Hilux 4x4 Forum

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special!"
Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger. "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - he was the perfect man . He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman ."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. I just married his damn widow!!..

Mud Dog wrote:

With retirement Andy it seems like you have your timing screwed up!!!

When it is Night (Dark outside) you go to sleep!! and not sit on the internet till 1:20 in the morning, or where you on those sites again??

No chance Quentin! - Don't judge others by your own standards!

It's crazy, but it seems that I'm busier than I was before retirement! My e-mail client (Outlook express) 'crashed' a couple of days ago and I was unable to read my mails .... after a lengthy battle in the time available to me, I changed to "Thunderbird", retrieved the 270+ unread mails and was busy going through them all until after 3.00am this morning.

Andy, by other sites I was refering to Facebook and news 24!! what are you reffering to?? and can you send me some links??

Ja, boet ......

WELCOME TOO THE NEIGHBOURHOOD .

In this neighbourhood they would also steel the four bricks & trolley...

Haboob wrote:In this neighbourhood they would also steel the four bricks & trolley...

Not to mention robbing the guy taking the pic

You seem to know my neighbourhood well Kevin...

I've been around a bit

Obelix and Dogmatix wrote:Andy, by other sites I was refering to Facebook and news 24!! what are you reffering to?? and can you send me some links??

So thats what they all mean

4x4BEES wrote:So thats what they all mean

Just shows you, only now do I understand all the little drawings

Now that's taking stalking to a whole new level

4x4BEES wrote:Now that's taking stalking to a whole new level

That's one way of sticking her with the bill

Started my day with a laugh ....


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As many of you might know its Chevrolet’s 100th year anniversary. Here are some billboards they came up with to celebrate.
These are actual billboards in Detroit, Michigan put up by GM.

Awesome - Darr is n hele paar goeies daar

Maar al daai karre ko net uit 'n 20-30 jaar periode waar is al die ander jarre?

Stem saam daar is 'n paar gooies

A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say,
"God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!"

WOW...

Sometimes I wonder They right, it must be a Sheep thing

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, and all sorts of things.

The grandfather is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long". Another outburst and she hears the grandfather calmly say, it’s okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there”.

At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the cart.
Grandfather says again in a controlled voice, "William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William."
Really impressed, the woman goes outside to where the grandfather is loading is groceries and the boy into the car.

She says, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. The whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying that things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandfather."

"Thanks", says the grandfather, "but I am William. This little bastard's name is Kevin".

Mud Dog wrote:A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, and all sorts of things.

The grandfather is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long". Another outburst and she hears the grandfather calmly say, it’s okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there”.

At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the cart.
Grandfather says again in a controlled voice, "William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William."
Really impressed, the woman goes outside to where the grandfather is loading is groceries and the boy into the car.

She says, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. The whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying that things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandfather."

"Thanks", says the grandfather, "but I am William. This little bastard's name is Kevin".

NICE

How did my story end up here???

And the joke of the day is.....

Ja nee

Eish...

It was not the Boks Fault

...Go Japan!!!

Good one.

I was facing a problem deciding who to support this past week-end... Bafana Bafana or the Bokke??????

So I took out my yellow Bafana Bafana shirt...

Then I took out my green and gold Bokke shirt... I still could not decide!?!?!?!?

Suddenly I had a brainwave...

I cut both shirts in half, length-wise and sewed the two halves together... Brilliant!!!!!

Now I have one shirt to support both... ... and proudly displayed across the front...

Hehe!

An Italian Arab

Not sure how much salt needs to be taken with the following, but then again it is totally believable due to it happening in the USA.

It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico , where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.
Here are the Stellas for year -- 2012:
* SEVENTH PLACE *
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son
Start scratching!
* SIXTH PLACE *
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
Scratch some more...
* FIFTH PLACE *
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish Keep scratching. There are more...
Double hand scratching after this one..
* FOURTH PLACE *
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.
Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..
* THIRD PLACE *
Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. Only two more so ease up on the scratching...
*SECOND PLACE* Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.
Ok. Here we go!!
* FIRST PLACE * This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma , who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down------
$1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

Last Tuesday President Zuma got off the helicopter in front of The Union Buildings - carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The chief security officer snapped to attention, saluted and said:

"Nice pigs, sir."


The President replied: "These are not pigs. These are authentic Limpopo Razorback Hogs. I got one for our Minister of Education Angie Motshekga, and I got one for our Minister of Police Nathi Mthethwa."

The chief security officer again snapped to attention, saluted and said, "Excellent swop, sir."

Treading on thin ice Andy, but very funny

Walking down the isle.

I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw the missus walking down the aisle towards me.

My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable.

It seemed to take an age, but eventually, there she was, standing beside me.

I gave her a loving smile and said, "Get that trolley over here, Love. They're doing 3 Crates of beer for the price of 2 !"

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