Joke of the day

Share your jokes and funny campfire stories with us here.
Forum rules
Please keep it light hearted enol. No serious stufs hey! :)

BEFORE YOU START A NEW JOKES THREAD PLEASE TAKE NOTE:
We are trying to make the technical information more visible in the Active Topics section. So we are trying to combine all the humour posts into a single thread. This will then more or less always stay on the active topics page if you keep appending your jokes onto this single thread. Your assistance will be greatly appreciated
User avatar
Dirka
Low Range 4WD
Low Range 4WD
Posts: 170
Joined: Tue Jul 07, 2015 2:16 pm
Town: Doornpoort Pretoria
Vehicle: Hilux 4.0 V6 4X4 Auto DC
Real Name: Dirk

Tue Nov 03, 2015 7:15 am

Brilliant! :thumbup: :lmao:
I got arrested for driving naked. I guess I shouldn’t have put four wheels, an engine, and a steering wheel on my bathtub.
I’m a do-it-yourself kind of lover.
” ― J. Kintz

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DeonV
High Range 4WD
High Range 4WD
Posts: 67
Joined: Tue Jun 23, 2015 10:04 am
Town: Hartbeespoort
Vehicle: Hilux 3.0 d4d
Real Name: Deon
ORRA Call Sign: HC229

Tue Nov 03, 2015 7:27 am

Toe ons grassnyer breek hou my vrou aan kerm en kla dat ek die ding
moet laat regmaak. Maar ek is 'n besige man en daar is net altyd
belangriker goed om te doen. Soos rugby en krieket op die tellie. My
boot wat moet reggemaak word. Visvang ens...
Tot sy eendag slim word en probeer om haar punt te maak.
Toe ek by die huis kom is sy besig om die gras met haar kombuissker te knip.
Ek het lank na die poging staan en kyk. Toe gaan haal ek maar 'n
tandeborsel en sê vir haar: "As jy klaar is kan jy sommer die oprit ook vee."
Die dokter sê ek sal weer kan loop, maar gaan 'n permanente waggel in my stappie hê.

User avatar
R and R
High Range 2WD
High Range 2WD
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2015 2:15 pm
Town: johannesburg
Vehicle: hilux d4d d/c
Real Name: Richard

Tue Nov 03, 2015 3:10 pm

:bye:
Attachments
IMG-20151014-WA0008-1.jpg
:bye: :tease: :aggresive: comfy ride machine

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Thunder02
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 7912
Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2010 7:53 pm
Town: East Rand
Vehicle: IFS Hilux
Real Name: Neil
ORRA Call Sign: HC105
Location: East Rand
Contact:

Tue Nov 03, 2015 3:14 pm

Just a question, does the cartoon look like him, or does he look like the cartoon?
Not all those who wander are lost!

Scout motto:be prepared....
www.chabercanvas.co.za
Email: canvas4x4covers@yahoo.co.uk
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!

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ChrisF
Top Web Wheeler
Top Web Wheeler
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Town: Bellville
Vehicle: Langpad (RAV4)
Real Name: Chris

Tue Nov 03, 2015 3:36 pm

why insult the cartoon ...

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Froll
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 3229
Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2012 10:13 pm
Town: Vioolsdrift
Vehicle: 1995 2,4 SFA Hilux,Home made snorkel,Home made front bumper .
Real Name: Roger
ORRA Call Sign: N/A

Tue Nov 03, 2015 10:00 pm

:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2:

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Pote
LR 4WD Full Lockers
LR 4WD Full Lockers
Posts: 694
Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 12:13 pm
Town: Hartbeespoort
Vehicle: Fortuner D4d 4x4 & VW Passat
Real Name: Johan
ORRA Call Sign: X228

Thu Nov 05, 2015 7:38 am

Wat het jy vandag met you Hilux gemaak. Kyk wat doen hul in noordwes.

https://www.facebook.com/gert.coetzer.7 ... 444744282/
Image
Image

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Dirka
Low Range 4WD
Low Range 4WD
Posts: 170
Joined: Tue Jul 07, 2015 2:16 pm
Town: Doornpoort Pretoria
Vehicle: Hilux 4.0 V6 4X4 Auto DC
Real Name: Dirk

Tue Nov 10, 2015 8:05 am

Die 80-jarige oom gaan vir sy mediese ondersoek. Die dokter is verstom.
"Wat doen jy om in so 'n puik kondisie te wees?"
"Ek speel gholf. Ek staan op voor sonop, speel 18 putjies en drink twee glase wyn."
"Interessant. Hoe oud was jou pa toe hy dood is?"
"Wie sê my pa is dood?"
Die dokter is verstom. "Jy is 80, en jou pa leef nog?! Hoe oud is hy?"
"Hy is 100. Hy het vanoggend nog saam met my gespeel.
Toe het hy op die nudiste strand gaan stap en twee glase wyn gedrink.
"Wel," se die dokter, "en hoe oud was jou oupa toe hy dood is?"
"Wie sê my oupa is dood?"
"Wat!? En hoe oud is hy?"
"Hy is 118."
"Hy het seker ook vanoggend saam met julle gholf gespeel?"
"Nee, hy het dit nie vanoggend gemaak nie. Hy trou vandag.
Die dokter is teen hierdie tyd op die punt om van sy kop af te raak.
"Trou? Hoekom wil iemand wat 118 is trou?"
"Wie sê hy wou?"

:thumbup:
I got arrested for driving naked. I guess I shouldn’t have put four wheels, an engine, and a steering wheel on my bathtub.
I’m a do-it-yourself kind of lover.
” ― J. Kintz

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CasKru
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Posts: 24206
Joined: Tue Dec 04, 2007 11:52 am
Town: Benoni
Vehicle: '94 Hilux Raider 2.4i (22RE) DC 4x4
Real Name: Cassie
ORRA Call Sign: B15
Location: Rynfield
Contact:

Tue Nov 10, 2015 9:39 am

Lol
To God be the glory

User avatar
CasKru
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Town: Benoni
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Real Name: Cassie
ORRA Call Sign: B15
Location: Rynfield
Contact:

Tue Nov 10, 2015 5:18 pm

Image
To God be the glory

Ou vale1
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
Posts: 1160
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2010 5:57 pm
Town: Heidelberg
Vehicle: Hilux 2.5 D4D
Real Name: Koos
Location: Heidelberg

Tue Nov 10, 2015 8:15 pm

Hoender vra vir kalkoen hoekom hy so slim is. Kalkoen: "As jy heeldag loop en google, google, google sal jy net so slim word"

User avatar
Obelix and Dogmatix
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
Posts: 1707
Joined: Sun Nov 17, 2013 5:27 pm
Town: ROODEPOORT
Vehicle: HILUX 4.0 V6 4x4 named Obelix, donated to some clown, HILUX 4.0 V6 4x4 named Obelix II Onca front and rear Amade extreme Suspension and under water breathing apparatus
Real Name: Quentin
Location: Allens Nek

Wed Nov 11, 2015 4:11 pm

Image
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
Image

User avatar
CasKru
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 24206
Joined: Tue Dec 04, 2007 11:52 am
Town: Benoni
Vehicle: '94 Hilux Raider 2.4i (22RE) DC 4x4
Real Name: Cassie
ORRA Call Sign: B15
Location: Rynfield
Contact:

Wed Nov 11, 2015 4:18 pm

bwhahahahahaha
To God be the glory

User avatar
Obelix and Dogmatix
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
Posts: 1707
Joined: Sun Nov 17, 2013 5:27 pm
Town: ROODEPOORT
Vehicle: HILUX 4.0 V6 4x4 named Obelix, donated to some clown, HILUX 4.0 V6 4x4 named Obelix II Onca front and rear Amade extreme Suspension and under water breathing apparatus
Real Name: Quentin
Location: Allens Nek

Thu Nov 12, 2015 8:46 am

Image
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
Image

User avatar
Mud Dog
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Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Thu Nov 19, 2015 8:33 am

The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday School every week.

One Sunday an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her.

He noted what a fine looking woman she was.

While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said:

"Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?"

"Why yes, that would be nice", the lady responded.

Well, the gentleman couldn't believe his luck.

On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of South Carolina .

When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested: "Would you like a cocktail before dinner?"

"Oh, no," said the fine example of southern womanhood. "Whatever would I tell my Sunday School class?"

Well, the gentleman was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner, when he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked:
"Would you like a smoke?"

"Oh my goodness no," said the woman. "I couldn't face my Sunday School class if I did !"

Well, the man felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in his car and as he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn.

He'd been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with: "Ahhh, mmmm, how would you like
to stop at this motel?"

"Sure, that would be nice," she said in anticipation.

The gentleman couldn't believe his ears. He did a fast u-turn right then and there, drove back to the motel and checked in!
The next morning, after a wild and passionate night of the most incredible lovemaking imaginable, the gentleman awoke first.

He looked at the lovely Dixie darlin' lying there in the bed and with remorse thought: "What the hell have I done?"

He shook her awake and pleaded, "I've got to ask you one thing, whatever are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"

The lady said: "The same thing I always tell them, 'You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time.'"
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Froll
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 3229
Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2012 10:13 pm
Town: Vioolsdrift
Vehicle: 1995 2,4 SFA Hilux,Home made snorkel,Home made front bumper .
Real Name: Roger
ORRA Call Sign: N/A

Thu Nov 19, 2015 9:29 pm

:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2:

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4x4BEES
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 3479
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2013 10:13 am
Town: Brackenfell
Vehicle: Hilux 4.0V6
Real Name: Kevin

Fri Nov 20, 2015 4:49 pm

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

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grobbepj
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
Posts: 1058
Joined: Tue May 14, 2013 10:39 am
Town: Alberton
Vehicle: Hilux legend 35 4x4 3.0kzte D/C
Real Name: Pieter

Mon Nov 23, 2015 6:25 pm

Importance of correct spelling...
ImageUploadedByTapatalk1448295920.091825.jpg
ImageUploadedByTapatalk1448295920.091825.jpg (31.83 KiB) Viewed 2833 times

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4x4BEES
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 3479
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2013 10:13 am
Town: Brackenfell
Vehicle: Hilux 4.0V6
Real Name: Kevin

Mon Nov 23, 2015 8:32 pm

:laugh2: :laugh2:

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Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27318
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Tue Nov 24, 2015 2:40 am

:laugh2: :laugh2:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

Ou vale1
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
Posts: 1160
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2010 5:57 pm
Town: Heidelberg
Vehicle: Hilux 2.5 D4D
Real Name: Koos
Location: Heidelberg

Thu Nov 26, 2015 3:31 pm

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat,” agreed to look after her neighbour's male dog while the neighbour was on vacation. She had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, and although it was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.

"Just worked for me!" he replied.

Hunter26
Low Range 4WD
Low Range 4WD
Posts: 135
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2014 2:10 pm
Town: King Williams Town
Vehicle: Isuzu
Real Name: Craig

Thu Nov 26, 2015 3:33 pm

Bwhaha! Brilliant

Sent from my D2403 using Tapatalk
Isuzu 250D 4x2 with diffy lock
1 x Humorous Driver
GPS,Dashcam,tyre levers
I don't live in Africa, Africa lives in me - Kyle my son.

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4x4BEES
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 3479
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2013 10:13 am
Town: Brackenfell
Vehicle: Hilux 4.0V6
Real Name: Kevin

Thu Nov 26, 2015 7:37 pm

:lmao: :lmao:

User avatar
Froll
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 3229
Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2012 10:13 pm
Town: Vioolsdrift
Vehicle: 1995 2,4 SFA Hilux,Home made snorkel,Home made front bumper .
Real Name: Roger
ORRA Call Sign: N/A

Thu Nov 26, 2015 9:21 pm

:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2:

User avatar
Obelix and Dogmatix
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
Posts: 1707
Joined: Sun Nov 17, 2013 5:27 pm
Town: ROODEPOORT
Vehicle: HILUX 4.0 V6 4x4 named Obelix, donated to some clown, HILUX 4.0 V6 4x4 named Obelix II Onca front and rear Amade extreme Suspension and under water breathing apparatus
Real Name: Quentin
Location: Allens Nek

Fri Nov 27, 2015 1:41 pm

A man who makes caskets was on his way to deliver one of the coffins when, not that far from his destination, his car broke down.
Trying not to be late out of respect for the client, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.
Some policemen saw him and wanted to make some money off him (bribe), so they challenged him:

"Hey!!! What are you carrying and where are you going?!"
The man said, ?Eish, I do not like where I was buried, so I am busy relocating".

The Policemen turned and ran for their lives!!!
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
Image

Hunter26
Low Range 4WD
Low Range 4WD
Posts: 135
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2014 2:10 pm
Town: King Williams Town
Vehicle: Isuzu
Real Name: Craig

Fri Nov 27, 2015 1:42 pm

Bwhahaha! Brilliant

Sent from my D2403 using Tapatalk
Isuzu 250D 4x2 with diffy lock
1 x Humorous Driver
GPS,Dashcam,tyre levers
I don't live in Africa, Africa lives in me - Kyle my son.

User avatar
Hilux 1
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 3872
Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 2:24 pm
Town: Brackenfell
Vehicle: 2000 Raider 2700i 4x4 Double cab. met "rock sliders" en Powerflo stainless exhaust
Real Name: Tertius
ORRA Call Sign: HC137

Fri Dec 11, 2015 8:49 am

wie weet waarvoor TOYOTA regtig staan????






Wel hier is my weergawe wat ek gehoor het: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

To Own Your Own Tuff Animal
ImageImageImage

User avatar
Froll
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 3229
Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2012 10:13 pm
Town: Vioolsdrift
Vehicle: 1995 2,4 SFA Hilux,Home made snorkel,Home made front bumper .
Real Name: Roger
ORRA Call Sign: N/A

Fri Dec 11, 2015 5:25 pm

:thumbup: :thumbup: :D: :D:

User avatar
Obelix and Dogmatix
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
Posts: 1707
Joined: Sun Nov 17, 2013 5:27 pm
Town: ROODEPOORT
Vehicle: HILUX 4.0 V6 4x4 named Obelix, donated to some clown, HILUX 4.0 V6 4x4 named Obelix II Onca front and rear Amade extreme Suspension and under water breathing apparatus
Real Name: Quentin
Location: Allens Nek

Mon Dec 14, 2015 12:31 pm

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?'
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
The judge said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?'
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
Image

User avatar
Toppie4x4
LR 4WD Full Lockers
LR 4WD Full Lockers
Posts: 839
Joined: Sat Apr 06, 2013 3:38 pm
Town: Centurion
Vehicle: Hilux 4.0 V6 DC 4x4
Real Name: Andre

Mon Dec 14, 2015 2:23 pm

hoekom is ek nie verbaas nie???LOL

User avatar
Obelix and Dogmatix
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
Posts: 1707
Joined: Sun Nov 17, 2013 5:27 pm
Town: ROODEPOORT
Vehicle: HILUX 4.0 V6 4x4 named Obelix, donated to some clown, HILUX 4.0 V6 4x4 named Obelix II Onca front and rear Amade extreme Suspension and under water breathing apparatus
Real Name: Quentin
Location: Allens Nek

Mon Dec 14, 2015 3:18 pm

!!BREAKING NEWS!!! This just in! There have been unconfirmed reports that Jacob Zuma and his bodyguards have been hijacked just outside Nkandla. The hijackers are demanding that he pay R250 million before they release him. If he does not pay back the money they threaten to burn him and his bodyguards out inside their vehicles. We are appealing to all South Africans to stand together and donate towards this worthy cause our beloved president finds himself in. Donations are flooding in. So far we have received 3000 packs of Blitz Firelighters, 4 truckloads of dry firewood, 8419 litres of petrol and/or diesel, 2695 litres of illuminating paraffin, 9000 boxes of matches and 2934 BIC lighters...... South Africans working together for the benefit of the entire country
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
Image

Hunter26
Low Range 4WD
Low Range 4WD
Posts: 135
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2014 2:10 pm
Town: King Williams Town
Vehicle: Isuzu
Real Name: Craig

Mon Dec 14, 2015 4:23 pm

Brilliant lmao

Sent from my D2403 using Tapatalk
Isuzu 250D 4x2 with diffy lock
1 x Humorous Driver
GPS,Dashcam,tyre levers
I don't live in Africa, Africa lives in me - Kyle my son.

User avatar
Knuppel
LR 4WD Full Lockers
LR 4WD Full Lockers
Posts: 536
Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2015 2:11 pm
Town: White River
Vehicle: '87 SFA HILUX D/CAB
Real Name: Marius

Mon Dec 14, 2015 5:26 pm

Hilux 1 wrote:wie weet waarvoor TOYOTA regtig staan????






Wel hier is my weergawe wat ek gehoor het: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

To Own Your Own Tuff Animal
Tonne Ou Yster Op Twee Aste :bye:
Image Link BrokenImage Link BrokenImage Link Broken

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Froll
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 3229
Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2012 10:13 pm
Town: Vioolsdrift
Vehicle: 1995 2,4 SFA Hilux,Home made snorkel,Home made front bumper .
Real Name: Roger
ORRA Call Sign: N/A

Mon Dec 14, 2015 8:58 pm

:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2:

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Family_Dog
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Posts: 12559
Joined: Tue May 22, 2007 10:09 am
Town: Klerksdorp
Vehicle: Hilux DC SFA, Hilux 2.7 DC, Hilux 2.7 SC, Prado 95 VX
Real Name: Eric
ORRA Call Sign: HC101
Location: Klerksdorp, NW
Contact:

Thu Dec 17, 2015 8:56 pm

The Complimentary Breakfast Christmas Song...

You Tube

Now sing along - the words will just fall into your mouth.


-F_D
Image

White Fang: 1999 2.7i DC Raider 4x4
Bull Dog: 1987 4Y-EFI 2.2 DC 4x4
Pra Dog: 1998 Prado VX 3.4
Hound Dog: 2000 2.7i SC 4x4


One Staffie, One Jack Russell, One Ring Neck Screecher, 17 Fish of questionable heritage


Image

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CasKru
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Posts: 24206
Joined: Tue Dec 04, 2007 11:52 am
Town: Benoni
Vehicle: '94 Hilux Raider 2.4i (22RE) DC 4x4
Real Name: Cassie
ORRA Call Sign: B15
Location: Rynfield
Contact:

Fri Dec 18, 2015 6:18 am

Family_Dog wrote:The Complimentary Breakfast Christmas Song...

You Tube

Now sing along - the words will just fall into your mouth.


-F_D
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA... I Like
To God be the glory

User avatar
Family_Dog
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Moderator
Posts: 12559
Joined: Tue May 22, 2007 10:09 am
Town: Klerksdorp
Vehicle: Hilux DC SFA, Hilux 2.7 DC, Hilux 2.7 SC, Prado 95 VX
Real Name: Eric
ORRA Call Sign: HC101
Location: Klerksdorp, NW
Contact:

Sun Dec 20, 2015 7:59 pm

With the Holidays close upon us, I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.

As you know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "social session" with family or friends.

Well, two days ago, this happened to me. I was out for an evening with friends and had more than several whiskies followed by a couple of bottles of rather nice red wine and vodka shots. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit. That's when I did something I've never done before - I took a taxi home!

Sure enough on the way there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident.

This was a real surprise to me, because I had never driven a taxi before. I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.. So, anyway, if you want to borrow it give me a call.


Merry Christmas and be safe out there.


-F_D
Image

White Fang: 1999 2.7i DC Raider 4x4
Bull Dog: 1987 4Y-EFI 2.2 DC 4x4
Pra Dog: 1998 Prado VX 3.4
Hound Dog: 2000 2.7i SC 4x4


One Staffie, One Jack Russell, One Ring Neck Screecher, 17 Fish of questionable heritage


Image

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Mud Dog
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Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Mon Dec 21, 2015 11:15 pm

Hehehe! .... but now some taxi driver somewhere is driving around in your Prado! :twisted: :D:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27318
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Mon Dec 28, 2015 6:24 am

When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27318
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Mon Dec 28, 2015 6:47 am

When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Dowe Koos
LR 4WD Full Lockers
LR 4WD Full Lockers
Posts: 534
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2014 6:44 pm
Town: Pretoria
Vehicle: Toyota Buschwagen 2.7 4x4
Real Name: Hennie

Mon Dec 28, 2015 7:36 am

:lmao: :laugh2: baie goed die laaste een
Ecc 1:9 Wat gewees het, dit sal daar weer wees; en wat gebeur het, dit sal weer gebeur, en daar is glad niks nuuts onder die son nie.

User avatar
Froll
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 3229
Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2012 10:13 pm
Town: Vioolsdrift
Vehicle: 1995 2,4 SFA Hilux,Home made snorkel,Home made front bumper .
Real Name: Roger
ORRA Call Sign: N/A

Sat Jan 23, 2016 4:16 pm

...
Attachments
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User avatar
JJBotes
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
Posts: 1320
Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2011 7:19 pm
Town: Witbank
Vehicle: KZ-TE
Real Name: JJ

Sat Jan 23, 2016 8:13 pm

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:
:thumbup:

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27318
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Tue Jan 26, 2016 5:53 pm

Oldie but goodie .....

Selling Bibles

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new Bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the Bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.

Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.

The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as
Salesmen and were likely capable of selling some Bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment.

Poor Louie stuttered badly. But, NOT WANTING TO discourage Louie, the minister decided to let him try anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with Bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister
Immediately asked Jack, "Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our Bibles last week ?"

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, "Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 Bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church."

"Fine job, Jack !" The minister said, vigorously shaking his
Hand..."You are indeed a fine salesman and the church is indebted to you."

Turning to Paul, "And Paul, how many Bibles did you sell for the church last week ?"

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, 'I am a professional salesman. I sold 28 Bibles on behalf of the church, and here's $280 I collected.'

The minister responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you."

Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, "And Louie, did you manage to sell any Bibles last week ?" Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope.

The minister opened it and counted the contents. "What is this ?" the minister exclaimed. "Louie, there's $3200 in here ! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 Bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week ?"

Louie just nodded.

"That's impossible!" both Jack and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many Bibles as we could."

"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister agreed. "I think You'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie."

Louie shrugged.. "I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know F-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.

Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door !"

"A-a-a-all I-I-I S-S-said WA-WA-was," Louis replied,
"W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to B-B-B-buy th-th-th-this B-B-B-B-Bible f-f-for t-t-ten B-B-B-bucks---O-O-O-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to St-St-stand h-h-here and R-R-R-R-R-read it t-to y-y-you ?"
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Dowe Koos
LR 4WD Full Lockers
LR 4WD Full Lockers
Posts: 534
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2014 6:44 pm
Town: Pretoria
Vehicle: Toyota Buschwagen 2.7 4x4
Real Name: Hennie

Tue Jan 26, 2016 6:04 pm

Very good. :laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2:
Ecc 1:9 Wat gewees het, dit sal daar weer wees; en wat gebeur het, dit sal weer gebeur, en daar is glad niks nuuts onder die son nie.

User avatar
ChrisF
Top Web Wheeler
Top Web Wheeler
Posts: 8237
Joined: Thu Sep 17, 2009 2:56 pm
Town: Bellville
Vehicle: Langpad (RAV4)
Real Name: Chris

Tue Jan 26, 2016 6:49 pm

het n vriend wat so lekker hakkel, praat mooi vlot na n paar doppe ....

gaan die een beslis aanstuur

User avatar
4x4BEES
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 3479
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2013 10:13 am
Town: Brackenfell
Vehicle: Hilux 4.0V6
Real Name: Kevin

Fri Jan 29, 2016 5:44 pm

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

User avatar
Dirka
Low Range 4WD
Low Range 4WD
Posts: 170
Joined: Tue Jul 07, 2015 2:16 pm
Town: Doornpoort Pretoria
Vehicle: Hilux 4.0 V6 4X4 Auto DC
Real Name: Dirk

Mon Feb 01, 2016 9:50 am

This is the genuine ad from 1964 when WD40 was released!
It is now called called Q20.

Image
I got arrested for driving naked. I guess I shouldn’t have put four wheels, an engine, and a steering wheel on my bathtub.
I’m a do-it-yourself kind of lover.
” ― J. Kintz

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27318
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Tue Feb 02, 2016 6:19 pm

He was sitting at the computer the other day, drafting his will, and he called out to his wife,

"WHEN I DIE, I'M GOING TO LEAVE EVERYTHING TO YOU, MY LOVE !!"

She shouted back,

"YOU ALREADY DO NOW, YOU LAZY BASTARD!"
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27318
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Tue Feb 02, 2016 7:00 pm

Boss: Why are you late?
Sipho: There was a man who lost a hundred rand note.
Boss: ...and so you were helping him look for it?
Sipho: No. I was standing on it.
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Haboob
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 2371
Joined: Thu Aug 11, 2011 9:57 pm
Town: King Williams Town
Vehicle: Hilux
Real Name: Edge
ORRA Call Sign: HC129

Fri Feb 05, 2016 8:53 am

Ring...ring
Boss: Hallo how can I be of assistance?
Hallo boss, it is Sipho speaking.
Hi Sipho, how can I help you?
Hey boss, I will not be able to come to work today.
Why Sipho, what is the problem?
Hey boss, I have a problem with my eyes.
Wow, sorry to hear that, but what is the problem with your eyes?
Aah boss, I cannot SEE myself working today...
Image
HABOOB means "Dust Storm"

User avatar
Dowe Koos
LR 4WD Full Lockers
LR 4WD Full Lockers
Posts: 534
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2014 6:44 pm
Town: Pretoria
Vehicle: Toyota Buschwagen 2.7 4x4
Real Name: Hennie

Fri Feb 05, 2016 10:38 pm

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: Very good
Ecc 1:9 Wat gewees het, dit sal daar weer wees; en wat gebeur het, dit sal weer gebeur, en daar is glad niks nuuts onder die son nie.

User avatar
Mossienel
LR 4WD Rear Locker
LR 4WD Rear Locker
Posts: 262
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 4:43 pm
Town: Paarl
Vehicle: Hilux 2011 2.5d4d DC 4x4
Real Name: Louis
Location: Paarl en Saudi Arabia

Thu Feb 18, 2016 4:43 pm

Got a call from one of the Helper in our yard yesterday.

"Boss the truck is having trouble lifting the skip".

When we got there the guy was still pull up on the lever

Image

Image

User avatar
Dowe Koos
LR 4WD Full Lockers
LR 4WD Full Lockers
Posts: 534
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2014 6:44 pm
Town: Pretoria
Vehicle: Toyota Buschwagen 2.7 4x4
Real Name: Hennie

Thu Feb 18, 2016 6:17 pm

Na skool kry Jannie werk as 'n verkoopsman by 'n sportwinkel. Nie solank daarna stap ou Kallie in die winkel in en herken vir Jannie. Hy stap na Jannie toe en begin so speel boks met ou Jannie en Jannie speel saam. Hulle gesels en beduie so lekker en later koop Kallie 'n groot voorraad bokstoerusting by Jannie. Na Kallie weg is, het die eienaar wat die affêre dopgehou na Jannie toe gestap. Wat het hier gebeur, vra die eienaar vir Jannie. Nee, verduidelik Jannie, sy pa en Kallie het saam geboks en dis die waar hy vir Kallie ken.
So paar weke later stap Hansie in die winkel en herken ook weer toe vir Jannie. Daar is weer oor en weer groetery en Hansie en Jannie oefen so paar denkbeeldige gooie en batting. Na lekker geselsie koop Hansie ook 'n groot voorraad kriekettoerusting. Weereens het die eienaar die hele petalje dopgehou en weer vir Jannie gevra na Hansie weg is, hoe nou. Nee, verduidelik Jannie dat sy broer en Hansie was saam op skool en hy het na skool baie saam met hulle krieket gespeel. Weer na 'n week stap Ernie in en weer is dit die groetery en denkbeeldige swaaie wat die twee saam doen. Ernie stap weer daar met groot voorraad golftoerusting weg. Wat is hierdie keer die storie vra die eienaar vir Jannie oor Ernie. As kind het Jannie altyd in Desember vakansie saam met sy oom joggie gespeel vir Ernie, verduidelik Jannie. Die eienaar is baie bly oor hierdie bekendes wat by Jannie koop, want dit was goed vir sy besigheid.
Paar maande later sê die eienaar vir Jannie dat hy Italië toe moet gaan vir besigheid en aangesien Jannie so baie besigheid ingebring het, wil hy vir Jannie saamvat.
Toe hulle in Rome is, sê die eienaar dat Jannie moet maar vir paar dae homself besig hou met besienwaardighede in Rome. Hy sal dan saam met Jannie die Saterdag rondloop en Rome sien. Saterdag breek aan en die eienaar sê dat hy die oggend die St Peter kerk wil besoek en sommer die geleentheid gebruik om die Pous te sien as hy op die balkon verskyn. Daar was massa mense op die plein toe die Pous te voorskyn kom en sy seën so oor die mense uitspreek. Volgende oomblik beduie die Pous vir Jannie om op te kom na hom toe. Daar is Jannie toe weg en na 'n ruk verskyn Jannie ook op die balkon saam met die Pous. Na die groetery oor die skare sê die Pous vir Jannie dat hulle moet ingaan en gou 'n koppie tee saam geniet. Nadat hulle so lekker saam gekuier het, sê die Pous dat Jannie moet hom verskoon want hy het 'n besige dag voor hom.
Toe Jannie onder is op die plein, kyk hy uit vir die eienaar en sien so 'n klomp mense wat so saamdrom oor iets. Hy wurm hom so tussen hierdie klomp mense deur en sien die eienaar uitgepas lê op die grond. Nadat hulle hom opgekry het, vra Jannie vir die eienaar, wat het gebeur. Nee, sê die eienaar, hy kon nie glo dat die Pous so tussen die duisende mense vir Jannie herken het nie. Maar wat die ergste was toe 'n vreemde persoon langs hom vra, wie is die ou langs Jannie daar op die balkon, was dit teveel vir hom.
Ecc 1:9 Wat gewees het, dit sal daar weer wees; en wat gebeur het, dit sal weer gebeur, en daar is glad niks nuuts onder die son nie.

User avatar
ChrisF
Top Web Wheeler
Top Web Wheeler
Posts: 8237
Joined: Thu Sep 17, 2009 2:56 pm
Town: Bellville
Vehicle: Langpad (RAV4)
Real Name: Chris

Thu Feb 18, 2016 6:42 pm

mar kan Jannie nou al swem ....

User avatar
4x4BEES
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 3479
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2013 10:13 am
Town: Brackenfell
Vehicle: Hilux 4.0V6
Real Name: Kevin

Thu Feb 18, 2016 8:11 pm

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

User avatar
Baasvark
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
Posts: 1115
Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 7:45 pm
Town: Virginia
Vehicle: '97 D/C with all the trimmings & '95 S/C SFA with OME suspension
Real Name: Shane

Mon Feb 22, 2016 10:53 pm

Hahahaha!!!

Sent from my SM-N920C using Tapatalk
Aint it ironic that "Common Sense" aint so common after all...

User avatar
Mud Dog
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 27318
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy

Mon Feb 29, 2016 8:28 pm

Who said that that Scots are tight-fisted.

A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy.

Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds - to reveal a condom.

The condom has a number of patches on it.

The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.

"How much to repair it?' The Scot asks the chemist.

"Six pence" says the chemist.

"How much for a new one?"

"Ten pence" says the chemist.

The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran, and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.

A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside, followed by an even greater shout.

The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemist's and addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.

"The regiment has taken a vote," he says.
"We'll have a new one."

:eh:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

ImageImage
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!

User avatar
Froll
Monster Truck
Monster Truck
Posts: 3229
Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2012 10:13 pm
Town: Vioolsdrift
Vehicle: 1995 2,4 SFA Hilux,Home made snorkel,Home made front bumper .
Real Name: Roger
ORRA Call Sign: N/A

Tue Mar 01, 2016 5:46 pm

:D: :D: :D:

User avatar
Oupa Stig
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
Posts: 1206
Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2012 1:15 pm
Town: Johannesbug
Vehicle: Hilux KZTE 4X2 "Stagger Lee", Hilux IFS 2.7 4x4 "Loretta"
Real Name: Mickey

Tue Mar 01, 2016 9:03 pm

:laugh2: that is one of the nastiest jokes I've heard in a long time....
I feel a lot less wise at 45 than I did at 15.

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