sat Aug 20, 2016 8:00 am

Hehe! .... don't quite meet those standards - only managed a walk at 5.30am :D:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

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GI Jane
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Joined: Mon May 16, 2011 4:07 pm
Town: Strand WC
Vehicle: Toyota Hilux 4x4, 2.41t Raider 1998 DC - front & rear difflock, 140lt fuel tank, 31" BFG a/t, snorkel, drawer system, alucab canopy, driver with attitude.
Real Name: Val
ORRA Call Sign: X112

Mon Aug 22, 2016 10:40 am

Its obviously not winter in your part of the country.... bed is still the warmest place at 5 or 5.30... anyway its dark and its dangerous to venture out of bed at that time of the morning.... even my dogs agree with me, they don't venture out from their beds before 7.30...
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TertiusK
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Real Name: Tertius

Mon Aug 22, 2016 2:49 pm

Hehehehe

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Mylux
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Thu Aug 25, 2016 2:53 pm

A lady walked into a Police Station and the desk Sergeant said "Can I help you?"

"Yes" she said, "I'd like to report a case of sexual assault".

"Where did it happen?" the Sergeant asked.

"In the park just down the road" she replied.

"Can you describe what happened?"

"Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when a man jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there, removed my underwear then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way with me".

"Could you give me a description of him?"

"Yes, he was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt and he had these two big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees, one on each leg".

"Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman", said the Sergeant.

"Yes", said the lady, "He was an Aussie Cricketer".

“That's very observant", said the Sergeant, "You worked that out from his accent?"

"No", she replied. "I worked it out because he wasn't in for very long".

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Froll
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Sun Sep 04, 2016 6:24 pm

And to think of the rush hour traffic tomorrow, makes one not want to go to work....
Attachments
14046038_10201973742902796_8018723475765394669_n.jpg

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ChrisF
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Mon Sep 05, 2016 6:25 am

Froll wrote:And to think of the rush hour traffic tomorrow, makes one not want to go to work....
right now there are MANY Capetonians that would give anything for that scene ....

RAINING in the Cape ... and stationary traffic on the N1.



Thankfully we live 4km from work, and I dont have to get onto the N1 :yahoo: :celebrate:

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peetvdw
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Fri Sep 16, 2016 12:26 pm

4x4 for Dummies... watch the series on youtube... it is very educational.
Link: https://youtu.be/f2X1rDiyg5g
logo.jpg
Peet van der Walt
http://www.youtube.com/user/MonsterHilux" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

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Obelix and Dogmatix
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Vehicle: HILUX 4.0 V6 4x4 named Obelix, donated to some clown, HILUX 4.0 V6 4x4 named Obelix II Onca front and rear Amade extreme Suspension and under water breathing apparatus
Real Name: Quentin
Location: Allens Nek

Wed Sep 21, 2016 8:43 am

IDIOT SIGHTING.
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 note.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar coin back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING.

We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used that repairman since...this happened in Ipswich, Qld

IDIOT SIGHTING.

I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbour call the local council P & W office to request the removal of the WOMBAT CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many wombats are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
Story from Collingwood, Melbourne.

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.

My daughter went to a Mexican takeaway and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Bankstown, Sydney.....

IDIOT SIGHTING.

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
This happened in Elizabeth S.A.

IDIOT SIGHTING.

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She is a government employee in ATO Newcastle NSW AU.

IDIOT SIGHTING.

When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
STAY ALERT!

They walk among us, they breed, and they vote…....
You now have 2 options...
Delete it…..
or
Send it along to put a smile on someone's face today!.
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
Image

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Baasvark
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Posts: 1111
Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 7:45 pm
Town: Virginia
Vehicle: '97 D/C with all the trimmings & '95 S/C SFA with OME suspension
Real Name: Shane

Wed Sep 21, 2016 9:16 am

Aint it ironic that "Common Sense" aint so common after all...

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GRWLR ZN
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Joined: Sun Sep 18, 2016 3:25 pm
Town: Richards Bay
Vehicle: Toyota Hilux - Lexus V8
Real Name: Louis

Fri Sep 30, 2016 7:40 am

In the parking lot at work this morning, one of our managers pulled in with his new Super Tenere 1200 Yamaha...

Long story short.. We got to chatting about our bikes and the pros and cons of each and and.
He said that initially he was looking for a road bike but then went with a tourer because he is always going all over in his Land Rover. Said it's much cheaper to maintain a bike, and to replace it for that matter, as he could never replace his landi....

I said: " sure you can.... you can get a Toyota...."

GRWLR ZN :mrgreen:

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Mud Dog
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Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Fri Sep 30, 2016 7:55 am

:twisted:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27162
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Wed Oct 05, 2016 12:45 am

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget....

... 'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust....'

He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Mylux
LR 4WD Rear Locker
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Posts: 491
Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2012 9:19 pm
Town: Roodepoort
Vehicle: 4.0L V6 Vigo 4x4
Real Name: Greg
ORRA Call Sign: HC249

Thu Oct 06, 2016 7:32 pm

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a Bar in Dublin . She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit, as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, 'What man here will buy a lady a drink?

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed ' Give the ballerina a drink!'
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, 'What man here will buy a lady a drink?'

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, 'Give the ballerina another drink!'
The bartender approached the drunk and said 'Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?'

The drunk replied, 'Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got
to be a ballerina!..

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Froll
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Real Name: Roger
ORRA Call Sign: N/A

Thu Oct 06, 2016 8:38 pm

:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2: :thumbup:

4 runner oldie
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Town: Brisbane Australia
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Real Name: Russell

Tue Nov 08, 2016 8:31 am

14657374_1105336039582292_3160668873485259001_n.jpg
No one has ever made it out alive yet .

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Haboob
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Real Name: Edge
ORRA Call Sign: HC129

Tue Nov 08, 2016 3:40 pm

I have now laughed as never before.
Really enlightened my day.
Thanks to all who contributed...
Image
HABOOB means "Dust Storm"

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Dirka
Low Range 4WD
Low Range 4WD
Posts: 168
Joined: Tue Jul 07, 2015 2:16 pm
Town: Doornpoort Pretoria
Vehicle: Hilux 4.0 V6 4X4 Auto DC
Real Name: Dirk

Fri Nov 11, 2016 3:38 pm

Image

:twisted: :twisted:
I got arrested for driving naked. I guess I shouldn’t have put four wheels, an engine, and a steering wheel on my bathtub.
I’m a do-it-yourself kind of lover.
” ― J. Kintz

User avatar
TertiusK
Low Range 4WD
Low Range 4WD
Posts: 222
Joined: Thu Jun 02, 2016 7:23 pm
Town: Oudtshoorn
Vehicle: 1990 Hilux 2.4D 4x4 DC Full MIKEM Suspension front and back + 2007 Kia Sportage 2.0 CRDI 4WD
Real Name: Tertius

Sat Nov 12, 2016 10:52 am

Mud Dog wrote:
LIEFIE.JPG
:lmao:

User avatar
TertiusK
Low Range 4WD
Low Range 4WD
Posts: 222
Joined: Thu Jun 02, 2016 7:23 pm
Town: Oudtshoorn
Vehicle: 1990 Hilux 2.4D 4x4 DC Full MIKEM Suspension front and back + 2007 Kia Sportage 2.0 CRDI 4WD
Real Name: Tertius

Sat Nov 12, 2016 10:54 am

4 runner oldie wrote:14657374_1105336039582292_3160668873485259001_n.jpg
I was greeted by a Cape Cobra in my garage on Wednesday. NOT A FAN!!! :shock2:

User avatar
TertiusK
Low Range 4WD
Low Range 4WD
Posts: 222
Joined: Thu Jun 02, 2016 7:23 pm
Town: Oudtshoorn
Vehicle: 1990 Hilux 2.4D 4x4 DC Full MIKEM Suspension front and back + 2007 Kia Sportage 2.0 CRDI 4WD
Real Name: Tertius

Sat Nov 12, 2016 10:55 am

Dirka wrote:Image

:twisted: :twisted:
:taunt: Hou vas my bier en check die move!!!

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27162
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Fri Nov 25, 2016 5:49 pm

"My Blackberry isn't working"

https://www.facebook.com/ronniebcorbett ... 056497256/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Gemsbok
High Range 4WD
High Range 4WD
Posts: 71
Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2012 12:46 pm
Town: Pretoria
Vehicle: Hilux 4.0 V6 DC 4x4 AT
Real Name: Lappies
ORRA Call Sign: HC186

Fri Nov 25, 2016 8:30 pm

Mud Dog wrote:"My Blackberry isn't working"

https://www.facebook.com/ronniebcorbett ... 056497256/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Image Image Image

4 runner oldie
Low Range 4WD
Low Range 4WD
Posts: 187
Joined: Sat May 14, 2011 12:55 pm
Town: Brisbane Australia
Vehicle: 1985 4 runner sr5 3y engine
Real Name: Russell

Wed Nov 30, 2016 10:21 am

Weight Loss Program:

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10lbs program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."

He lost 33 lbs that week..
No one has ever made it out alive yet .

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27162
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Thu Dec 01, 2016 4:28 am

:laugh2:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Obelix and Dogmatix
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
Posts: 1692
Joined: Sun Nov 17, 2013 5:27 pm
Town: ROODEPOORT
Vehicle: HILUX 4.0 V6 4x4 named Obelix, donated to some clown, HILUX 4.0 V6 4x4 named Obelix II Onca front and rear Amade extreme Suspension and under water breathing apparatus
Real Name: Quentin
Location: Allens Nek

Thu Dec 01, 2016 3:45 pm

Times are tough...
I took a taxi from JHB to PTA knowing very well that I do not have money to pay. Once we reached PTA ,I got out of the taxi and I fled. Unfortunately for me there was also a Police officer in the taxi. He got out and chased me. In my zigzag, he took out his gun and shouted Freeze! I stopped running then I raised my hands up, he points his gun at me and said: "You think I also have money to pay the taxi? Let me keep chasing you."
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
Image

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27162
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Mon Dec 12, 2016 5:54 pm

I experienced an interesting episode this holiday. After returning home from a short break, I saw that my lawns were in need of mowing because my gardener of many years, was on his regular 3 weeks leave.

So on Saturday morning, dressed in my oldest pair of shorts & t-shirt, I was mowing the lawn on the pavement. I was in a hurry and tried to finish the job neatly and in the shortest possible time. I didn’t feel like explaining the lawn mowing process to any new prospective gardener. But as it goes – when you don’t need any help then all the help in the world normally arrives. Everybody wants to know if you have a piece-job for them for the day. When the 4th one arrived with his hands in his pockets and asked for a piece-job, the conversation went almost like this:

He : I know of the lawnmower boss, and I can cut the grass.
Me: Sorry man, I can't help you. I only work for the people staying here.
He : Hau…. These people they employ the whitey for the garden!
Me: Yes, and they don’t even give me food at lunchtime.

With a look incredulousness he took out his packet of cigarettes and offered me one. I took one and he lit it for me. I took a few puffs, nipped it and put the stub behind my ear.

He walked away shaking his head and his last words to me were : “The ANC has f*****d up everything…..”
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Hilux 1
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 3843
Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 2:24 pm
Town: Brackenfell
Vehicle: 2000 Raider 2700i 4x4 Double cab. met "rock sliders" en Powerflo stainless exhaust
Real Name: Tertius
ORRA Call Sign: HC137

Wed Dec 14, 2016 11:01 am

Jan : So jy drink 12 biere elke aand
Koos : Ja
Jan: Hoe lank al?
Koos : 20 jaar
Jan: issit...! R15 per bier in die pub is R180 per aand, maal 5 is R900, maal 52 weke is R46,800.00, maal 20 jaar is R936,000.00!! Jy kon n Ferrari gekoop het met al daai geld!!!!
Koos : Drink jy?
Jan: Nee!...nog nooit gedrink in my lewe nie Koos : Nou wa is jou flippin Ferrari??
ImageImageImage

User avatar
Hilux 1
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 3843
Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 2:24 pm
Town: Brackenfell
Vehicle: 2000 Raider 2700i 4x4 Double cab. met "rock sliders" en Powerflo stainless exhaust
Real Name: Tertius
ORRA Call Sign: HC137

Wed Dec 14, 2016 12:22 pm

A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach.

“That won’t help you, Joe, you know?”

“Oh it helps a lot,” says the man, “it’s the only way I can see the numbers!”
ImageImageImage

User avatar
Family_Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 12530
Joined: Tue May 22, 2007 10:09 am
Town: Klerksdorp
Vehicle: Hilux DC SFA, Hilux 2.7 DC, Hilux 2.7 SC, Prado 95 VX
Real Name: Eric
ORRA Call Sign: HC101
Location: Klerksdorp, NW
Contact:

Thu Jan 05, 2017 6:58 pm

Tea is more dangerous than beer. Please avoid drinking tea.

I discovered this last night, I had 14 beers till 3am at the pub while my
wife was just drinking tea at home.

You should have seen how violent and angry she was when I got home. I was
peaceful, silent and headed to bed as she shouted at me, all night and even
into the next morning.

Please ladies, if you can't handle your tea, don't drink it...
Image

White Fang: 1999 2.7i DC Raider 4x4
Bull Dog: 1987 4Y-EFI 2.2 DC 4x4
Pra Dog: 1998 Prado VX 3.4
Hound Dog: 2000 2.7i SC 4x4


One Staffie, One Jack Russell, One Ring Neck Screecher, 17 Fish of questionable heritage


Image

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27162
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Thu Jan 05, 2017 7:01 pm

:laugh2: I think the problem is more common / widespread than we think! :D:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Froll
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 3208
Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2012 10:13 pm
Town: Vioolsdrift
Vehicle: 1995 2,4 SFA Hilux,Home made snorkel,Home made front bumper .
Real Name: Roger
ORRA Call Sign: N/A

Thu Jan 05, 2017 9:03 pm

:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2: :thumbup:

User avatar
Dowe Koos
LR 4WD Full Lockers
LR 4WD Full Lockers
Posts: 529
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2014 6:44 pm
Town: Pretoria
Vehicle: Toyota Buschwagen 2.7 4x4
Real Name: Hennie

Fri Jan 06, 2017 1:19 pm

Nuwe modele
7.jpg
7.jpg (17.55 KiB) Viewed 365 times
8.jpg
8.jpg (19.39 KiB) Viewed 365 times
15.jpg
15.jpg (25.51 KiB) Viewed 365 times
Attachments
12.jpg
12.jpg (29.23 KiB) Viewed 365 times
Ecc 1:9 Wat gewees het, dit sal daar weer wees; en wat gebeur het, dit sal weer gebeur, en daar is glad niks nuuts onder die son nie.

User avatar
Dowe Koos
LR 4WD Full Lockers
LR 4WD Full Lockers
Posts: 529
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2014 6:44 pm
Town: Pretoria
Vehicle: Toyota Buschwagen 2.7 4x4
Real Name: Hennie

Fri Jan 06, 2017 1:22 pm

Diefstal bestand
18.jpg
18.jpg (17.11 KiB) Viewed 362 times
Ecc 1:9 Wat gewees het, dit sal daar weer wees; en wat gebeur het, dit sal weer gebeur, en daar is glad niks nuuts onder die son nie.

User avatar
ChrisF
Top Web Wheeler
Top Web Wheeler
Posts: 8225
Joined: Thu Sep 17, 2009 2:56 pm
Town: Bellville
Vehicle: Langpad (RAV4)
Real Name: Chris

Sat Jan 07, 2017 12:08 pm

Hennie jy moet jou patent verkoop aan Toyota ....

User avatar
Dowe Koos
LR 4WD Full Lockers
LR 4WD Full Lockers
Posts: 529
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2014 6:44 pm
Town: Pretoria
Vehicle: Toyota Buschwagen 2.7 4x4
Real Name: Hennie

Sat Jan 07, 2017 11:13 pm

Ja Chris, het die foto van my skoonpa gekry. So ek weet nie wie dit uitgedink het nie.
Ecc 1:9 Wat gewees het, dit sal daar weer wees; en wat gebeur het, dit sal weer gebeur, en daar is glad niks nuuts onder die son nie.

User avatar
TertiusK
Low Range 4WD
Low Range 4WD
Posts: 222
Joined: Thu Jun 02, 2016 7:23 pm
Town: Oudtshoorn
Vehicle: 1990 Hilux 2.4D 4x4 DC Full MIKEM Suspension front and back + 2007 Kia Sportage 2.0 CRDI 4WD
Real Name: Tertius

Sun Jan 08, 2017 10:05 am

:lmao:

User avatar
Thunder02
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 7904
Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2010 7:53 pm
Town: East Rand
Vehicle: IFS Hilux
Real Name: Neil
ORRA Call Sign: HC105
Location: East Rand
Contact:

Tue Jan 10, 2017 6:28 pm

Stunning idea :laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2:
Not all those who wander are lost!

Scout motto:be prepared....
www.chabercanvas.co.za
Email: canvas4x4covers@yahoo.co.uk
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!

User avatar
Thunder02
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 7904
Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2010 7:53 pm
Town: East Rand
Vehicle: IFS Hilux
Real Name: Neil
ORRA Call Sign: HC105
Location: East Rand
Contact:

Tue Jan 10, 2017 6:30 pm

How do you know when your girlfriend is picking up weight......








When she starts fitting into your wife's clothes
:siffler: :angel:
Not all those who wander are lost!

Scout motto:be prepared....
www.chabercanvas.co.za
Email: canvas4x4covers@yahoo.co.uk
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!

User avatar
Froll
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 3208
Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2012 10:13 pm
Town: Vioolsdrift
Vehicle: 1995 2,4 SFA Hilux,Home made snorkel,Home made front bumper .
Real Name: Roger
ORRA Call Sign: N/A

Tue Jan 10, 2017 9:21 pm

:shock2: :laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2:

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27162
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Tue Jan 10, 2017 11:56 pm

:laugh2: Is there something that Chane should know about? :D:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Thunder02
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 7904
Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2010 7:53 pm
Town: East Rand
Vehicle: IFS Hilux
Real Name: Neil
ORRA Call Sign: HC105
Location: East Rand
Contact:

Wed Jan 11, 2017 4:11 pm

Mud Dog wrote::laugh2: Is there something that Chane should know about? :D:
I knew one of you guys would say that.... :laugh2:
Not all those who wander are lost!

Scout motto:be prepared....
www.chabercanvas.co.za
Email: canvas4x4covers@yahoo.co.uk
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!

User avatar
Dowe Koos
LR 4WD Full Lockers
LR 4WD Full Lockers
Posts: 529
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2014 6:44 pm
Town: Pretoria
Vehicle: Toyota Buschwagen 2.7 4x4
Real Name: Hennie

Sat Jan 14, 2017 9:06 pm

Het julle geweet dat alle bakkies word by dieselfde fabriek gebou. Al die bakkies word direk van die produksielyn af gevat na die parkeerarea. Die volgende oggend word hulle gestart. Die een wat nie wil start nie kry, 'n Nissan wapen op. Die een wat eerste warm word kry, 'n Isuzi wapen op. Die een wat oliekol onder het, kry 'n Ford wapen. Die een wat staan en melk lek, kry 'n VW wapen. Toyota kan nie een kry nie want hy is al die vorige nag gesteel. :lmao:
Ecc 1:9 Wat gewees het, dit sal daar weer wees; en wat gebeur het, dit sal weer gebeur, en daar is glad niks nuuts onder die son nie.

lukestoyzx
Low Range 4WD
Low Range 4WD
Posts: 129
Joined: Sun Jan 24, 2016 1:13 am
Town: Griffith
Vehicle: 07 Hilux SR5
Real Name: Luke

Sun Jan 15, 2017 12:53 am

Look closely at this pic and tell me what's wrong with it! This brake system was fitted to a brand new jeep grand Cherokee, by the jeep dealership!!!

Image Link Broken

Sent from my SM-N920I using Tapatalk

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27162
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Sun Jan 15, 2017 4:37 am

:o: :blink:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27162
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Mon Jan 16, 2017 1:25 pm

stupid.jpg
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

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