Joke of the day

Share your jokes and funny campfire stories with us here.
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Please keep it light hearted enol. No serious stufs hey! :)

BEFORE YOU START A NEW JOKES THREAD PLEASE TAKE NOTE:
We are trying to make the technical information more visible in the Active Topics section. So we are trying to combine all the humour posts into a single thread. This will then more or less always stay on the active topics page if you keep appending your jokes onto this single thread. Your assistance will be greatly appreciated
dd6
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by dd6 »

Eish!!!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Bushwacker »

[quote=and you thought Brakpan was common?[/quote]

:silent:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Bushwacker »

My vrou, vat Valentines day nogal ernstig die jaar... sy het my pistool weg
gesteek en die badkamer deur af gehaal...!!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by CasKru »

Bushwacker wrote:My vrou, vat Valentines day nogal ernstig die jaar... sy het my pistool weg
gesteek en die badkamer deur af gehaal...!!
:mocking: :mocking: :mocking:
To God be the glory
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Obelix and Dogmatix »

Bushwacker wrote:My vrou, vat Valentines day nogal ernstig die jaar... sy het my pistool weg
gesteek en die badkamer deur af gehaal...!!
EINA FRIKKIE EINA!!!!!!!!! :lol: :thumbup: :slap: :slap:
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Obelix and Dogmatix »

I dialled a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep.
If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."


~~~~~
( I LOVE THIS ONE! )
My wife and I had words,
But I didn't get to use mine.
~~~~~
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
~~~~~
The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around,
you're not going anywhere.

~~~~~

God made man before woman...........
so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.
~~~~~
I was always taught to respect my elders.
But it keeps getting harder to find one.

--------------
A woman asks a man who is traveling with six children, "Are all these kids yours?"
The man replies, "No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints".

*********************************************************

Nominated as the best short joke this year...

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she replied.
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Hoppy »

Bushwacker wrote:My vrou, vat Valentines day nogal ernstig die jaar... sy het my pistool weg
gesteek en die badkamer deur af gehaal...!!
LMFGA!
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BBBBBBBBBabies

Post by Pote »

1
Last edited by Pote on Thu Feb 13, 2014 2:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:shock2: :shock2:
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Road Rage Karma

Post by Samurai »



:acute: :acute: :dance1: :dance1:
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"from this day to the ending of the world... we in it shall be remembered. We lucky few, we band of brothers.
For he who today shed his blood with me shall be my brother."
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Re: Road Rage Karma

Post by CasKru »

bwahahhahaha
To God be the glory
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Re: Road Rage Karma

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Lekker kry ek nou :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Road Rage Karma

Post by Mud Dog »

Hehehe ..... if you watch the tail of the clip you can see that the chase is now on ...... wonder how it ends ... probably badly, maybe even for other innocent motorists / pedestrians. :think:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

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Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Hoppy »

Brakpan toe.jpg
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aev@iburst.co.za
The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

:lol: :lol: :lol:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Hoppy »

Racism.jpg
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aev@iburst.co.za
The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
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Pote
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BBBBBBBBBabies

Post by Pote »

Kids1.jpg
Kids2.jpg
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Re: BBBBBBBBBabies

Post by Thunder02 »

Pote wrote:
Kids1.jpg
Kids2.jpg
Kids3.jpg
Johan is there something you want to tell us :twisted:




:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2:
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Joke of the day

Post by Faceless#00 »

Irish Girl
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Oupa Stig »

Amazing. I've seen all those expressions on my kid's faces. Now I understand...
I feel a lot less wise at 45 than I did at 15.
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*OLD CANS!*

Post by Pote »

*OLD CANS!*

He used to go to all the public functions...especially the picture theaters.
And he always carried a sugar bag to collect empty bottles and cans.

His name was... Albert (Tapper) Torney.
Everyone thought he was a bit eccentric and kids would tease and hassle him.
Then it was discovered that he sold the empty bottles but only some of the cans.

After he died in 1998 (aged 86) his large collection of model cars made from aluminum cans was discovered.

This goes to prove..."you shouldn't judge a book by its cover" - or a sculptor by his sugar bag.

Some of his collection ----

AMAZING!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Bushwacker »

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked, “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”
Maria: “Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze.
The first is that I iron better than you.”
Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”
Maria: “Jor huzban, he say so.”
Wife: “Oh yeah?”
Maria: “The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.”
Wife: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?”
Maria: “Jor hozban did.”
Wife increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did he?”
Maria: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.”
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth asks, “And did my husband say that as well?”
Maria: “No Señora… The gardener did.”
Wife: “So how much do you want?”
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Froll »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Road Rage Karma

Post by Froll »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: The first Cup.....

Post by Froll »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Road Rage Karma

Post by Pora »

:evil: revenge is sweet :mrgreen:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mylux »

:lmao:
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Re: Road Rage Karma

Post by Hangover »

Hahahahah hy wil mos n kartonboks wees
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Obelix and Dogmatix »

>> For all diabetics!!!
>>
>> One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy - reaches into his pocket
>> and
>>
>> takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon.
>>
>> He pours from the bottle onto the teaspoon and offers it to the
>> chemist.
>>
>> "Could you taste this for me, please?"
>>
>> The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the
>> liquid
>>
>> around and swallows it.
>>
>> "Does that taste sweet to you?" says Paddy.
>>
>> "No, not at all," says the chemist.
>>
>> "Oh that's a relief," says Paddy. "The doctor told me to come here
>> and
>>
>> get my urine tested for sugar."
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

:lol: :lol:
Yeuch!!
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

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Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Road Rage Karma

Post by Masekind »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
If you don’t build your dreams someone else will hire you to build there’s
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Faceless#00 »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Faceless#00 »

:mrgreen:
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Re: Road Rage Karma

Post by WayneSchalk »

Road rage is a biaatch but mostly the one who starts it get what he deserves ;-)

phpBB [video]

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90 year old lady does a backflip

Post by CasKru »

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To God be the glory
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Re: 90 year old lady does a backflip

Post by Obelix and Dogmatix »

NICE or not so nice depending on your age and gender!!! :mocking: :taunt:
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
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Re: 90 year old lady does a backflip

Post by Thunder02 »

10
For Finnish


:laugh2:
Not all those who wander are lost!

Scout motto:be prepared....
www.4x4direct.co.za
Email: boksburg@4x4direct.co.za
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!
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Re: 90 year old lady does a backflip

Post by Mud Dog »

:lol: :lol:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: 90 year old lady does a backflip

Post by Froll »

:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2:
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Re: 90 year old lady does a backflip

Post by 4x4BEES »

Brilliant :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

Malema and his bodyguards are making letter bombs.

One of the bodyguards: "I'm not sure whether I put enough explosive in this envelope before I sealed it."
Malema: "Well, then open it and look."
Bodyguard: "But if I open it, it will explode!"
Malema: "Don't be stupid wena - it's not addressed to you!"
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

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Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Froll »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Thunder02 »

Bushwacker wrote:The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked, “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”
Maria: “Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze.
The first is that I iron better than you.”
Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”
Maria: “Jor huzban, he say so.”
Wife: “Oh yeah?”
Maria: “The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.”
Wife: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?”
Maria: “Jor hozban did.”
Wife increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did he?”
Maria: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.”
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth asks, “And did my husband say that as well?”
Maria: “No Señora… The gardener did.”
Wife: “So how much do you want?”
:shock2: ouch
:laugh2:

:laugh2:
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Re: Road Rage Karma

Post by Paul Grobler. »

HAhahahahahahaha
Vat so bos bene ou bul :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Froll »

..
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mylux »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
:surrender: :surrender: :surrender:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:blushing: :blushing:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Hilux 1 »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
goeie een Kevin
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Thunder02 »

4x4BEES wrote::blushing: :blushing:
Could somebody in the Cape just check Tyhs's sheep glovebox :twisted:
Not all those who wander are lost!

Scout motto:be prepared....
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Critical thinking

Post by pietdevs »

Critical Thinking At Its Best.......
Woman:Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman:How many beers a day?
Man:Usually about 3
Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip (This is where it gets scary !)
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5,400 …correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No
Man: Where’s your Ferrari?
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Re: Critical thinking

Post by Tarquin »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
:surrender:
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Re: Critical thinking

Post by Masekind »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
If you don’t build your dreams someone else will hire you to build there’s
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Re: Critical thinking

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Critical thinking

Post by Samurai »

:applaud: :whip: :lmao:
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"from this day to the ending of the world... we in it shall be remembered. We lucky few, we band of brothers.
For he who today shed his blood with me shall be my brother."
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Re: Critical thinking

Post by GI Jane »

:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2: Traded it in on a Porsche.....
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Samurai »

'n Aantreklike boerseun sit by die kroeg. Hy suip die een
whiskey na die ander en tjank soos 'n baba.

"Wat's fout?" wil die barman weet..

"Ek het gister daar op die plaas op my perd gery, toe kom
ek af op 'n pofadder in die middel van die pad." vertel hy.

"Toe ek my rollie uithaal om hom vrek te skiet, toe begin die
pofadder met my praat. Hy sê toe hy is 'n towerpofadder en
as ek hom uitlos, dan gee hy my drie wense."

"Sjoe", sê die barman. "Waarvoor wens jy toe?"

"Ek wens toe ek is so aantreklik soos Bobby van Jaarsveld, so goed
gebou soos Brian Habana en so bedeeld soos die perd waarop ek ry!"

"Nou maar toe!" sê die barman. "Waarvoor tjank jy dan so?"

"Toe ek by die huis kom, kyk ek in die spieël en sien ek is deksels
aantreklik. Toe ek my hemp uittrek toe sien ek ek is gebou om te hou.
Maar toe ek my broek uittrek, toe onthou ek ek het met die merrie
gery!!"
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"from this day to the ending of the world... we in it shall be remembered. We lucky few, we band of brothers.
For he who today shed his blood with me shall be my brother."
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:shock2: :shock2: :shock2: :shock2:
Dis nie reg nie :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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