Bushwacker wrote:During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says:- "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine.
Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.
"No! No! Don't remove your clothes... Just stick out your tongue!"
Joke of the day
Forum rules
Please keep it light hearted enol. No serious stufs hey! :)
We are trying to make the technical information more visible in the Active Topics section. So we are trying to combine all the humour posts into a single thread. This will then more or less always stay on the active topics page if you keep appending your jokes onto this single thread. Your assistance will be greatly appreciated
Please keep it light hearted enol. No serious stufs hey! :)
We are trying to make the technical information more visible in the Active Topics section. So we are trying to combine all the humour posts into a single thread. This will then more or less always stay on the active topics page if you keep appending your jokes onto this single thread. Your assistance will be greatly appreciated
- Thunder02
- Moderator
- Posts: 8033
- Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2010 7:53 pm
- Town: East Rand
- Vehicle: IFS Hilux
- Real Name: Neil
- Club VHF Licence: HC105
- Location: 4x4 Direct Boksburg
- Contact:
Re: Joke of the day
Not all those who wander are lost!
Scout motto:be prepared....
www.4x4direct.co.za
Email: boksburg@4x4direct.co.za
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!
Scout motto:be prepared....
www.4x4direct.co.za
Email: boksburg@4x4direct.co.za
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!
- Mud Dog
- Moderator
- Posts: 29859
- Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
- Town: East London
- Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
- Real Name: Andy
- Club VHF Licence: HC103
Re: Joke of the day
A little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet.
His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up.
The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book, but about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand.
His mother says: "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while".
Billy says: "I'm fine, mummy... I just haven't done it yet. "
Mother says: "OK, you can stay here a few more minutes, but, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"
……
Billy says: "It works on the tomato sauce bottle!"
His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up.
The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book, but about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand.
His mother says: "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while".
Billy says: "I'm fine, mummy... I just haven't done it yet. "
Mother says: "OK, you can stay here a few more minutes, but, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"
……
Billy says: "It works on the tomato sauce bottle!"
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
- JEEPIE
- Monster Truck
- Posts: 2052
- Joined: Sun Sep 30, 2012 7:36 pm
- Town: Roodepoort
- Vehicle: Official hilux 4x4 club recovery vehicle
- Real Name: Shaun
- Club VHF Licence: X 43
Re: Joke of the day
bwaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhMud Dog wrote:A little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet.
His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up.
The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book, but about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand.
His mother says: "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while".
Billy says: "I'm fine, mummy... I just haven't done it yet. "
Mother says: "OK, you can stay here a few more minutes, but, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"
……
Billy says: "It works on the tomato sauce bottle!"
OFFICIAL HILUX 4x4 RECOVERY VEHICLE
if you want to change this to recovered , first recover me - and have a relevant picture / foto to prove it !
ADVANCED 4x4 DRIVER COURSES DONE : US 254135 / US 254154
(STILL AWAITING SO-CALLED TETA CERTIFICATION VIA THE SERVICE PROVIDER AFRICAN OFF-ROAD ACADEMY - WHAT A JOKE)
if you want to change this to recovered , first recover me - and have a relevant picture / foto to prove it !
ADVANCED 4x4 DRIVER COURSES DONE : US 254135 / US 254154
(STILL AWAITING SO-CALLED TETA CERTIFICATION VIA THE SERVICE PROVIDER AFRICAN OFF-ROAD ACADEMY - WHAT A JOKE)
- Thunder02
- Moderator
- Posts: 8033
- Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2010 7:53 pm
- Town: East Rand
- Vehicle: IFS Hilux
- Real Name: Neil
- Club VHF Licence: HC105
- Location: 4x4 Direct Boksburg
- Contact:
Re: Joke of the day
Not all those who wander are lost!
Scout motto:be prepared....
www.4x4direct.co.za
Email: boksburg@4x4direct.co.za
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!
Scout motto:be prepared....
www.4x4direct.co.za
Email: boksburg@4x4direct.co.za
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!
- Mud Dog
- Moderator
- Posts: 29859
- Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
- Town: East London
- Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
- Real Name: Andy
- Club VHF Licence: HC103
Re: Joke of the day
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
- Hoppy
- Monster Truck
- Posts: 5784
- Joined: Mon Jan 07, 2008 10:15 pm
- Town: Cape Town
- Vehicle: Hilux SFA & IFS
- Real Name: Allan 0721291160
Re: Joke of the day
Sipho is starting up a garden service
Sipho buys a chainsaw which guarantees to cut down 40 trees in an hour.
Sipho sets to work but only cuts 10 in the hour. So he takes it back to the shop.
He says to the shop owner “This doesn't cut 40 trees an hour, I've only done 10!”
With that the shop owner starts up the chainsaw.
Sipho looks at him and shouts, “Bloody hell! What's that noise?”...
Sipho buys a chainsaw which guarantees to cut down 40 trees in an hour.
Sipho sets to work but only cuts 10 in the hour. So he takes it back to the shop.
He says to the shop owner “This doesn't cut 40 trees an hour, I've only done 10!”
With that the shop owner starts up the chainsaw.
Sipho looks at him and shouts, “Bloody hell! What's that noise?”...
aev@iburst.co.za
The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
- Thunder02
- Moderator
- Posts: 8033
- Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2010 7:53 pm
- Town: East Rand
- Vehicle: IFS Hilux
- Real Name: Neil
- Club VHF Licence: HC105
- Location: 4x4 Direct Boksburg
- Contact:
Re: Joke of the day
Hoppy wrote:Sipho is starting up a garden service
Sipho buys a chainsaw which guarantees to cut down 40 trees in an hour.
Sipho sets to work but only cuts 10 in the hour. So he takes it back to the shop.
He says to the shop owner “This doesn't cut 40 trees an hour, I've only done 10!”
With that the shop owner starts up the chainsaw.
Sipho looks at him and shouts, “Bloody hell! What's that noise?”...
Not all those who wander are lost!
Scout motto:be prepared....
www.4x4direct.co.za
Email: boksburg@4x4direct.co.za
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!
Scout motto:be prepared....
www.4x4direct.co.za
Email: boksburg@4x4direct.co.za
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!
- Donkey
- Monster Truck
- Posts: 5132
- Joined: Fri Oct 30, 2009 12:33 am
- Town: Johannesburg
- Vehicle: 2002 3.0KZ-TE 4x4, Eazyawn RTT, Snorkel, NudgeM Bumper, 38mm Ball Joint Spacers, 35" Maxxis Bighorns, Dastek Unichip, 60 ltr Snomaster fridge/freezer, 40mm body lift, Mikem front/rear with extended shackles, Bilsteins shox rear
- Real Name: Tumelo Thebe aka Baas John
- Club VHF Licence: X122
Re: Joke of the day
Tumelo Maketekete
Donkey, simple and often misunderstood.
We don't stop playing because we grow old, but we grow old because we stop playing!
2002 - 3.0KZ-TE Toyota Hilux (Letebele)
1994 - 1.6i Gl Toyota Corolla (Platkar)
1990 - Gli TwinCam 16v (ZuluBoy)
Donkey, simple and often misunderstood.
We don't stop playing because we grow old, but we grow old because we stop playing!
2002 - 3.0KZ-TE Toyota Hilux (Letebele)
1994 - 1.6i Gl Toyota Corolla (Platkar)
1990 - Gli TwinCam 16v (ZuluBoy)
- MOFASA
- Monster Truck
- Posts: 3095
- Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 7:27 pm
- Town: Kempton Park
- Vehicle: 1998 JEEP XJ 4.0............ 4 inch lift.... more mods to follow............ Old vehicle was MOFASA
- Real Name: Johno
- Club VHF Licence: X119
- Location: Kempton Park
Re: Joke of the day
DO You Fart in Bed?
If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you.
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts..........
Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.
He said, 'honey you were right'. 'All these years you have warned me and Ii didn't listen to you'.'
What do you mean?' asked his wife.
'Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.
But by the grace of God, with some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.
If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you.
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts..........
Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.
He said, 'honey you were right'. 'All these years you have warned me and Ii didn't listen to you'.'
What do you mean?' asked his wife.
'Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.
But by the grace of God, with some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.
Live Life in the FAST lane....
Forget the past, Embrace the FUTURE!!!!
To 4x4 or not to 4x4 thats the question....
IT'S A JEEP ..... You wouldn't understand....
[rimg=206x128]
Forget the past, Embrace the FUTURE!!!!
To 4x4 or not to 4x4 thats the question....
IT'S A JEEP ..... You wouldn't understand....
[rimg=206x128]
- GI Jane
- Monster Truck
- Posts: 4019
- Joined: Mon May 16, 2011 4:07 pm
- Town: Strand WC
- Vehicle: Toyota Hilux 4x4, 2.41t Raider 1998 DC - front & rear difflock, 140lt fuel tank, 31" BFG a/t, snorkel, drawer system, alucab canopy, driver with attitude.
- Real Name: Val
- Club VHF Licence: X112
Re: Joke of the day
ooooppppsss
- Oupa Stig
- LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
- Posts: 1204
- Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2012 1:15 pm
- Town: Johannesbug
- Vehicle: Hilux KZTE 4X2 "Stagger Lee", Hilux IFS 2.7 4x4 "Loretta"
- Real Name: Mickey
Re: Joke of the day
Saw this lad a while ago...
- Attachments
-
- Boomboom moped.jpg (49.55 KiB) Viewed 15021 times
I feel a lot less wise at 45 than I did at 15.
- Oupa Stig
- LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
- Posts: 1204
- Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2012 1:15 pm
- Town: Johannesbug
- Vehicle: Hilux KZTE 4X2 "Stagger Lee", Hilux IFS 2.7 4x4 "Loretta"
- Real Name: Mickey
Re: Joke of the day
And this one... Bad pic, but: Alucab, anyone?
- Attachments
-
- Pressed alucanopy.jpg
- (38.43 KiB) Downloaded 282 times
I feel a lot less wise at 45 than I did at 15.
- Thunder02
- Moderator
- Posts: 8033
- Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2010 7:53 pm
- Town: East Rand
- Vehicle: IFS Hilux
- Real Name: Neil
- Club VHF Licence: HC105
- Location: 4x4 Direct Boksburg
- Contact:
Re: Joke of the day
One way to advertiseOupa Stig wrote:And this one... Bad pic, but: Alucab, anyone?
Not all those who wander are lost!
Scout motto:be prepared....
www.4x4direct.co.za
Email: boksburg@4x4direct.co.za
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!
Scout motto:be prepared....
www.4x4direct.co.za
Email: boksburg@4x4direct.co.za
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!
- Mud Dog
- Moderator
- Posts: 29859
- Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
- Town: East London
- Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
- Real Name: Andy
- Club VHF Licence: HC103
Re: Joke of the day
Those old pressed steel ceilings were beautiful! That's a pretty effective way to advertise .... good idea!.
This ad however is something else
http://www.gumtree.co.za/cp-beds-in-wyn ... -512980267" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Maybe not so funny if it is indeed true!
This ad however is something else
http://www.gumtree.co.za/cp-beds-in-wyn ... -512980267" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Maybe not so funny if it is indeed true!
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
- Mud Dog
- Moderator
- Posts: 29859
- Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
- Town: East London
- Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
- Real Name: Andy
- Club VHF Licence: HC103
Re: Joke of the day
........... and in similar vein, .............
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.
The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.
At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."
The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left, the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman? How'd you come to the diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what probably was making her sick."
The younger doctor said "Pretty clever. If you don't mind, I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She said that she just didn't have the energy she once did and said, "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."
"You've probably been doing too much for the Church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder doctor said, "I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, she's very active in the church, but how did you arrive at it?"
"I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the vicar under the bed."
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.
The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.
At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."
The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left, the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman? How'd you come to the diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what probably was making her sick."
The younger doctor said "Pretty clever. If you don't mind, I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She said that she just didn't have the energy she once did and said, "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."
"You've probably been doing too much for the Church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder doctor said, "I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, she's very active in the church, but how did you arrive at it?"
"I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the vicar under the bed."
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
- Mud Dog
- Moderator
- Posts: 29859
- Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
- Town: East London
- Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
- Real Name: Andy
- Club VHF Licence: HC103
Re: Joke of the day
SA SPIDER - BITE DANGEROUS
Beware of this spider that lives mainly in residential areas, especially around braai areas, Lapas etc.
The spider's bite has downed many great men.
These are just some of the common symptoms among the victims:
Dizziness, speech impairment, nausea and severe headaches. Can also lead to a false sense of superior driving skills amongst other things!
BEWARE!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Beware of this spider that lives mainly in residential areas, especially around braai areas, Lapas etc.
The spider's bite has downed many great men.
These are just some of the common symptoms among the victims:
Dizziness, speech impairment, nausea and severe headaches. Can also lead to a false sense of superior driving skills amongst other things!
BEWARE!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
- MOFASA
- Monster Truck
- Posts: 3095
- Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 7:27 pm
- Town: Kempton Park
- Vehicle: 1998 JEEP XJ 4.0............ 4 inch lift.... more mods to follow............ Old vehicle was MOFASA
- Real Name: Johno
- Club VHF Licence: X119
- Location: Kempton Park
Re: Joke of the day
Mud Dog wrote:Those old pressed steel ceilings were beautiful! That's a pretty effective way to advertise .... good idea!.
This ad however is something else
http://www.gumtree.co.za/cp-beds-in-wyn ... -512980267" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Maybe not so funny if it is indeed true!
Holey Cow thats just a kick in his x wife face.....
Good sense of humor though....
Live Life in the FAST lane....
Forget the past, Embrace the FUTURE!!!!
To 4x4 or not to 4x4 thats the question....
IT'S A JEEP ..... You wouldn't understand....
[rimg=206x128]
Forget the past, Embrace the FUTURE!!!!
To 4x4 or not to 4x4 thats the question....
IT'S A JEEP ..... You wouldn't understand....
[rimg=206x128]
- GI Jane
- Monster Truck
- Posts: 4019
- Joined: Mon May 16, 2011 4:07 pm
- Town: Strand WC
- Vehicle: Toyota Hilux 4x4, 2.41t Raider 1998 DC - front & rear difflock, 140lt fuel tank, 31" BFG a/t, snorkel, drawer system, alucab canopy, driver with attitude.
- Real Name: Val
- Club VHF Licence: X112
Re: Joke of the day
hee...hee...
- Mud Dog
- Moderator
- Posts: 29859
- Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
- Town: East London
- Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
- Real Name: Andy
- Club VHF Licence: HC103
Re: Joke of the day
No matter what the husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to carnal pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi.
The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes a suggestion: "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your wife fantasise and should bring on an orgasm..."
They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It does not help and the wife is still unsatisfied.
Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi. "Okay" he says to the husband "Try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them".
Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice. They go home and hire, the same strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and soon she has an enormous, room-shaking, screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly "See that, you schmuck? Now THAT'S how you wave a towel!!"
The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes a suggestion: "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your wife fantasise and should bring on an orgasm..."
They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It does not help and the wife is still unsatisfied.
Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi. "Okay" he says to the husband "Try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them".
Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice. They go home and hire, the same strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and soon she has an enormous, room-shaking, screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly "See that, you schmuck? Now THAT'S how you wave a towel!!"
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
- JEEPIE
- Monster Truck
- Posts: 2052
- Joined: Sun Sep 30, 2012 7:36 pm
- Town: Roodepoort
- Vehicle: Official hilux 4x4 club recovery vehicle
- Real Name: Shaun
- Club VHF Licence: X 43
Re: Joke of the day
My dokter het gese as ek 'n lang gesonde lewe wil hê moet ek drank uitsny.
Ek het nou al amper 2 plakboeke vol prentjies van drank.
As jy ook wil drank uitsny, die pamflette van Makro het lekker baie prente
van alle soorte drank!
Ek het nou al amper 2 plakboeke vol prentjies van drank.
As jy ook wil drank uitsny, die pamflette van Makro het lekker baie prente
van alle soorte drank!
OFFICIAL HILUX 4x4 RECOVERY VEHICLE
if you want to change this to recovered , first recover me - and have a relevant picture / foto to prove it !
ADVANCED 4x4 DRIVER COURSES DONE : US 254135 / US 254154
(STILL AWAITING SO-CALLED TETA CERTIFICATION VIA THE SERVICE PROVIDER AFRICAN OFF-ROAD ACADEMY - WHAT A JOKE)
if you want to change this to recovered , first recover me - and have a relevant picture / foto to prove it !
ADVANCED 4x4 DRIVER COURSES DONE : US 254135 / US 254154
(STILL AWAITING SO-CALLED TETA CERTIFICATION VIA THE SERVICE PROVIDER AFRICAN OFF-ROAD ACADEMY - WHAT A JOKE)
- JEEPIE
- Monster Truck
- Posts: 2052
- Joined: Sun Sep 30, 2012 7:36 pm
- Town: Roodepoort
- Vehicle: Official hilux 4x4 club recovery vehicle
- Real Name: Shaun
- Club VHF Licence: X 43
Re: Joke of the day
My dokter sê my hy kan nie presies sê wat is fout met my nie, dis moontlik
al die gedrinkery.
So ek sal maar terug gaan as hy nugter is...
al die gedrinkery.
So ek sal maar terug gaan as hy nugter is...
OFFICIAL HILUX 4x4 RECOVERY VEHICLE
if you want to change this to recovered , first recover me - and have a relevant picture / foto to prove it !
ADVANCED 4x4 DRIVER COURSES DONE : US 254135 / US 254154
(STILL AWAITING SO-CALLED TETA CERTIFICATION VIA THE SERVICE PROVIDER AFRICAN OFF-ROAD ACADEMY - WHAT A JOKE)
if you want to change this to recovered , first recover me - and have a relevant picture / foto to prove it !
ADVANCED 4x4 DRIVER COURSES DONE : US 254135 / US 254154
(STILL AWAITING SO-CALLED TETA CERTIFICATION VIA THE SERVICE PROVIDER AFRICAN OFF-ROAD ACADEMY - WHAT A JOKE)
- Mylux
- LR 4WD Full Lockers
- Posts: 530
- Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2012 9:19 pm
- Town: Roodepoort
- Vehicle: 4.0L V6 Vigo 4x4
- Real Name: Greg
- Club VHF Licence: HC249
Re: Joke of the day
Kia..........!
- Attachments
-
- IMG_120797934556032.jpeg
- Kia..........!
- (60.53 KiB) Downloaded 119 times
- Oupa Stig
- LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
- Posts: 1204
- Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2012 1:15 pm
- Town: Johannesbug
- Vehicle: Hilux KZTE 4X2 "Stagger Lee", Hilux IFS 2.7 4x4 "Loretta"
- Real Name: Mickey
Re: Joke of the day
Ha ha ha, very funny, Sony, I mean Sonny!
I feel a lot less wise at 45 than I did at 15.
-
- Low Range 4WD
- Posts: 136
- Joined: Thu Oct 30, 2008 3:03 pm
- Town: Pretoria
- Vehicle: 93 Hilux
- Real Name: Z
- Club VHF Licence: HC 117
- Location: Moreletapark
Re: Joke of the day
Gholf en wyn is die antwoord
Die 80-jarige Italiaanse gholfspeler gaan vir sy mediese ondersoek. Die dokter is verstom. "Wat doen jy om in so 'n puik kondisie te wees?"
"Ek speel gholf. Ek staan voor sonop, speel 18 putjies en drink twee glase wyn."
"Interessant. Hoe oud was jou pa toe hy dood is?"
"Wie se my pas is dood?" Die dokter is verstom. "Jy is 80, en jou pa leef nog?!
Hoe oud is hy?"
"Hy is 100. Hy het vanoggend nog saam met my gespeel. Toe het hy op die nudistestrand gaan stap en twee glase wyn gedrink. Hy is 'n Italianer en hy speel gholf." "Wel," se die dokter, "en hoe oud was jou oupa toe hy dood is?"
"Wie se my oupa is dood?" "Wat!? En hoe oud is hy?"
"Hy is 118."
"Hy het seker ook vanoggend saam met julle gholf gespeel?"
"Nee, hy het dit nie vanoggend gemaak nie. Hy trou vandag."
Die dokter is teen hierdie tyd op die punt om van sy kop af te raak. "Trou?
Hoekom wil iemand wat 118 is trou?"
"Wie se hy wou?"
Die 80-jarige Italiaanse gholfspeler gaan vir sy mediese ondersoek. Die dokter is verstom. "Wat doen jy om in so 'n puik kondisie te wees?"
"Ek speel gholf. Ek staan voor sonop, speel 18 putjies en drink twee glase wyn."
"Interessant. Hoe oud was jou pa toe hy dood is?"
"Wie se my pas is dood?" Die dokter is verstom. "Jy is 80, en jou pa leef nog?!
Hoe oud is hy?"
"Hy is 100. Hy het vanoggend nog saam met my gespeel. Toe het hy op die nudistestrand gaan stap en twee glase wyn gedrink. Hy is 'n Italianer en hy speel gholf." "Wel," se die dokter, "en hoe oud was jou oupa toe hy dood is?"
"Wie se my oupa is dood?" "Wat!? En hoe oud is hy?"
"Hy is 118."
"Hy het seker ook vanoggend saam met julle gholf gespeel?"
"Nee, hy het dit nie vanoggend gemaak nie. Hy trou vandag."
Die dokter is teen hierdie tyd op die punt om van sy kop af te raak. "Trou?
Hoekom wil iemand wat 118 is trou?"
"Wie se hy wou?"
'93 Hilux 4Y EFI
- GI Jane
- Monster Truck
- Posts: 4019
- Joined: Mon May 16, 2011 4:07 pm
- Town: Strand WC
- Vehicle: Toyota Hilux 4x4, 2.41t Raider 1998 DC - front & rear difflock, 140lt fuel tank, 31" BFG a/t, snorkel, drawer system, alucab canopy, driver with attitude.
- Real Name: Val
- Club VHF Licence: X112
Re: Joke of the day
WHY????
Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke?
Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage?
EVER WONDER...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors and attorneys call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe,why do they call the airport the terminal?
Have a happy day.
Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke?
Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage?
EVER WONDER...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors and attorneys call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe,why do they call the airport the terminal?
Have a happy day.
- Pote
- LR 4WD Full Lockers
- Posts: 687
- Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 12:13 pm
- Town: Hartbeespoort
- Vehicle: Fortuner D4d 4x4 & VW Passat
- Real Name: Johan
- Club VHF Licence: X228
Re: Joke of the day
THIS IS WHAT
A SENSE OF HUMOR
LOOKS LIKE THIS IS WHAT
SAD LOOKS
LIKE THIS IS
WHAT
SORRY LOOKS
LIKE THIS IS
WHAT
BAD
SPELLING
LOOKS
LIKE PRIVACY
PLEASE BAD
JUDGMENT I'D
RATHER HOLD
IT PILE
UP
A SENSE OF HUMOR
LOOKS LIKE THIS IS WHAT
SAD LOOKS
LIKE THIS IS
WHAT
SORRY LOOKS
LIKE THIS IS
WHAT
BAD
SPELLING
LOOKS
LIKE PRIVACY
PLEASE BAD
JUDGMENT I'D
RATHER HOLD
IT PILE
UP
- Pote
- LR 4WD Full Lockers
- Posts: 687
- Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 12:13 pm
- Town: Hartbeespoort
- Vehicle: Fortuner D4d 4x4 & VW Passat
- Real Name: Johan
- Club VHF Licence: X228
Re: Joke of the day
FORGOT
SOMETHING LET
ME
EXPLAIN THIS
WILL
MAKE
YOU SMILE! HOW
TO HANDLE
A
PROBLEM
NEIGHBOR Good
Reason to
Wear
Pyjamas to
Bed!!! Tattoo
Of
The
Year Latest
Grill
Accessories...
These
are a must
have!
SOMETHING LET
ME
EXPLAIN THIS
WILL
MAKE
YOU SMILE! HOW
TO HANDLE
A
PROBLEM
NEIGHBOR Good
Reason to
Wear
Pyjamas to
Bed!!! Tattoo
Of
The
Year Latest
Grill
Accessories...
These
are a must
have!
- Hoppy
- Monster Truck
- Posts: 5784
- Joined: Mon Jan 07, 2008 10:15 pm
- Town: Cape Town
- Vehicle: Hilux SFA & IFS
- Real Name: Allan 0721291160
Re: Joke of the day
aev@iburst.co.za
The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
- WiJoSt
- High Range 4WD
- Posts: 75
- Joined: Fri Nov 09, 2012 3:21 pm
- Town: Rietkuil -Middelburg Mpumalanga
- Vehicle: 1988 Toyota D/C Hilex 4x4
- Real Name: Wian
Re: Kleuter verleentheid
Soos deur 'n ma vertel
Alida was amper 2 jaar oud en dit het heel goed gegaan met die potjielesse. Een dag ná haar middagslapie is ons gou Pick n Pay toe, sy met haar doek aan. Halfpad deur die inkopies kondig sy aan dat sy ’n piepie het.
Vyf minute later is ons terug in die winkel, dié slag natuurlik sonder ’n doek. Nie lank daarna nie voel ek ’n pluk aan my broekspyp: “Mamma, ek het ’n poef.” Toe ek afbuk om haar op te tel, val twee netjiese, gelukkig stywe, bewysstukke by haar broekspyp uit!
Ek het geen doeksak byderhand gehad nie en dam toe ’n verskrikte pappa by. Die arme man was so verbouereerd! Hy het ’n pak afveedoekies in een van die rakke gaan soek terwyl ek wydsbeen oor die twee knolle gestaan het om te keer dat iemand daarin trap. Tussendeur moes ek probeer om nie te veel aandag te trek nie, want dit was heeltemal groot genoeg dat enige omstander kon dink dis myne!
Toegedraai in afveelappies en ’n deurskynende groentesakkie is die pakkie toe in die trollie saam terwyl die res van die inkopielys afgehandel is.
My man, weer, het een oggend in die bed gelê en slaap met net die nodigste aan. Toe my dogtertjie wakker word en by ons kom inkruip sien sy die snaakse bult in haar pappa se onderbroek. Ná deeglike ondersoek terwyl my man probeer keer, kondig sy aan: “Pappa het ’n poef in hom pantie!”
Alida was amper 2 jaar oud en dit het heel goed gegaan met die potjielesse. Een dag ná haar middagslapie is ons gou Pick n Pay toe, sy met haar doek aan. Halfpad deur die inkopies kondig sy aan dat sy ’n piepie het.
Vyf minute later is ons terug in die winkel, dié slag natuurlik sonder ’n doek. Nie lank daarna nie voel ek ’n pluk aan my broekspyp: “Mamma, ek het ’n poef.” Toe ek afbuk om haar op te tel, val twee netjiese, gelukkig stywe, bewysstukke by haar broekspyp uit!
Ek het geen doeksak byderhand gehad nie en dam toe ’n verskrikte pappa by. Die arme man was so verbouereerd! Hy het ’n pak afveedoekies in een van die rakke gaan soek terwyl ek wydsbeen oor die twee knolle gestaan het om te keer dat iemand daarin trap. Tussendeur moes ek probeer om nie te veel aandag te trek nie, want dit was heeltemal groot genoeg dat enige omstander kon dink dis myne!
Toegedraai in afveelappies en ’n deurskynende groentesakkie is die pakkie toe in die trollie saam terwyl die res van die inkopielys afgehandel is.
My man, weer, het een oggend in die bed gelê en slaap met net die nodigste aan. Toe my dogtertjie wakker word en by ons kom inkruip sien sy die snaakse bult in haar pappa se onderbroek. Ná deeglike ondersoek terwyl my man probeer keer, kondig sy aan: “Pappa het ’n poef in hom pantie!”
- Hoppy
- Monster Truck
- Posts: 5784
- Joined: Mon Jan 07, 2008 10:15 pm
- Town: Cape Town
- Vehicle: Hilux SFA & IFS
- Real Name: Allan 0721291160
Re: Joke of the day
'n Man vang sy vrou met sy beste vriend in bed.... en skiet hom dood. Sy
vrou sê: "Jy moet aanhou met jou k k, een van die dae het jy niks
vriende oor nie."
vrou sê: "Jy moet aanhou met jou k k, een van die dae het jy niks
vriende oor nie."
aev@iburst.co.za
The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
- Donkey
- Monster Truck
- Posts: 5132
- Joined: Fri Oct 30, 2009 12:33 am
- Town: Johannesburg
- Vehicle: 2002 3.0KZ-TE 4x4, Eazyawn RTT, Snorkel, NudgeM Bumper, 38mm Ball Joint Spacers, 35" Maxxis Bighorns, Dastek Unichip, 60 ltr Snomaster fridge/freezer, 40mm body lift, Mikem front/rear with extended shackles, Bilsteins shox rear
- Real Name: Tumelo Thebe aka Baas John
- Club VHF Licence: X122
Re: Joke of the day
some good ones made my day
Tumelo Maketekete
Donkey, simple and often misunderstood.
We don't stop playing because we grow old, but we grow old because we stop playing!
2002 - 3.0KZ-TE Toyota Hilux (Letebele)
1994 - 1.6i Gl Toyota Corolla (Platkar)
1990 - Gli TwinCam 16v (ZuluBoy)
Donkey, simple and often misunderstood.
We don't stop playing because we grow old, but we grow old because we stop playing!
2002 - 3.0KZ-TE Toyota Hilux (Letebele)
1994 - 1.6i Gl Toyota Corolla (Platkar)
1990 - Gli TwinCam 16v (ZuluBoy)
- Thunder02
- Moderator
- Posts: 8033
- Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2010 7:53 pm
- Town: East Rand
- Vehicle: IFS Hilux
- Real Name: Neil
- Club VHF Licence: HC105
- Location: 4x4 Direct Boksburg
- Contact:
Re: Joke of the day
Hoppy wrote:
Not all those who wander are lost!
Scout motto:be prepared....
www.4x4direct.co.za
Email: boksburg@4x4direct.co.za
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!
Scout motto:be prepared....
www.4x4direct.co.za
Email: boksburg@4x4direct.co.za
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!
- Hoppy
- Monster Truck
- Posts: 5784
- Joined: Mon Jan 07, 2008 10:15 pm
- Town: Cape Town
- Vehicle: Hilux SFA & IFS
- Real Name: Allan 0721291160
Re: Joke of the day
An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule.
The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.
He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, can you dance?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I don't dance.. never really wanted to"
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.
Everybody standing around was laughing..
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers.
The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.
The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12-gauge barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said;
"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir.. but.... I've always wanted to"
There are a few lessons for all of us here:
*Don't be arrogant.
*Don't waste ammunition.
*Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
*Always make sure you know who is in control...
*And finally, Don't screw around with old folks; they didn't get old by being stupid....
The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.
He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, can you dance?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I don't dance.. never really wanted to"
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.
Everybody standing around was laughing..
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers.
The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.
The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12-gauge barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said;
"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir.. but.... I've always wanted to"
There are a few lessons for all of us here:
*Don't be arrogant.
*Don't waste ammunition.
*Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
*Always make sure you know who is in control...
*And finally, Don't screw around with old folks; they didn't get old by being stupid....
aev@iburst.co.za
The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
- Potifar
- High Range 4WD
- Posts: 57
- Joined: Fri Jun 07, 2013 8:36 am
- Town: Kleinmond
- Vehicle: VW Amarok TDi 4motion (WitWolf) Auto 2018 VW Tiguan Allspace
- Real Name: Gerhard
- Location: Kleinmond
Re: Joke of the day
Gister het ek by 'n robot stilgehou waar 'n man gestaan het met 'n kartonbord wat lees "help, no job. 2 days without food"
Vanoggend het ek weer daar gestop en soos dit maar gaan het ek my bes probeer om hom mis te kyk. Ek kon nie. Dit het my vreeslik gepla. Ek kon toe net nie meer hou nie en roep hom nader.
Ek krap toe orals in my kar rond. Gelukkig kry ek toe 'n koukie pen en help hom reg. Dis vandag dag 3.
=================================================
Ek sien nounet n veearts se bakkie met die volgende bumper sticker:
"Ek's n veearts, ek ry soos n dier".
Toe dink ek so by myself, daar is darm baie ginekoloë ook op ons paaie!
=================================================
Blondine koop 3 swangerskapstoetse en al 3 wys positief...
Sy vee die trane af en sê: "Jissie, ek weet nie hoe ek vir 'n drieling gaan sorg nie!"
=================================================
2 m-*-f-f-i-e-s loop in die park en sien 'n stunning vrou alleen stap deur die bosse...
Die een sê: "Kom ons val haar aan!"
"Ja!" sê die ander een. "Dan hou jy haar vas, dan doen ek haar hare..."
================================================
Ek word mos vanoggend wakker met 'n helse babelas en my buurman se grassnyer wat raas in my ore.
Ek reken toe, te hel daarmee, hy moet maar net om my sny, ek staan nie nou op nie...
=================================================
'n Grap is n grap maar jy plak nie 'n ''Arrive Alive'' sticker op 'n lykswa nie!
=================================================
My vrou was vreeslik beindruk toe sy hoor hoe baie geld ek elke maand vir Charity gee…
Maar sy was hoogs bef*k toe sy uitvind Charity werk by Teazers!
=================================================
Twee ouens sit en gesels.Die een ou sê: "Ek kan nie wag om by die huis te kom en my vrou se g-string af te ruk nie."
Ander ou: "Is jou vrou na al die jare nog steeds vir jou so onweerstaanbaar?"
Eerste ou: "Nee man ek dra hom en die ding maak my gat seer!"
=================================================
Die dogtertjie se vir haar ma: "Ma, die seuns by die skool wil die heeltyd he ek moet wawiele maak vir hulle!"
Die ma sê toe: "Moenie dit doen nie, hulle wil net jou panty sien"
Die dogtertjie se toe: "Ek weet, dis hoekom ek hom in my tas bere".
=================================================
Vanoggend het ek weer daar gestop en soos dit maar gaan het ek my bes probeer om hom mis te kyk. Ek kon nie. Dit het my vreeslik gepla. Ek kon toe net nie meer hou nie en roep hom nader.
Ek krap toe orals in my kar rond. Gelukkig kry ek toe 'n koukie pen en help hom reg. Dis vandag dag 3.
=================================================
Ek sien nounet n veearts se bakkie met die volgende bumper sticker:
"Ek's n veearts, ek ry soos n dier".
Toe dink ek so by myself, daar is darm baie ginekoloë ook op ons paaie!
=================================================
Blondine koop 3 swangerskapstoetse en al 3 wys positief...
Sy vee die trane af en sê: "Jissie, ek weet nie hoe ek vir 'n drieling gaan sorg nie!"
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2 m-*-f-f-i-e-s loop in die park en sien 'n stunning vrou alleen stap deur die bosse...
Die een sê: "Kom ons val haar aan!"
"Ja!" sê die ander een. "Dan hou jy haar vas, dan doen ek haar hare..."
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Ek word mos vanoggend wakker met 'n helse babelas en my buurman se grassnyer wat raas in my ore.
Ek reken toe, te hel daarmee, hy moet maar net om my sny, ek staan nie nou op nie...
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'n Grap is n grap maar jy plak nie 'n ''Arrive Alive'' sticker op 'n lykswa nie!
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My vrou was vreeslik beindruk toe sy hoor hoe baie geld ek elke maand vir Charity gee…
Maar sy was hoogs bef*k toe sy uitvind Charity werk by Teazers!
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Twee ouens sit en gesels.Die een ou sê: "Ek kan nie wag om by die huis te kom en my vrou se g-string af te ruk nie."
Ander ou: "Is jou vrou na al die jare nog steeds vir jou so onweerstaanbaar?"
Eerste ou: "Nee man ek dra hom en die ding maak my gat seer!"
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Die dogtertjie se vir haar ma: "Ma, die seuns by die skool wil die heeltyd he ek moet wawiele maak vir hulle!"
Die ma sê toe: "Moenie dit doen nie, hulle wil net jou panty sien"
Die dogtertjie se toe: "Ek weet, dis hoekom ek hom in my tas bere".
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As ons werk, dan werk ons hard. As ons speel, dan speel ons hard. As ons braai, dan speel ons nie!
- Potifar
- High Range 4WD
- Posts: 57
- Joined: Fri Jun 07, 2013 8:36 am
- Town: Kleinmond
- Vehicle: VW Amarok TDi 4motion (WitWolf) Auto 2018 VW Tiguan Allspace
- Real Name: Gerhard
- Location: Kleinmond
Re: Joke of the day
To Be 8 again!
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was
looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not
far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.
'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror .
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside
down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a
chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favourite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you f@*#*! retard!!!!'
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was
looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not
far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.
'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror .
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside
down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a
chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favourite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you f@*#*! retard!!!!'
As ons werk, dan werk ons hard. As ons speel, dan speel ons hard. As ons braai, dan speel ons nie!
- MOFASA
- Monster Truck
- Posts: 3095
- Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 7:27 pm
- Town: Kempton Park
- Vehicle: 1998 JEEP XJ 4.0............ 4 inch lift.... more mods to follow............ Old vehicle was MOFASA
- Real Name: Johno
- Club VHF Licence: X119
- Location: Kempton Park
Re: Joke of the day
Live Life in the FAST lane....
Forget the past, Embrace the FUTURE!!!!
To 4x4 or not to 4x4 thats the question....
IT'S A JEEP ..... You wouldn't understand....
[rimg=206x128]
Forget the past, Embrace the FUTURE!!!!
To 4x4 or not to 4x4 thats the question....
IT'S A JEEP ..... You wouldn't understand....
[rimg=206x128]
- Hilux 1
- Monster Truck
- Posts: 4125
- Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 2:24 pm
- Town: Brackenfell
- Vehicle: 2011 Raider 4x4 Double cab 4.0 V6
- Real Name: Tertius
- Club VHF Licence: HC137
Re: Joke of the day
http://keep0smiling.blogspot.se/2013/08 ... fails.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
hier is n hele paar goeies. het myself amper nat gemaak van lag.
hier is n hele paar goeies. het myself amper nat gemaak van lag.
- Thunder02
- Moderator
- Posts: 8033
- Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2010 7:53 pm
- Town: East Rand
- Vehicle: IFS Hilux
- Real Name: Neil
- Club VHF Licence: HC105
- Location: 4x4 Direct Boksburg
- Contact:
Re: Joke of the day
ThanksHilux 1 wrote:http://keep0smiling.blogspot.se/2013/08 ... fails.html
hier is n hele paar goeies. het myself amper nat gemaak van lag.
Not all those who wander are lost!
Scout motto:be prepared....
www.4x4direct.co.za
Email: boksburg@4x4direct.co.za
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!
Scout motto:be prepared....
www.4x4direct.co.za
Email: boksburg@4x4direct.co.za
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!
- Mud Dog
- Moderator
- Posts: 29859
- Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
- Town: East London
- Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
- Real Name: Andy
- Club VHF Licence: HC103
Re: Joke of the day
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
- Donkey
- Monster Truck
- Posts: 5132
- Joined: Fri Oct 30, 2009 12:33 am
- Town: Johannesburg
- Vehicle: 2002 3.0KZ-TE 4x4, Eazyawn RTT, Snorkel, NudgeM Bumper, 38mm Ball Joint Spacers, 35" Maxxis Bighorns, Dastek Unichip, 60 ltr Snomaster fridge/freezer, 40mm body lift, Mikem front/rear with extended shackles, Bilsteins shox rear
- Real Name: Tumelo Thebe aka Baas John
- Club VHF Licence: X122
Re: Joke of the day
Police: knock knock
Thabo: who's there
Police: police
Thabo: what do you want?
Police: to talk
Thabo: How many are you?
Police: we're 2
Thabo: talk to each other then
Thabo: who's there
Police: police
Thabo: what do you want?
Police: to talk
Thabo: How many are you?
Police: we're 2
Thabo: talk to each other then
Tumelo Maketekete
Donkey, simple and often misunderstood.
We don't stop playing because we grow old, but we grow old because we stop playing!
2002 - 3.0KZ-TE Toyota Hilux (Letebele)
1994 - 1.6i Gl Toyota Corolla (Platkar)
1990 - Gli TwinCam 16v (ZuluBoy)
Donkey, simple and often misunderstood.
We don't stop playing because we grow old, but we grow old because we stop playing!
2002 - 3.0KZ-TE Toyota Hilux (Letebele)
1994 - 1.6i Gl Toyota Corolla (Platkar)
1990 - Gli TwinCam 16v (ZuluBoy)
- Thunder02
- Moderator
- Posts: 8033
- Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2010 7:53 pm
- Town: East Rand
- Vehicle: IFS Hilux
- Real Name: Neil
- Club VHF Licence: HC105
- Location: 4x4 Direct Boksburg
- Contact:
Re: Joke of the day
Is this our forum ThaboDonkey wrote:Police: knock knock
Thabo: who's there
Police: police
Thabo: what do you want?
Police: to talk
Thabo: How many are you?
Police: we're 2
Thabo: talk to each other then
Not all those who wander are lost!
Scout motto:be prepared....
www.4x4direct.co.za
Email: boksburg@4x4direct.co.za
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!
Scout motto:be prepared....
www.4x4direct.co.za
Email: boksburg@4x4direct.co.za
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!
- Donkey
- Monster Truck
- Posts: 5132
- Joined: Fri Oct 30, 2009 12:33 am
- Town: Johannesburg
- Vehicle: 2002 3.0KZ-TE 4x4, Eazyawn RTT, Snorkel, NudgeM Bumper, 38mm Ball Joint Spacers, 35" Maxxis Bighorns, Dastek Unichip, 60 ltr Snomaster fridge/freezer, 40mm body lift, Mikem front/rear with extended shackles, Bilsteins shox rear
- Real Name: Tumelo Thebe aka Baas John
- Club VHF Licence: X122
Re: Joke of the day
Tumelo Maketekete
Donkey, simple and often misunderstood.
We don't stop playing because we grow old, but we grow old because we stop playing!
2002 - 3.0KZ-TE Toyota Hilux (Letebele)
1994 - 1.6i Gl Toyota Corolla (Platkar)
1990 - Gli TwinCam 16v (ZuluBoy)
Donkey, simple and often misunderstood.
We don't stop playing because we grow old, but we grow old because we stop playing!
2002 - 3.0KZ-TE Toyota Hilux (Letebele)
1994 - 1.6i Gl Toyota Corolla (Platkar)
1990 - Gli TwinCam 16v (ZuluBoy)
- AM Racing
- LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
- Posts: 1214
- Joined: Thu Apr 01, 2010 9:30 am
- Town: East London
- Vehicle: Range Rover Classic V8
- Real Name: Dylan
- Location: East London
Re: Joke of the day
Hoppy wrote:
Perpetual motion.....
- Hoppy
- Monster Truck
- Posts: 5784
- Joined: Mon Jan 07, 2008 10:15 pm
- Town: Cape Town
- Vehicle: Hilux SFA & IFS
- Real Name: Allan 0721291160
Re: Joke of the day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyUDjxGXjPY" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Got this one the other day, watch the ending!
Got this one the other day, watch the ending!
aev@iburst.co.za
The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
- Family_Dog
- Moderator
- Posts: 12703
- Joined: Tue May 22, 2007 10:09 am
- Town: Klerksdorp
- Vehicle: Hilux DC SFA, Hilux 2.7 DC, Hilux 2.7 SC, Prado 95 VX
- Real Name: Eric
- Club VHF Licence: HC101
- Location: Klerksdorp, NW
- Contact:
Re: Joke of the day
-F_D
White Fang: 1999 2.7i DC Raider 4x4
Bull Dog: 1987 4Y-EFI 2.2 DC 4x4
Pra Dog: 1998 Prado VX 3.4
Hound Dog: 2000 2.7i SC 4x4
One Staffie, One Jack Russell, One Ring Neck Screecher, 17 Fish of questionable heritage
- Potifar
- High Range 4WD
- Posts: 57
- Joined: Fri Jun 07, 2013 8:36 am
- Town: Kleinmond
- Vehicle: VW Amarok TDi 4motion (WitWolf) Auto 2018 VW Tiguan Allspace
- Real Name: Gerhard
- Location: Kleinmond
Re: Joke of the day
As ons werk, dan werk ons hard. As ons speel, dan speel ons hard. As ons braai, dan speel ons nie!
- Oupa Stig
- LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
- Posts: 1204
- Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2012 1:15 pm
- Town: Johannesbug
- Vehicle: Hilux KZTE 4X2 "Stagger Lee", Hilux IFS 2.7 4x4 "Loretta"
- Real Name: Mickey
Re: Joke of the day
Gerhard, behalwe om te sê dat daar 'n tyd was toe ek vir die All Blacks respek gehad het, maar dat ek vir vandag se all blacks (note lower case... Deliberate...) geen tyd het nie, gaan ek niks verder sê nie. Daar's ongelukkig net te veel sulke insidente met ref foute wat die all blacks bevoordeel.
I feel a lot less wise at 45 than I did at 15.
- Potifar
- High Range 4WD
- Posts: 57
- Joined: Fri Jun 07, 2013 8:36 am
- Town: Kleinmond
- Vehicle: VW Amarok TDi 4motion (WitWolf) Auto 2018 VW Tiguan Allspace
- Real Name: Gerhard
- Location: Kleinmond
Re: Joke of the day
Mickey, ek stem heeltemaal saam met jou. Nou moet jy nog die klomp All black ondersteuners hier in die Wes Kaap hoor, grootbek...dis nou die wat nog voortande oor het...
As ons werk, dan werk ons hard. As ons speel, dan speel ons hard. As ons braai, dan speel ons nie!