Joke of the day

Hilux 1 · Post by **Hilux 1** » Wed Dec 03, 2014 4:24 pm

obviously too much tome on hands....... LOL

Hunter26 · Post by **Hunter26** » Sun Dec 07, 2014 10:13 am

.

Craig

Bushwacker · Post by **Bushwacker** » Mon Dec 08, 2014 5:11 pm

FIVE UNDENIABLE FACTS

A wise person once said.

1. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the
best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

2. Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot
friend on a cold night after a few drinks -
PRICELESS.

3. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A
friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's
husband.

4. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Hansa,
Heineken, Castle, & Black Label. Men may state their
preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

AND

5. I haven't verified this yet, but it sounds legit… A recent study
found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than
the men who mention it.

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Mon Dec 08, 2014 5:27 pm

All valid points

Post by **Baasvark** » Mon Dec 08, 2014 8:11 pm

D:D:D

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Mon Dec 08, 2014 9:56 pm

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Mon Dec 08, 2014 10:12 pm

Post by **Mud Dog** » Mon Dec 08, 2014 11:03 pm

Hehehe! ..... The upside is that I've been camping and will be for the next few weeks .... nowhere in particular, just staying home!

It feels that way ... gas stove set up in the kitchen, LED lights around the house, inverters connected to spare car batteries ............... only thing missing is the camping shower and the tent.

ChrisF · Post by **ChrisF** » Wed Dec 10, 2014 2:07 pm

Gammat werk by 'n konstruksie maatskappy en kom eendag vroeg by die huis.
Meraai : Babe wat is vakeed?
Gammat : Allie mense met wie ek saam gewek het is dood.
Meraai : Wat het gabeer?
Gammat : Nei die lift se cables het gabreek en toe lost die lift control en almal is toe dood.
Meraai : Nou hoe's dit dan dat djy gesurwaaif het?
Gammat : Ek was toilet toe en toe'k trug is was almal kla dood.
Ek hoo hulle families gaan elkeen R1 miljoen rand kry.

Meraai : Djy is die mies useleste man wie ek ken.
Da velloor ek one million rands en als deer djou gek_kkery!

Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Wed Dec 10, 2014 2:46 pm

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4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:30 pm

Masekind · Post by **Masekind** » Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:32 pm

Jy sal nie kan laat slaap nie

Obelix and Dogmatix · Post by **Obelix and Dogmatix** » Wed Dec 10, 2014 4:22 pm

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science (AAFS), President Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death ..

Here is the story :

On March 23, 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head.

Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide ..

He left a note to that effect indicating his despondency ..

As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly ..

Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building workers.

Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned ..

The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife .

They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun!

The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Mr. Opus .

When one intends to kill subject 'A' but kills subject 'B' in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject 'B'.

When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant and both said that they thought the shotgun was not loaded.

The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun ..

He had no intention to murder her.

Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, assuming the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident.

It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother ..

Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger ..

The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

Now comes the exquisite twist ....

Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus ..

He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder.

This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window.

The son, Ronald Opus, had actually murdered himself.

So the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

A true story from Associated Press ...

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Wed Dec 10, 2014 4:28 pm

Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:53 pm

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4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Wed Dec 10, 2014 6:35 pm

Post by **Mud Dog** » Wed Dec 10, 2014 6:47 pm

Can you believe! :wth: ...... a new minister of health in the making? :roll:

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ChrisF · Post by **ChrisF** » Wed Dec 10, 2014 7:31 pm

Mud Dog wrote:Can you believe! :wth: ...... a new minister of health in the making? :roll:

rectum strepsil.jpg

kry ek dan nou n ongemaklike knyp .....

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Wed Dec 10, 2014 9:02 pm

As hy eers daar in is dink ek gaan jy vergeet van jou seer keel

Post by **Mud Dog** » Wed Dec 10, 2014 9:08 pm

At least your 'breath' will be fresh!

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Wed Dec 10, 2014 9:22 pm

Post by **Haboob** » Thu Dec 11, 2014 7:06 am

Re: Joke of the day

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science (AAFS), President Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death ..

Here is the story :

On March 23, 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head.

Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide ..

He left a note to that effect indicating his despondency ..

As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly ..

Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building workers.

Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned ..

The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife .

They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun!

The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Mr. Opus .

When one intends to kill subject 'A' but kills subject 'B' in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject 'B'.

When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant and both said that they thought the shotgun was not loaded.

The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun ..

He had no intention to murder her.

Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, assuming the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident.

It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother ..

Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger ..

The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

Now comes the exquisite twist ....

Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus ..

He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder.

This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window.

The son, Ronald Opus, had actually murdered himself.

So the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

A true story from Associated Press ...

This was surely this mans due date written clearly on his slate of LIFE. His death could not have been more coincidental and was certainly not investigated in this country...

Masekind · Post by **Masekind** » Thu Dec 11, 2014 7:49 am

Mud Dog wrote:At least your 'breath' will be fresh!

Pote · Post by **Pote** » Thu Dec 11, 2014 8:26 am

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Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Thu Dec 11, 2014 10:00 am

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Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Thu Dec 11, 2014 10:12 am

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Thu Dec 11, 2014 10:14 am

Eina.jpg

KOBUSL · Post by **KOBUSL** » Thu Dec 11, 2014 10:56 am

Ai tog.................................

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4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Thu Dec 11, 2014 6:02 pm

Post by **Family_Dog** » Fri Dec 12, 2014 11:03 am

Couldn't help but chuckle at this, first posted on the avforums.co.za

Dr. Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his undergraduate, graduate, and medical degrees in his home town and then left for Manhattan, where he quickly rose to the top of his field.

Soon he was invited to deliver a significant paper, at a conference, coincidentally held in his home town. He walked on stage and placed his papers on the lectern, but they slid off onto the floor. As he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently farted.

The microphone amplified his mistake resoundingly through the room and reverberated it down the hall.

He was quite embarrassed but somehow regained his composure just enough to deliver his paper. He ignored the resounding applause and raced out the stage door, never to be seen in his home town again.

Decades later, when his elderly mother was ill, he returned to visit her. He reserved a hotel room under the name of Levy and arrived under cover of darkness.

The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Levy?"

Dr. Epstein replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here and received my education here, but then I moved away."

"Why haven't you visited?" asked the desk clerk.

"Actually, I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I've been too ashamed to return."

The clerk consoled him. "Sir, while I don't have your life experience, one thing I have learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others. I bet that's true of your incident too."

Dr. Epstein replied, "Son, I doubt that's the case with my incident."

"Was it a long time ago?"

"Yes, many years."

The clerk asked, "Was it before or after the Epstein Fart?"

-F_D

Masekind · Post by **Masekind** » Fri Dec 12, 2014 11:05 am

KOBUSL wrote:Ai tog.................................

TOILETROL14.jpeg

Cost saving

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Fri Dec 12, 2014 12:24 pm

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Nou't ek ook iets geleer.

Post by **Mud Dog** » Fri Dec 12, 2014 2:26 pm

Nou't ek ook iets geleer.

... en ek ook!

... Blerrie Einstein, ek sê jou!

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Fri Dec 12, 2014 2:29 pm

Dankie Allan

Ek het altyd geweet ek sal iets leer op die forum

dd6 · Post by **dd6** » Fri Dec 12, 2014 2:38 pm

Dat die mense hulself glo met sulke nonsens!!!

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Fri Dec 12, 2014 8:06 pm

KOBUSL · Post by **KOBUSL** » Sat Dec 13, 2014 2:17 pm

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BREAKING NEWS: Bill Gates has resigned as the 'Chairman Of Microsoft'!!
Bill Gates has resigned as the 'Chairman Of Microsoft', after receiving a letter from Julius Malema
It Read:
Dear Sir I have some questions to ask.
Numba won) The keyboard alphabets are not in order, when will you launch the correct version?
Numba too) There is a 'Start' button but no 'Stop' button, where is it?
Numba three) I have already learned Microsoft word, when will you launch Microsoft Sentence?
Numba for) There is a recycle bin but... Can't seem to find it . Why?
En finally eh personal question. Why is your name Gates when you sell Windows?

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Sat Dec 13, 2014 2:28 pm

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Sat Dec 13, 2014 7:02 pm

Vir oom Thysdj

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sat Dec 13, 2014 8:46 pm

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Sat Dec 13, 2014 9:34 pm

Post by **george** » Sun Dec 14, 2014 10:00 am

Briefwisseling met Kersvader....

Aan: Liewe Kersvader
Hoe gaan dit met Oom? En met Tannie Krismis?
Ek hoop al die takbokke en die Elwe is ook almal gesond. Soos u seker weet, was ek die jaar baie soet seun. Ek sal asseblief ‘n X-Box 360 met Grensvegter klaar gelaai, en nuwe apple iPhone 5 kry vir Kersfees.
Groete En Geseënde Kersfees,
Van: Bennie Botha
*****************************************************************************************************
Aan: Liewe Bennie
Dankie vir jou mooi briefie. Die tannie,die takbokke en al my helpertjies is almal blakend gesond en hulle laat weet; dankie dat jy uitvra na hulle. Kersvader is egter bekommerd dat jy te veel tyd spandeer met videospeletjies en selfoontekse stuur. Jy is juis besig om bietjie lywig te raak weens te min oefening.
Daarom, en omdat jy so soet was, dink ek dat ek liewer vir jou ietsie gaan bring waarmee jy buite kan speel en van daai ekstra vetjies ontslae kan raak.
Geseënde Kersfees
Van: Kersvader
*******************************************************************************************************
Aan: Geagte Mnr. Kersfees
Siende dat ek my deel van ons soet teenoor stout kontrak nagekom het, voel ek vol vertroue dat u plan sal maak om my te gun wat my toekom. Ek wil nie graag hierdie feestyd skend en omskep in hofgeding nie. Verder dink ek dis bietjie vermetel om te verwys na my gewig, veral komende van ‘n oorgewig ou man wat maar een keer per jaar buite kom.
Hoogagtend die uwe,
Ben Botha
*******************************************************************************************************
Aan: Meneer Botha,
Hoewel ek toegegee het dat jy jou beter gedra het die jaar, moet ek jou daarop wys dat jou Kerslys slegs ‘n versoeklys is en op geen manier ‘n waarborg is dat dienste gelewer sal word nie. Dis egter jou volle reg om wetlike stappe te neem, maar neem kennis dat ek en my prokureurs al suksevol sake doen sedert dierebeskerming my aangevat het oor die werkslas van my takbokke. Ek is dus meer as gewillig om jou aan te vat in die hof. Verder wil ek ook net byvoeg dat die oefening wat ek voorskryf, nie net jou gesondheid sal verbeter nie, maar dit sal jou ook help met jou sosiale interaksie en selfs van daardie klomp puisies op jou gesig laat opklaar.

Die Uwe
Kersvader
**************************************************************************************************
....Kyk Hier Vettie,
Ek het jou nou klaar laat weet wat ek wil hê en ek verwag dat jy dit vir my gaan bring. Ek was maar net beleefd. Maar nou, omdat jy my in die gesig vat en my vriende ook nog bysleep, gaan ek hulle juis teks en ons gaan vir jou met jou dikg@t inwag en ek gaan VAT uit daai sak van jou NET WAT EK WIL!
Breker Botha
****************************************************************************************************
...Luister Pizzagevreet,
Is jy gerook? Dink jy ‘n ou wat by ELKE huis in die wêreld inbreek in een nag, sonder om gevang te word, gaan skrik vir ‘n snotneus soos jy?? Ek weet wanneer jy slap en ek weet wanneer jy wakker is, jou klein stront. Besef jy hoeveel kontakte ek het, my pêl? Ek is bedraad, ou maat! Op my rondtes sien ek siek goed. Ek het maniere om jou te laat bloei waar mens nie wil bloei nie. As ek jou moet vertel, skiet jy net daar ‘n kat op jou ma se duur persiese mat. Wees verseker jy gaan nie kry wat jy voor gevra het nie, maar ek gaan steeds opdaag en dan kan ons bietjie jou pyndrumpel toets.
KV
************************************************************************************************
Aan: Liewe Kersvader,
Bring vir my net wat jy wil, ek sal ENIGE IETS waardeer!
Bennietjie
************************************************************************************************
Aan: Bennie

Ek het so gedink.
Kersvader

Reinart21 · Post by **Reinart21** » Mon Dec 15, 2014 7:22 am

george wrote:Briefwisseling met Kersvader....

Goeie werk!

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Tue Dec 16, 2014 9:02 am

Post by **Mud Dog** » Sat Dec 20, 2014 11:35 pm

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Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sun Dec 21, 2014 9:13 am

Bushwacker · Post by **Bushwacker** » Sun Dec 21, 2014 9:35 am

:wth:

Bushwacker · Post by **Bushwacker** » Sun Dec 21, 2014 9:38 am

:wth:

Bushwacker · Post by **Bushwacker** » Sun Dec 21, 2014 9:41 am

:wth:

Bushwacker · Post by **Bushwacker** » Sun Dec 21, 2014 9:47 am

:wth:

Bushwacker · Post by **Bushwacker** » Sun Dec 21, 2014 9:49 am

:wth:

Bushwacker · Post by **Bushwacker** » Sun Dec 21, 2014 9:49 am

:wth:

Bushwacker · Post by **Bushwacker** » Sun Dec 21, 2014 9:56 am

:wth:

4 runner oldie · Post by **4 runner oldie** » Wed Dec 24, 2014 8:34 am

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Oupa Stig · Post by **Oupa Stig** » Wed Dec 24, 2014 10:27 am

Hey, my kids also browse here!
How am I going to explain that plane pic???

4 runner oldie · Post by **4 runner oldie** » Thu Dec 25, 2014 4:47 am

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, "Just so as you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some electronic machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the electric plug out."
His wife got up and unplugged the TV then threw all of his beer out.

Post by **Mud Dog** » Thu Dec 25, 2014 5:03 am

KOBUSL · Post by **KOBUSL** » Thu Dec 25, 2014 7:03 pm

BEWARE !!!!!! Beach police

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KOBUSL · Post by **KOBUSL** » Fri Dec 26, 2014 12:59 pm

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Tarquin · Post by **Tarquin** » Fri Dec 26, 2014 2:32 pm