Joke of the day

werewolf · Post by **werewolf** » Wed Jun 26, 2013 11:08 am

werewolf · Post by **werewolf** » Wed Jun 26, 2013 1:13 pm

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werewolf · Post by **werewolf** » Wed Jun 26, 2013 1:31 pm

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Post by **CasKru** » Wed Jun 26, 2013 1:59 pm

in goolgle images search, search for "atari breakout"

Post by **Mud Dog** » Wed Jun 26, 2013 3:29 pm

That just killed a quick 10 mins and brought back some memories!

Post by **CasKru** » Wed Jun 26, 2013 5:17 pm

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Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Wed Jun 26, 2013 7:50 pm

MARRIAGE/MARIJUANA

For those who haven't heard, Washington State just passed both laws - gay marriage and legalized marijuana.

The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense because Leviticus 20:13 says, "If a man lies with another man they should be stoned."

We just hadn't interpreted it correctly before!

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Wed Jun 26, 2013 8:52 pm

Very good Allan.

Oupa Stig · Post by **Oupa Stig** » Wed Jun 26, 2013 8:54 pm

Does this mean "no gay / no zol"?
Coz I'm fond of my zol, but I really like my wife too... :problem:

KOBUSL · Post by **KOBUSL** » Wed Jun 26, 2013 9:28 pm

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid= ... =1&theater" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Thu Jun 27, 2013 9:06 am

Kobus se foto

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Ps; dis "off topic", dis nie n joke nie, dis realiteit.

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Thu Jun 27, 2013 9:08 am

SEX

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore...

A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

Post by **CasKru** » Thu Jun 27, 2013 9:12 am

Hoppy wrote:SEX

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore...

A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

X-Dors · Post by **X-Dors** » Thu Jun 27, 2013 12:41 pm

Land Rover

AM Racing · Post by **AM Racing** » Thu Jun 27, 2013 6:37 pm

They say you burn as many calories having sex as you do running 5 miles......

WHO RUNS 5 MILES IN 30 SECONDS?!

Post by **Mud Dog** » Thu Jun 27, 2013 6:43 pm

4 runner oldie · Post by **4 runner oldie** » Sat Jun 29, 2013 3:26 pm

A Fog horn moment .

Bushwacker · Post by **Bushwacker** » Sun Jun 30, 2013 11:46 am

:evil:

Bushwacker · Post by **Bushwacker** » Sun Jun 30, 2013 11:56 am

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sun Jun 30, 2013 3:27 pm

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 8:08 am

The lesson;

Don't leave your door open when a Hilux is about to pull away next to you!

Post by **CasKru** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 8:10 am

Ek het 'n vermoede daai maat het die slaappil en Brooklax kombinasie gedoen

Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 8:15 am

KOBUSL · Post by **KOBUSL** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 8:45 am

A Kiwi and an Aussie were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer.
After a while, the Kiwi says to the Aussie, "If I was to sneak over to your house and shag your wife while you were off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related ?"
The Aussie crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes, thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."

Post by **Mud Dog** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 8:57 am

Sjoe!

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:16 pm

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Tue Jul 02, 2013 8:41 am

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Post by **Mud Dog** » Tue Jul 02, 2013 8:47 pm

Gatiep on shopping ...............

Toe ekke kind was het my ma my cafe toe gestie mette R5-noot en dan hettek triggekom met een sak meel, drie brode, twie liete melk, een dosyn eies, ien kilogram kaas, een hele pak lekkes enne groot pilonie. Djy kan dittie mee viddag doenie nie daars te veel security kemeras!!

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Tue Jul 02, 2013 8:49 pm

Post by **CasKru** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 7:46 am

Post by **CasKru** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 7:57 am

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally

GI Jane · Post by **GI Jane** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 9:09 am

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 9:48 am

BLAME

How the world works lately...

If a man cuts his finger off while
slicing salami at work,
He blames the restaurant.

If you smoke three packs a day
For 40 years and die of lung cancer,
Your family blames the
Tobacco company.

If your neighbor crashes
Into a tree while driving home drunk,
He blames the bartender.

If your grandchildren are

Brats without manners,
You blame television.

If your friend is shot by a
deranged madman,
You blame the gun manufacturer.

And if a crazed person breaks
Into the cockpit and
Tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet,
And the passengers
Kill him instead,
The mother of the crazed deceased
Blames the airline.

I must have lived too long to
understand the world
as it is anymore.

So, if I die while my ar$e
is parked in front of this computer,
I want all of you to blame
BILL GATES

GI Jane · Post by **GI Jane** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 10:24 am

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 2:22 pm

How to get a Six-Pack!

Taljaag · Post by **Taljaag** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 4:30 pm

Post by **george** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 4:53 pm

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 7:26 pm

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 7:29 pm

Breaking news: Nelson Mandela is donating his legs to Oscar , so he can use them for his long walk to freedom.

d4dfanwp · Post by **d4dfanwp** » Thu Jul 04, 2013 9:54 am

hi ek redelik nuut en gedog ek moet die mail met julle deel

HIERDIE EEN MOET JY LEES.

GHOUT!

Ai, niks in die lewe bring groter vreugde vir 'n moeë Kapenaar met 'n
vis-en-hoenderdieet as 'n langnaweek in die Karoo of Vrystaat nie. Die
oggend, middag en aandvleisvure brand hoog en die vet drup uit die
vakansiebaarde, dis 'n geil besigheid man, geil sê ek jou, geil. Jou
beker loop oor. Soggens is dit skaapniertjies, middae skaaptjops en saans
ietsie kleins soos 'n steak of varkboudjie. Hier beteken 'n gebalanseerde dieet
'n tjop in elke hand. Tussendeur word daar aan springbokbiltong of geelvet
beesbiltong gekou om die kieste in oefening te hou. Soos met alle goeie
dinge kom daar 'n einde aan alles.
Die terugtog Kaap toe kom soos 'n dief in die nag. Daar word uitgestel
en weggepraat maar vader tyd het gesê dis Sondagmiddag en so sal dit wees.
Na 'n skaapvleis ontbyt word die langpad gevat met skaapboud-toebroodjies,
biltong en droëwors vir padkos. Voetslepend en klaend word die tasse
gepak en gelaai en met stroewe gesigte word die familie gegroet. Die stilte in
die motor is oorverdowend wanneer ons die N1 vat terug Kaap toe.
Edenburg, Trompsburg, Colesberg, Spietkop , Hanover , Spietkop, Richmond,
Kamera flits die dorpe verby. Drie Susters??? amper halfpad en die
Sondagmiddag trek lang skadu's oor die Groot Karoo. Ai, as ons maar al
die skapies langs die pad kon saamvat vir die mense in die Kaap. Hulle weet
nie wat hulle mis nie. Glo mos net aan vis en hoender. Hoender is mos die
nasionale voël van die Wes-Kaap. Na Drie Susters kom ek agter daar is
fout.
Groooooot fout!!!! 'n Pyn van epidermiese proporsies skiet my regterenkel
binne. Dit moet 'n beroerte wees!!! Ek sweer dis 'n hartaanval??? my hart
it juis in my skoene. Kry mens miskien 'n voetaanval, bosluisvoet of
slangvoet?
Die moontlikhede is legio. Die pyn neem alles oor. Die kinders wonder of
pa krismis gaan haal. Liefie wil weet of ek koors het. "Bel die dokter" is
al wat ek uitkry terwyl ek stotterend asem probeer kry en my lewe by my
verbyflits. Ek trap die petrol dieper in met my linkervoet terwyl trane
saggies oor my wange rol. Hoekom is die Kaap so vêr??
Vroulief bel die dokter wakker uit sy Sondagmiddagslapie. Dis NOOD
broer. Sy vertel in kort, afgemete sinne wat haar diagnose is. Dok vra hieroor
en daaroor en waar die pyn is en of daar ou rugbybeserings is in die
regtervoet. Dan 'n lang stilte. Ons albei verwag die ergste en ek ry
stadiger om die skok beter te absorbeer. "Nee" sê Dok, "as dit so pyn en
die pyn daar is en julle die en daai geëet het, daar geen koors is nie,
die pyn nie "loop" nie, dan lyk dit na ghout."
"Wat het jy in die kar? Het jy enige iets vir kinders vir karsiek?"
Dankie tog, dink ek, ons is al by die merrikasie, ons vorder. "O, setpille" hoor
ek vroulief sê. "Hy moet ten minste 100mg inkry". "Maar ek het net 15 en
20mg pilletjies" hoor ek vroutjie sê terwyl ek hard dink hoe ek die klomp
pille in my gat gaan opkry. Synde Dok op "loudspeaker" is, kan ek darem
self in my toestand uitwerk hoeveel keer gaan ek die prosedure moet doen.
Toe Dok aflui staan ek dadelik vas ? my hol is 'n "one-way" en ek het ook
'n binneste ? "Sal wag tot op Beaufort-Wes, daar behoort 'n noodapteek te
wees" sê ek kortaf en handel daarmee die gesprek af ter wille van die
kinders.
Op Beaufort-Wes is 'n noodapteek so skaars soos reën. Niks oop op 'n
Sondagaand nie. "Druk maar deur Kaap toe" kners ek tussen my tande uit.
Ek sit nou al kaalvoet met die lugreëling vol oop op my voet. Vroulief maak
die kinders en haarself onder kombersies toe maar sê eerder niks nie. Ek
wil my voet vries sodat ek hom kan afbreek en in die kar se boot terug
Kaap toe ry. 'n Man het sy trots en ek is geen hoender wat klein pilletjies
agterstevoorom pik nie.
Op Leeu Gamka is al my manlikheid moer toe ? alles is wit van die pyn.
"Vrou gee maar ? dit is nou of nooit, en ek "nou" liewer as "nooit".
Vroulief fynkam haar "toolbox" en kom met die fantastiese nuus ? "Hiers
nog 'n 100mg setpil". Dankie tog. Elke pyn het sy eie gewig. My pyn voel
baie swaarder as 100mg maar met pilletjie in die hand bestorm, of was dit
nou bekruip of huppel ek na die plek van verligting by die Ultra City .
Hierdie ding moet net werk, dink ek by myself en probeer moed skep en
myself opwerk en motiveer vir dit wat voorlê.
Ek worstel en sweet, maar ek weet hy MOET in, my moed gaan dit nie 'n
tweede keer maak nie. Dit voel vir my of ek die "bulls eye" van 'n
dartboard van die agterkant af op een been moet kry terwyl ek die ander
mense in die kleedkamer met fyn en sagte kreungeluidjies vermaak. Die
ding voel soos 'n pynappel.
Na dit vir my gevoel het soos ure se gesukkel is ek terug kar toe en ons
vat die pad verder Kaap toe. Die kinders wil weet hoekom pa se oë so
groot is en of ek vir hulle Rooikappie en Wolf gaan opvoer om die pad om te
kry.
Niemand sê verder iets nie en tot vroulief bly tjoepstil, sy weet wanneer
vraetyd verby is. Dit is so stil in die kar dat die kinders snoesig aan die
slaap raak. Ek sit nogsteeds met my pyn en trap die petrol al hoe dieper
om in die Kaap te kom. My voet pyn en my hol brand soos 'n koeëlwond. Ek
voel vuil, soos iemand wat verkrag is en die gebeure in die toilette op Leeu
Gamka is vir ewig in my geheue ingeprent. Wonder of ek nie 'n sielkundige
moet gaan sien as die pyn eers weg is nie?
By Laingsburg probeer vroutjie 'n geselsie. "Voel jy al beter, Skat?"
"NEE, <<Watch IT>> maar dis 'n skerp pil daai." Ek is sommer die moer in vir als
wat wit jasse dra. "Wat bedoel jy met 'n skerp pil?" wil vroulief weet. "Daar
is dan flippin alluminium om die pil man. Ek moes die pil omtrent
pannelbeat om die meeste van die skerp kante plat te kry. As ek die ding net so in
my hol gedruk het sou ek my teen die tyd al inwendig doodgebloei het"
verduidelik ek.
Die volgende oomblik smaak dit vir my vroulief het as selfmoordbomplanter
by Elkaida gekwalifiseer. Sy ontplof dat die kinders se lyfies so ruk en
hulle met hulle handjies bokant hulle koppe gryp in hulle slaap. Ek het
haar laas so hoor lag toe sy gehoor het van haar eerste swangerskap. Sy
sien die moerse vraagteken op my voorkop en sy bulder dit uit: " JY MOES
DIE ALLUMINIUM AFHAAL JOU POEPOL!!!!!!!!!" Met die trek sy haar selfoon
nader en ek weet die bollie word nou weer vir al haar vriendinne vertel. Dat
die verskriklikste pyn in my voet en 'n bradpyn in my gat nou vir iemand
so snaaks kan wees.
Ek moes myself verdedig. "Maar ek dog dit werk soos 'n kapsule. Mens
breek mos nie 'n kapsule oop nie, netnou vergiftig jy jouself met 'n oordosis,
die besigheid moet mos stadig mens se sisteem bekruip." My manlikheid en
intelek is daarmee heen. Die hele wêreld gaan dit ook nou weet. Vroulief
mishandel behoorlik die selfoontjie om die nuus oor die heelal te
versprei terwyl sy saggies, amper geheimsinng giggel en geluidjies van plesier
maak. Ek kry simpatie met mans wat hulle vrouens moer.
Dok is natuurlik die eerste om van my ongelukkie te hoor. Hy kan sommer
my lyding oor die internet uitblaker en die eer kry vir die beste mediese
joke van die maand. Dokters is almal etters. Geen setpil sal ooit weer
dieselfde wees nie. Hoe gaan ek die wêreld weer in die oë kyk? Gaan ek ooit herstel
van my ure van lyding en vernedering in die toilette op Leeu Gamka? Ek
raak hartseer en verlang terug na die tere liefde en simpatie van my moeder.
Volgende oggend is ek natuurlik 'n "celeb" by die werk. Almal wil net
bemoedigend aan my vat of 'n ou geselsie aanknoop. Wil weet of ek nou 'n
"stainless steel silencer" het. Ha ha ha ? lag vir jou gat man! Ek wens
julle kry die pyn wat ek in my voet gehad het in julle "silencers", dan
praat ons weer.
Ek weet nou nog nie of die setpil gewerk het nie. Ek sal moet wag tot al
die aluminium "corode" het.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD

ForYota · Post by **ForYota** » Thu Jul 04, 2013 10:55 am

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Thu Jul 04, 2013 11:02 am

Taljaag · Post by **Taljaag** » Thu Jul 04, 2013 12:21 pm

Vehicle Specs:
•41,500 km
•SUV
•2.0 L
•Petrol
•Manual 5 Speed
•4 Doors
•Silver

2012 JEEP COMPASS 2.0 LTD Manual
Smash and Grab, Multi-Function Steering, Heated Seats, Balance of 3yr/100 000km Maintenance Plan

Masekind · Post by **Masekind** » Thu Jul 04, 2013 12:25 pm

Hy is regtag MANUEL

Post by **Mud Dog** » Fri Jul 05, 2013 1:02 am

HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ....leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'oh my word.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

WiJoSt · Post by **WiJoSt** » Fri Jul 05, 2013 5:52 am

Well, I'll be damned !

A+ plus another +

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Fri Jul 05, 2013 9:17 pm

Very, very good.

Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Sat Jul 06, 2013 9:03 am

Well thought out

4 runner oldie · Post by **4 runner oldie** » Tue Jul 09, 2013 10:48 am

Hey Guys . There is a new kid on the block he will save us .

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Tue Jul 09, 2013 11:45 am

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Tue Jul 09, 2013 11:53 am

After a lengthy and costly investigation, the origin of re-occurring back problems, sleep deprivation and drowsiness of all government officials has been identified.

Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Tue Jul 09, 2013 12:10 pm

Cool,now we've just got to sort out Thys's hunger problems

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Tue Jul 09, 2013 12:15 pm

ThysdJ · Post by **ThysdJ** » Tue Jul 09, 2013 12:38 pm

Jeezzz with a bed like that I wont be hungry again... ever..

Post by **Mud Dog** » Sun Jul 14, 2013 9:42 am

: ns.jpg (17.2 KiB) Viewed 32320 times

You don't say!

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Oh my!! :wth:

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Hmmm .... never knew that!

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I'm sure Mrs Obama stands by her hubby on this one!

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Kinda makes one wish one was still of school going age!

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At least it's not with anyone else's .... that wouldn't be sporting!

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Ouch! That could have a crappy outcome!

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No sh t, Sherlock?

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Now there's a thing!

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Where else?

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How dare they!

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I suppose not!

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How sad! :roll:

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Remind me to try this! :razz:

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Surprised he had any pain at all!

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So profound!

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Yeah! Don't believe the crap they're feeding you!

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Why not!

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You go girl! :shifty:

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Huh!??

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As opposed to?

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No! Really?? .... No! Can't be! ...... Really??

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The buggers!!

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That'll teach them!!

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Nah! Never!!

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I'd rather not know!

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Makes complete sense!

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Oh Crap!!

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Miracle indeed! They've got skills!

ChrisF · Post by **ChrisF** » Sun Jul 14, 2013 1:19 pm

hehehehe ....

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sun Jul 14, 2013 1:55 pm

Post by **Haboob** » Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:29 pm

KOBUSL · Post by **KOBUSL** » Mon Jul 15, 2013 7:21 pm

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KOBUSL · Post by **KOBUSL** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 7:12 pm

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