Joke of the day

Share your jokes and funny campfire stories with us here.
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Please keep it light hearted enol. No serious stufs hey! :)

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Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27919
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Sat Mar 04, 2017 10:23 am

Don’t think it can’t happen to you.

This is what all of you 70+ year old's have to look forward to:



This is something that happened in an Aged Care Centre. The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central Cafeteria.

One morning, one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my friend went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door. He said that he was running late, and would be down shortly, so she went back to the Dining area.

An hour later, he still hadn't arrived; so she went back up towards his room and she found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right.

She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain, and just wanted to have his breakfast. So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast

When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him.

A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

Hunter26
Low Range 4WD
Low Range 4WD
Posts: 136
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2014 2:10 pm
Town: King Williams Town
Vehicle: Isuzu
Real Name: Craig

Sun Mar 05, 2017 2:47 pm

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
Isuzu 250D 4x2 with diffy lock
1 x Humorous Driver
GPS,Dashcam,tyre levers
I don't live in Africa, Africa lives in me - Kyle my son.

Hunter26
Low Range 4WD
Low Range 4WD
Posts: 136
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2014 2:10 pm
Town: King Williams Town
Vehicle: Isuzu
Real Name: Craig

Sun Mar 05, 2017 2:59 pm

An Englishman,Irishman and Scotsman were all playing golf with their wives. The wives were motioned to tee off first. The englishmans wife bent over to tee off and the wind blew her skirt up revealing a naked bum. The Englishman being disgusted asked his wife why she had no panties on ,to which she replied " you don't give me enough money to buy some", the Englishman puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out R50-00 and tells her to go buy some. Next is the Irish wife,same occurance and he pull out R25-00 and tells her to go buy panties. Lastly the Scotsman wife bends to tee off and the wind reveals her naked bum. The Scotsman highly upset ask " Lassy, wer is yer onder weer",to which the wife says " Jock,yer soch a taight ass with yer money,ya dinny give ma enough to buy eny panties", the Scotsman feeling embarrised,puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out a comb and replies " herr lassy,tidy op yrself"
Isuzu 250D 4x2 with diffy lock
1 x Humorous Driver
GPS,Dashcam,tyre levers
I don't live in Africa, Africa lives in me - Kyle my son.

JamesC
LR 4WD Full Lockers
LR 4WD Full Lockers
Posts: 517
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 10:11 am
Town: Potchefstroom
Vehicle: SRX 2.5 4x4 D/C
Real Name: James
Location: Potchefstroom

Thu Apr 20, 2017 8:48 am

Husband:
My wife is missing.
She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
Sheriff: Height?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sheriff: Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sheriff: Colour of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sheriff: Colour of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.
Sheriff: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
Sheriff: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my Land Cruiser.
Sheriff: What kind of Land Cruiser was it?
Husband: A 2007 pearl white 100 Series GX with 4.5 litre EFI, 165Kw. It has a centre fridge console, front and rear diff locks, rear camera, aluminium FrontRunner roof rack, leather heated seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has an extra 80 litre ProWorks stainless steel fuel tank, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with removable tow-bar, sunroof, double-din DVD player with full navigation, satellite radio, VHF radio, six cup holders, two 5-amp USB ports, and 4 Hella power outlets. Fitted with 285/75/16 Mud Terrain BF Goodrich tires on 6 stud, 8J steel rims. 236 984 km's on the clock the day before yesterday.
At this point, the husband started choking up.
Sheriff: Take it easy sir, we'll find your Cruiser!
James Cameron
0834431879

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27919
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Fri Apr 21, 2017 12:13 am

:laugh2:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27919
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Tue Jun 27, 2017 7:07 pm

Texting ......

From Father:

My Dear Son,
Today is a day you will treasure for all the days of your life.
My best love and good wishes.

Your Father.


From Son:

Thanks Dad. But the wedding isn’t actually until tomorrow!!


From Father:

I know...
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Froll
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 3289
Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2012 10:13 pm
Town: Vioolsdrift
Vehicle: 1995 2,4 SFA Hilux,Home made snorkel,Home made front bumper .
Real Name: Roger
ORRA Call Sign: N/A

Tue Jun 27, 2017 8:27 pm

:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2:

User avatar
Baasvark
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
Posts: 1142
Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 7:45 pm
Town: Virginia
Vehicle: '97 D/C with all the trimmings & '95 S/C SFA with OME suspension
Real Name: Shane

Tue Jun 27, 2017 10:15 pm



Sent from my SM-N920C using Tapatalk

Aint it ironic that "Common Sense" aint so common after all...

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27919
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Wed Aug 02, 2017 11:38 am

Picture.jpg
Picture.jpg (30.07 KiB) Viewed 554 times
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27919
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Fri Aug 04, 2017 12:27 am

What did our patents do to kill boredom before TV and the internet ? .........


I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Baasvark
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
Posts: 1142
Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 7:45 pm
Town: Virginia
Vehicle: '97 D/C with all the trimmings & '95 S/C SFA with OME suspension
Real Name: Shane

Fri Aug 04, 2017 12:29 am



Sent from my SM-N920C using Tapatalk

Aint it ironic that "Common Sense" aint so common after all...

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27919
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Thu Sep 21, 2017 12:07 am

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When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27919
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Wed Nov 08, 2017 11:47 pm

Italian Funeral



A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.

The Jewish man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral, is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

“My mother-in-law. She came to help my wife and the dog turned on her and killed her also."

It was a very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood. Silence passed between the two men.

The Jewish man then asked "Can I borrow the dog?"

The Italian man replied, "Get in line."
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Froll
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 3289
Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2012 10:13 pm
Town: Vioolsdrift
Vehicle: 1995 2,4 SFA Hilux,Home made snorkel,Home made front bumper .
Real Name: Roger
ORRA Call Sign: N/A

Thu Nov 09, 2017 8:56 pm

Hahahaha

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27919
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Sat Nov 11, 2017 11:40 pm

ATT0003711.jpg
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Thunder02
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 7936
Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2010 7:53 pm
Town: East Rand
Vehicle: IFS Hilux
Real Name: Neil
ORRA Call Sign: HC105
Location: East Rand Boksburg
Contact:

Sun Nov 12, 2017 3:46 pm

Land Rover























Come on, I know you guys are wetting your selves........ :laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2:
Not all those who wander are lost!

Scout motto:be prepared....
www.4x4direct.co.za
Email: neil@4x4direct.co.za
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!

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