Hilux 4x4 Forum

Brilliant!

Toe ons grassnyer breek hou my vrou aan kerm en kla dat ek die ding
moet laat regmaak. Maar ek is 'n besige man en daar is net altyd
belangriker goed om te doen. Soos rugby en krieket op die tellie. My
boot wat moet reggemaak word. Visvang ens...
Tot sy eendag slim word en probeer om haar punt te maak.
Toe ek by die huis kom is sy besig om die gras met haar kombuissker te knip.
Ek het lank na die poging staan en kyk. Toe gaan haal ek maar 'n
tandeborsel en sê vir haar: "As jy klaar is kan jy sommer die oprit ook vee."
Die dokter sê ek sal weer kan loop, maar gaan 'n permanente waggel in my stappie hê.

Just a question, does the cartoon look like him, or does he look like the cartoon?

why insult the cartoon ...

Wat het jy vandag met you Hilux gemaak. Kyk wat doen hul in noordwes.

https://www.facebook.com/gert.coetzer.7 ... 444744282/

Die 80-jarige oom gaan vir sy mediese ondersoek. Die dokter is verstom.
"Wat doen jy om in so 'n puik kondisie te wees?"
"Ek speel gholf. Ek staan op voor sonop, speel 18 putjies en drink twee glase wyn."
"Interessant. Hoe oud was jou pa toe hy dood is?"
"Wie sê my pa is dood?"
Die dokter is verstom. "Jy is 80, en jou pa leef nog?! Hoe oud is hy?"
"Hy is 100. Hy het vanoggend nog saam met my gespeel.
Toe het hy op die nudiste strand gaan stap en twee glase wyn gedrink.
"Wel," se die dokter, "en hoe oud was jou oupa toe hy dood is?"
"Wie sê my oupa is dood?"
"Wat!? En hoe oud is hy?"
"Hy is 118."
"Hy het seker ook vanoggend saam met julle gholf gespeel?"
"Nee, hy het dit nie vanoggend gemaak nie. Hy trou vandag.
Die dokter is teen hierdie tyd op die punt om van sy kop af te raak.
"Trou? Hoekom wil iemand wat 118 is trou?"
"Wie sê hy wou?"

Lol

Hoender vra vir kalkoen hoekom hy so slim is. Kalkoen: "As jy heeldag loop en google, google, google sal jy net so slim word"

bwhahahahahaha

The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday School every week.

One Sunday an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her.

He noted what a fine looking woman she was.

While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said:

"Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?"

"Why yes, that would be nice", the lady responded.

Well, the gentleman couldn't believe his luck.

On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of South Carolina .

When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested: "Would you like a cocktail before dinner?"

"Oh, no," said the fine example of southern womanhood. "Whatever would I tell my Sunday School class?"

Well, the gentleman was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner, when he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked:
"Would you like a smoke?"

"Oh my goodness no," said the woman. "I couldn't face my Sunday School class if I did !"

Well, the man felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in his car and as he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn.

He'd been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with: "Ahhh, mmmm, how would you like
to stop at this motel?"

"Sure, that would be nice," she said in anticipation.

The gentleman couldn't believe his ears. He did a fast u-turn right then and there, drove back to the motel and checked in!
The next morning, after a wild and passionate night of the most incredible lovemaking imaginable, the gentleman awoke first.

He looked at the lovely Dixie darlin' lying there in the bed and with remorse thought: "What the hell have I done?"

He shook her awake and pleaded, "I've got to ask you one thing, whatever are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"

The lady said: "The same thing I always tell them, 'You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time.'"

Importance of correct spelling...

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat,” agreed to look after her neighbour's male dog while the neighbour was on vacation. She had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, and although it was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.

"Just worked for me!" he replied.

Bwhaha! Brilliant

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A man who makes caskets was on his way to deliver one of the coffins when, not that far from his destination, his car broke down.
Trying not to be late out of respect for the client, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.
Some policemen saw him and wanted to make some money off him (bribe), so they challenged him:

"Hey!!! What are you carrying and where are you going?!"
The man said, ?Eish, I do not like where I was buried, so I am busy relocating".

The Policemen turned and ran for their lives!!!

Bwhahaha! Brilliant

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wie weet waarvoor TOYOTA regtig staan????






Wel hier is my weergawe wat ek gehoor het:

To Own Your Own Tuff Animal

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?'
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
The judge said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?'
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."

hoekom is ek nie verbaas nie???LOL

!!BREAKING NEWS!!! This just in! There have been unconfirmed reports that Jacob Zuma and his bodyguards have been hijacked just outside Nkandla. The hijackers are demanding that he pay R250 million before they release him. If he does not pay back the money they threaten to burn him and his bodyguards out inside their vehicles. We are appealing to all South Africans to stand together and donate towards this worthy cause our beloved president finds himself in. Donations are flooding in. So far we have received 3000 packs of Blitz Firelighters, 4 truckloads of dry firewood, 8419 litres of petrol and/or diesel, 2695 litres of illuminating paraffin, 9000 boxes of matches and 2934 BIC lighters...... South Africans working together for the benefit of the entire country

Brilliant lmao

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Hilux 1 wrote:wie weet waarvoor TOYOTA regtig staan????






Wel hier is my weergawe wat ek gehoor het:

To Own Your Own Tuff Animal

Tonne Ou Yster Op Twee Aste

The Complimentary Breakfast Christmas Song...

You Tube

Now sing along - the words will just fall into your mouth.


-F_D

Family_Dog wrote:The Complimentary Breakfast Christmas Song...

You Tube

Now sing along - the words will just fall into your mouth.


-F_D

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA... I Like

With the Holidays close upon us, I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.

As you know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "social session" with family or friends.

Well, two days ago, this happened to me. I was out for an evening with friends and had more than several whiskies followed by a couple of bottles of rather nice red wine and vodka shots. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit. That's when I did something I've never done before - I took a taxi home!

Sure enough on the way there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident.

This was a real surprise to me, because I had never driven a taxi before. I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.. So, anyway, if you want to borrow it give me a call.


Merry Christmas and be safe out there.


-F_D

Hehehe! .... but now some taxi driver somewhere is driving around in your Prado!

baie goed die laaste een

...

Oldie but goodie .....

Selling Bibles

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new Bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the Bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.

Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.

The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as
Salesmen and were likely capable of selling some Bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment.

Poor Louie stuttered badly. But, NOT WANTING TO discourage Louie, the minister decided to let him try anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with Bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister
Immediately asked Jack, "Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our Bibles last week ?"

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, "Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 Bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church."

"Fine job, Jack !" The minister said, vigorously shaking his
Hand..."You are indeed a fine salesman and the church is indebted to you."

Turning to Paul, "And Paul, how many Bibles did you sell for the church last week ?"

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, 'I am a professional salesman. I sold 28 Bibles on behalf of the church, and here's $280 I collected.'

The minister responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you."

Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, "And Louie, did you manage to sell any Bibles last week ?" Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope.

The minister opened it and counted the contents. "What is this ?" the minister exclaimed. "Louie, there's $3200 in here ! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 Bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week ?"

Louie just nodded.

"That's impossible!" both Jack and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many Bibles as we could."

"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister agreed. "I think You'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie."

Louie shrugged.. "I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know F-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.

Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door !"

"A-a-a-all I-I-I S-S-said WA-WA-was," Louis replied,
"W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to B-B-B-buy th-th-th-this B-B-B-B-Bible f-f-for t-t-ten B-B-B-bucks---O-O-O-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to St-St-stand h-h-here and R-R-R-R-R-read it t-to y-y-you ?"

Very good.

het n vriend wat so lekker hakkel, praat mooi vlot na n paar doppe ....

gaan die een beslis aanstuur

This is the genuine ad from 1964 when WD40 was released!
It is now called called Q20.

Boss: Why are you late?
Sipho: There was a man who lost a hundred rand note.
Boss: ...and so you were helping him look for it?
Sipho: No. I was standing on it.

Ring...ring
Boss: Hallo how can I be of assistance?
Hallo boss, it is Sipho speaking.
Hi Sipho, how can I help you?
Hey boss, I will not be able to come to work today.
Why Sipho, what is the problem?
Hey boss, I have a problem with my eyes.
Wow, sorry to hear that, but what is the problem with your eyes?
Aah boss, I cannot SEE myself working today...

Very good

Got a call from one of the Helper in our yard yesterday.

"Boss the truck is having trouble lifting the skip".

When we got there the guy was still pull up on the lever

Na skool kry Jannie werk as 'n verkoopsman by 'n sportwinkel. Nie solank daarna stap ou Kallie in die winkel in en herken vir Jannie. Hy stap na Jannie toe en begin so speel boks met ou Jannie en Jannie speel saam. Hulle gesels en beduie so lekker en later koop Kallie 'n groot voorraad bokstoerusting by Jannie. Na Kallie weg is, het die eienaar wat die affêre dopgehou na Jannie toe gestap. Wat het hier gebeur, vra die eienaar vir Jannie. Nee, verduidelik Jannie, sy pa en Kallie het saam geboks en dis die waar hy vir Kallie ken.
So paar weke later stap Hansie in die winkel en herken ook weer toe vir Jannie. Daar is weer oor en weer groetery en Hansie en Jannie oefen so paar denkbeeldige gooie en batting. Na lekker geselsie koop Hansie ook 'n groot voorraad kriekettoerusting. Weereens het die eienaar die hele petalje dopgehou en weer vir Jannie gevra na Hansie weg is, hoe nou. Nee, verduidelik Jannie dat sy broer en Hansie was saam op skool en hy het na skool baie saam met hulle krieket gespeel. Weer na 'n week stap Ernie in en weer is dit die groetery en denkbeeldige swaaie wat die twee saam doen. Ernie stap weer daar met groot voorraad golftoerusting weg. Wat is hierdie keer die storie vra die eienaar vir Jannie oor Ernie. As kind het Jannie altyd in Desember vakansie saam met sy oom joggie gespeel vir Ernie, verduidelik Jannie. Die eienaar is baie bly oor hierdie bekendes wat by Jannie koop, want dit was goed vir sy besigheid.
Paar maande later sê die eienaar vir Jannie dat hy Italië toe moet gaan vir besigheid en aangesien Jannie so baie besigheid ingebring het, wil hy vir Jannie saamvat.
Toe hulle in Rome is, sê die eienaar dat Jannie moet maar vir paar dae homself besig hou met besienwaardighede in Rome. Hy sal dan saam met Jannie die Saterdag rondloop en Rome sien. Saterdag breek aan en die eienaar sê dat hy die oggend die St Peter kerk wil besoek en sommer die geleentheid gebruik om die Pous te sien as hy op die balkon verskyn. Daar was massa mense op die plein toe die Pous te voorskyn kom en sy seën so oor die mense uitspreek. Volgende oomblik beduie die Pous vir Jannie om op te kom na hom toe. Daar is Jannie toe weg en na 'n ruk verskyn Jannie ook op die balkon saam met die Pous. Na die groetery oor die skare sê die Pous vir Jannie dat hulle moet ingaan en gou 'n koppie tee saam geniet. Nadat hulle so lekker saam gekuier het, sê die Pous dat Jannie moet hom verskoon want hy het 'n besige dag voor hom.
Toe Jannie onder is op die plein, kyk hy uit vir die eienaar en sien so 'n klomp mense wat so saamdrom oor iets. Hy wurm hom so tussen hierdie klomp mense deur en sien die eienaar uitgepas lê op die grond. Nadat hulle hom opgekry het, vra Jannie vir die eienaar, wat het gebeur. Nee, sê die eienaar, hy kon nie glo dat die Pous so tussen die duisende mense vir Jannie herken het nie. Maar wat die ergste was toe 'n vreemde persoon langs hom vra, wie is die ou langs Jannie daar op die balkon, was dit teveel vir hom.

mar kan Jannie nou al swem ....

Hahahaha!!!

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Who said that that Scots are tight-fisted.

A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy.

Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds - to reveal a condom.

The condom has a number of patches on it.

The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.

"How much to repair it?' The Scot asks the chemist.

"Six pence" says the chemist.

"How much for a new one?"

"Ten pence" says the chemist.

The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran, and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.

A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside, followed by an even greater shout.

The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemist's and addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.

"The regiment has taken a vote," he says.
"We'll have a new one."

that is one of the nastiest jokes I've heard in a long time....