Page 60 of 62

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2016 9:37 am
by Mud Dog
There is little as infectious as laughter - see if you can stop yourself laughing along with these guys doing a test of Helium Beer .....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3V9QHBgrPNY" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2016 4:54 pm
by Froll
Hahaha, very funny. That should be a good trick to pull on some one.

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2016 2:51 pm
by Mud Dog
After my recent Prostate Exam, which was by far one of the most thorough examinations I've ever had, the Doctor left and the nurse came in.

As she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn't want to hear....
She said...."Who Was That guy?"


:shock: :blink:


.

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2016 4:00 pm
by Thunder02
Mud Dog wrote:After my recent Prostate Exam, which was by far one of the most thorough examinations I've ever had, the Doctor left and the nurse came in.

As she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn't want to hear....
She said...."Who Was That guy?"


:shock: :blink:


.
Ouch....... :shock2:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2016 7:32 pm
by Family_Dog
I actually went for one today - PSA came down nicely after the brachytherapy treatment

And yes, it was the doc who tested me!

-F_D

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2016 3:02 am
by Mud Dog
Family_Dog wrote:I actually went for one today - PSA came down nicely after the brachytherapy treatment

And yes, it was the doc who tested me!

-F_D
:thumbup: :thumbup: Good to hear! :clap:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2016 10:22 am
by Knuppel
Went for prostate exam......thinking back about it now..... I swear the doc had both hands on my shoulders.... :shock2:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2016 12:38 pm
by Mud Dog
:laugh2:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2016 8:56 am
by Mud Dog
april.jpg

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 1:48 am
by Dirka
Image

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 2:41 pm
by Froll
:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2016 12:06 pm
by Obelix and Dogmatix
A plane with 5 people on board was about to crash, but there were only 4 parachutes.
The 1st person, Lionel Messi, said,
"I'm the world's best footballer, I cant die now!"
So he took one of the parachutes and left.
Aliko Dangote, said,
"I'm the richest man in Africa, I can't die now!" So he took the 2nd parachute and left.
The third was a Jacob Zuma and he said,
"I'm the president of SA moreover another election is around the corner, so I cant die now!"
So he took one and left.
Then the Pope said to the little girl,
"Take the last one, I'll sacrifice my life for you."
The little girl replied,
"No need for that, your Holiness, there are two parachutes left."
The pope asked her,
"How come?"
The little girl replied,
"That SA President took my school bag !

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2016 1:15 pm
by Mylux
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2016 8:09 am
by CasKru
If only....

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2016 8:12 am
by Baasvark
IMAGE-20160412-WA0008.jpg
Sent from my SM-N920C using Tapatalk

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2016 8:47 am
by Thunder02
We can only wish :laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2016 9:50 am
by Mud Dog
The rain was pouring down. And there standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub, was an old Irishman, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water.

A passer-by stopped and asked, "What are you doing?"

"Fishing", replied the old man.

Feeling sorry for the old man, the gent says, "Come in out of the rain and have a drink with me." In the warmth of the pub, as they sip their whiskies, the gentleman cannot resist asking, "So how many have you caught today?"

"You're the eighth", says the old man.

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2016 10:06 am
by Mud Dog
Norman and Barry got married in California .......

They couldn't afford a honeymoon so they went back to Norman's Mum and Dad's house for their first married night together.

In the morning, Little Johnny, Norman's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he's going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mum if Norman and Barry are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.

Little Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mum replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!! Just go to school.'

Little Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mum, 'Are Norman and Barry up yet?' She replies, 'No...'

Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mum replies, 'Never mind what you think!! Eat your lunch and go back to school.'

After school, Little Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Norman and Barry up yet?' His mum says, 'No.'

He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mum replies, 'Oh OK then, tell me what you think.'

He says: 'Last night Norman came to my room for the Vaseline and I think... I gave him my airplane glue.'

:twisted: :angel:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2016 11:06 am
by Baasvark
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2016 11:40 am
by Dowe Koos
+1

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Mon May 09, 2016 2:27 pm
by grobbepj
ImageUploadedByTapatalk1462796846.152754.jpg

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Tue May 10, 2016 4:24 pm
by Obelix and Dogmatix
Pasop vir die Boere.
Barack Obama was sitting in his office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang.
"Howzit, Barack!" a voice in broken English said. "This is Koos Vannermerwe here from the Doringboom Bar in Welkom , South Africa . I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you, boet!"
"Well, Koos," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Koos, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Jan, my next-door neighbour Lang Hannes, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight of us!"
Barack paused. "I must tell you, Koos, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Blikkiesfontein!" said Koos. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day, Koos called again."Barack, my china, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Koos?" Barack asked.
"Well, we have four Hilux double-cabs, two kombis, an old Case bulldozer, and Vet Gert's John Deere tractor".
Barack sighed. "I must tell you, Koos, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1,5 million since we last spoke."
"Liewe erdvark!" said Koos. "I'll have to get back to you..." Sure enough, Koos rang again the next day. "Barack, ou swaer, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Doepie's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four okes from the Virginia Hengelklub have joined us as well!"
Barack was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Koos, I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Slaat my dood!", said Koos, "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, Koos called again the next day. "Jis, jis, jis, Barack! I am sorry to tell you that we've had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Koos, "we've all had a long chat over some klippies and coke, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of war!"

Like

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Tue May 10, 2016 6:47 pm
by Knuppel
:lmao:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Fri May 13, 2016 5:42 am
by Mud Dog
A woman goes into the Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line.

It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally passes gas. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"

He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50."

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Wed May 18, 2016 3:06 pm
by Mud Dog
Nou gaan ons mos braai! :D:

braai 1.jpg
braai 1.jpg (12.92 KiB) Viewed 33241 times

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Wed May 18, 2016 3:44 pm
by Pietman
Trieng trieng!!!

"Hallo baas. Dis Philemon, die gardenboy op jou plaas. Ek probeer jou al dae lank in die hande kry."

"Hallo Philemon. Wat kan ek vir jou doen? Is daar probleme?"

"Uum. Ja my baas. Ek bel net om te vertel die baas se papagaai is dood."

"My papagaai? Dood? Die een wat die nasionale kompetisie gewen het?"

"Yebo. Dis hy daai my baas."

"Jissie Philemon, dis nou jammer. Ek het 'n klein fortuin op daardie voël
spandeer. Waaraan is hy dood?"

"Hy het vrot vleis geëet my baas."

"Vrot vleis? Wie het vir hom vrot vleis gegee Philemon?"

"Niemand nie my baas. Hy het die vleis van die dooie perd geëet."

"Dooie perd? Watter dooie perd Philemon?"

"Die thoroughbred my baas."

"My pryswenner perd is dood?"

"Yebo my baas. Hy's dood van al die harde werk om die waterkar te trek."

"Is jy nou bedonerd Philemon? Watter waterkar?"

"Die een wat ons gebruik het om die vuur dood te maak, my baas."

"Goeie moer, van watse vuur praat jy Philemon?"

"Die een in jou huis my baas. Die kers, hy het geval en die gordyne aan
die brand gesteek."

"Wat??? Wil jy nou sê die huis het afgebrand deur 'n blerrie kers wat omgeval het?"

"Yebo my baas."

"Maar daar is mos elektrisiteit by die huis Philemon. Waarvoor het die kers gebrand?"

"Vir die funeral my baas."

"WATTER DONNERSE FUNERAL PHILEMON?"

"Van jou vrou my baas. Sy het een aand hier aangekom en vir niemand
vertel sy kom nie. Ek het gedog dis 'n rower, toe slaan ek haar dood met die baas se nuwe vistok."

STILTE.....

"Philemon, as jy my visstok gebreek het, bliksem ek jou dood!!!"

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Wed May 18, 2016 5:18 pm
by ChrisF
bly hy het darem sy prioriteite reg ....

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Wed May 18, 2016 6:16 pm
by Mud Dog
:laugh2:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Wed May 18, 2016 8:28 pm
by Froll
:laugh2: :laugh2:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Fri May 20, 2016 12:43 pm
by Dirka
Oupa vat elke oggend sy 5-jarige kleindogter Ansie skool toe.
Toe hy een oggend siek is vat ouma haar.
Die aand vertel sy haar ma en pa dat die ryery saam met ouma baie anders was as saam met oupa.
"Hoekom?", vra hulle.
Sy antwoord:
" Ek en ouma het nie een flippen idioot, blinde bliks@m of dom d@nner op die pad gesien nie!"

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Fri May 20, 2016 4:27 pm
by Mud Dog
B_Hilton.jpg

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Fri May 20, 2016 8:58 pm
by Froll
:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Tue May 24, 2016 11:33 am
by pietdevs
In many years I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a government!

Foreign aid is defined as the transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

What we need in SA is more unemployed politicians!

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Fri May 27, 2016 1:45 am
by Mud Dog
At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace. The silence was broken by a young beautiful woman walking toward the front of the church, carrying a child in her arms.

The atmosphere turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groom's mother fainted. The grooms-men wondered how to help save the situation.

The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?"

The woman replied, "We can't hear at the back."

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2016 11:43 pm
by Mud Dog
Hey guys, this is a fairly urgent 'shout-out'.

A friend of mine in Cape Town has a ticket for the Springboks vs Ireland game at Newlands on the 11th June. When he bought the ticket he didn't realise that the match is on the same day as his wedding and now he is urgently looking for someone to go in his place.



The church is in Swellendam, the brides name is Jennifer and everything is already paid for. All you have to do is turn up and say "I do".

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2016 8:50 pm
by Froll
Forward pics of bride....... :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2016 9:08 pm
by ChrisF
Froll wrote:Forward pics of bride....... :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
Just look for the lonely lady in white in front of this majestic old church in the main road of Swellendam
Aghulas-175.jpg

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2016 9:10 pm
by Froll
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: have to get past the wife first. :laugh2: :laugh2:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2016 10:05 pm
by Mud Dog
Froll wrote::lmao: :lmao: :lmao: have to get past the wife first. :laugh2: :laugh2:
What the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't feel! :twisted:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2016 1:24 am
by Mud Dog
Johnny's teacher is giving a lesson on Nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for Breakfast.
To add a Spelling Component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.

Susan puts up her hand and says she had an Egg, 'E-G-G'
Very good', says the teacher.

Peter says he had Toast, 'T-O-A-S-T?
'Excellent.'

Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him:
'I had Bugger All', he says, ' B-U-G-G-E-R-A-L-L'.

The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer

Later, when the lesson turns to Geography, she asks the students some
rudimentary questions.

Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada. Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada 's East Coast.

When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the Nutrition Lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question:

"Johnny", she asks, 'Where is the Pakistani Border?'

Johnny ponders the question and finally says, "The Pakistani border is in bed with my mother. That's why I got Bugger All for Breakfast."

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2016 2:53 pm
by Dirka
2 Quick ones..

A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I Love you!"

The husband, typically non-romantic, replied:
"I am on the toilet. Please advise."

:siffler:

Bloke falling from a plane and can't open his chute.
He meets a bloke going upwards and asks him:
"Do you know anything about parachutes?"

The bloke going up replies:
"No, do you know anything about gas cookers?"

:thumbup:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2016 12:07 am
by Mud Dog
LIEFIE.JPG

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2016 1:27 pm
by Hunter26
[FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY][FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY][FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY][FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY][FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY]

Sent from my D2403 using Tapatalk

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2016 3:37 pm
by Froll
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2016 11:31 am
by werewolf
image.jpeg

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2016 12:12 pm
by Hilux 1
The joke goes somthing like this: a dad remarried, after a week or so, he told his son:
You know what? Marraige has been good to me second time round (remembering the man being of age allready), his son said: great dad but i do not need to know stuff like this, the dad says: i'm having sex almost every night of the week. Almost Monday, almost Tuesday etc etc.

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2016 12:13 pm
by Dirka
:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

..I do however think those legs will look better on a HILUX bonnet! :laugh2:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2016 3:58 pm
by Mud Dog
English!.jpg

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2016 1:02 pm
by Pietman
WhatsApp-Image-20160706.jpeg

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2016 1:25 pm
by Dirka
LOL :lmao:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2016 2:43 pm
by arnize2
Nou lanklaas so lekker gelag.

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2016 12:55 pm
by 4 runner oldie
phpBB [video]

View Original

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2016 2:27 pm
by Mud Dog
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrDYdh7 ... u4IWOmYGFU" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2016 3:04 pm
by Obelix and Dogmatix
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.”
Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him, “Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of it…
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket.”
He continued, “Later, about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook.”
He continued, “Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with bunch of perfume bottles on it…all of them hit the floor and broke.
Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer…and, honest mister, all I did was tell her!”

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2016 11:05 pm
by Hunter26
[FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY][FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY][FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY][FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY][FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY]

Sent from my D2403 using Tapatalk

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2016 8:56 pm
by Froll
:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2016 5:04 pm
by Mud Dog
pigs.jpg

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2016 5:17 pm
by GI Jane
that's the type of thing you could do when your retired, and have nothing else to do..

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2016 3:30 pm
by Obelix and Dogmatix
:twisted: :twisted: :twisted: never stuff around with a retiree!!!! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

Re: Joke of the day

Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2016 7:36 pm
by Froll
...