Joke of the day

Post by **Mud Dog** » Tue Jun 11, 2013 7:42 pm

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Froll · Post by **Froll** » Tue Jun 11, 2013 8:29 pm

Sliver · Post by **Sliver** » Wed Jun 12, 2013 9:54 pm

Goed opgevoede paartjie trou en hulle het mekaar nog nooit naak gesien nie.Na huwelik slap hulle in dogter se ma se huis oor voordat hulle op wittebrood gaan.Skoonma sit in sitkamer en wag dat haar dogter afkom om te hoor hoe dit gaan.Die paartjie is maar skamerig en elkeen kry beurt om te stort.Die jong bruidegom gaan eers en toe hy uit badkamer kom is sy bruid baie geskok om te sien dat haar man net een voet het.Hy het 'n kuns voet.Onsteld gaan die dogter onder toe en haar ma vra toe hoe dit daarbo gaan.Bruid se:Ma hy het net een voet!Ma antwoord verstom:En jy kla,jou Pa het het 2 duim!!!!!

Barrie · Post by **Barrie** » Thu Jun 13, 2013 8:37 am

Bushwacker · Post by **Bushwacker** » Thu Jun 13, 2013 4:45 pm

Liewe Kersvader,
Hoe gaan dit met Oom? En met Tannie Krismis? Ek hoop al die takbokke en die Elwe is ook almal gesond.
Soos u seker weet, was ek die jaar ŉ baie soet seun. Ek sal asseblief ŉ X-Box 360 met Grensvegter klaar gelaai, en ŉ nuwe Apple IPhone 5 wil ontvang vir Kersfees.
Groete en ŉ Geseende Kersfees,
Bennie Botha

Liewe Bennie,
Dankie vir jou mooi briefie. Die tannie, die takbokke en al my helpertjies is almal blakend gesond en hulle laat weet dankie dat jy uitvra na hulle. Kersvader is egter bekommerd dat jy te veel tyd spandeer met videospeletjies en selfoontekse stuur.
Jy is juis besig om bietjie lywig te raak weens te min oefening. Daarom, en omdat jy so soet was, dink ek dat ek liewer vir jou ietsie gaan bring waarmee jy buite kan speel en van daai ekstra vetjies ontslae raak.
Geseende Kersfees,
Kersvader

Geagte Mnr. Kersfees,
Siende dat ek my deel van ons soet teenoor stout kontrak nagekom het, voel ek vol vertroue dat u ŉ plan sal maak om my te gun wat my toekom. Ek wil nie graag hierdie feestyd skend en omskep in ŉ hofgeding nie. Verder dink ek dis bietjie vermetel om te verwys na my gewig, veral komende van ŉ oorgewig man wat maar een keer per jaar buite kom.
Hoogagtend die uwe,
Ben Botha

Meneer Botha,
Hoewel ek toegegee het dat jy jou beter gedra het die jaar, moet ek jou daarop wys dat jou Kerslys slegs ŉ versoeklys is en op geen manier ŉ waarborg is dat dienste gelewer sal word nie. Dis egter jou volle reg om wetlike stappe te neem, maar neem kennis dat ek en my prokureurs al suksesvol sake doen sedert Dierebeskerming my aangevat het oor die werkslas van my takbokke. Ek is dus meer as gewillig om jou aan te vat in die hof. Verder wil ek ook net byvoeg dat die oefening wat ek voorskryf, nie net jou gesondheid sal verbeter nie, maar dit sal jou ook help met jou sosiale interaksie en selfs van daardie klomp puisies op jou gesig laat opklaar.
Die Uwe,
Kersvader

Kyk hier Vettie,
Ek het jou nou klaar laat weet wat ek wil he en ek verwag dat jy dit vir my gaan bring. Ek was maar net beleefd. Maar nou, omdat jy my in die gesig vat en my vriende ook nog bysleep, gaan ek hulle juis teks en ons gaan vir jou met jou dikgat inwag en ek gaan VAT uit daai sak van jou NET WAT EK WIL!
Breker Botha

Luister Pizzagevreet,
Is jy gerook? Dink jy ŉ ou wat by ELKE huis in die wereld inbreek in een nag, sonder om gevang te word, gaan skrik vir ŉ snotneus soos jy? Ek weet wanneer jy slaap en ek weet wanneer jy wakker is, jou klein stront. Besef jy hoeveel kontakte ek het, my pel? Ek is bedraad, ou maat! Op my rondtes sien ek siek goed. Ek het maniere om jou te laat bloei waar mens nie wil bloei nie. As ek jou moet vertel, skiet jy net daar ŉ kat op jou ma se duur persiese mat. Wees verseker jy gaan nie kry wat jy voor gevra het nie, maar ek gaan steeds opdaag en dan kan ons bietjie jou pyndrumpel toets.
KV

Liewe Kersvader,
Bring vir my net wat jy wil, ek sal ENIGE IETS waardeer!
Bennietjie

Bennie,
Ek het so gedink jou klein pes.

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Thu Jun 13, 2013 9:04 pm

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Thu Jun 13, 2013 9:37 pm

subok · Post by **subok** » Thu Jun 13, 2013 9:58 pm

Uitstekend. My gunsteling draad op die forum...

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk 4 Beta

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Thu Jun 13, 2013 10:14 pm

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JEEPIE · Post by **JEEPIE** » Fri Jun 14, 2013 7:12 am

Here are the 5 rules for men to follow for a happy life that Russel J Larsen had inscribed
on his headstone in logan Utah.
He did not know that he would someday win the "COOLEST HEADSTONE CONTEST"

A cowboys tombstone,
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE

1. It is important to have a woman who helps at home ,
cooks from time to time,
cleans up,
AND HAS a job !

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust ,
and does'nt lie to you

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed ,
and like's to be with you.

5. It's very very important that these 4 woman do not know each other or you could
end up dead like me!

Mylux · Post by **Mylux** » Fri Jun 14, 2013 7:14 am

Take me now!!

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Fri Jun 14, 2013 7:58 am

AM Racing · Post by **AM Racing** » Fri Jun 14, 2013 8:15 am

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Post by **Mud Dog** » Fri Jun 14, 2013 8:20 am

Ja, ja .....

Listen, we don't support cruelty to animals

... (Swambo reckons it's the only reason you guys tolerate me!

)

Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Fri Jun 14, 2013 9:28 am

Mud Dog wrote:Ja, ja .....

Listen, we don't support cruelty to animals ... (Swambo reckons it's the only reason you guys tolerate me! )

We try to do our bit

Sebata · Post by **Sebata** » Fri Jun 14, 2013 9:39 am

KOBUSL · Post by **KOBUSL** » Fri Jun 14, 2013 10:11 am

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Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Fri Jun 14, 2013 10:45 am

KOBUSL wrote:
SPIT.jpg

Is that how you guys down in Wolseley do it

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sun Jun 16, 2013 10:50 am

Post by **Family_Dog** » Sun Jun 16, 2013 12:02 pm

Andy looks so young in that comic strip!

-F_D

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sun Jun 16, 2013 1:38 pm

Family_Dog wrote:Andy looks so young in that comic strip!

-F_D

Post by **Mud Dog** » Tue Jun 18, 2013 3:52 am

Andy looks so young in that comic strip!

I still do!

Mylux · Post by **Mylux** » Tue Jun 18, 2013 3:12 pm

Superhero

Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Tue Jun 18, 2013 3:21 pm

Froll wrote:

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Tue Jun 18, 2013 4:15 pm

I found a broom in my wife's closet......

Oupa Stig · Post by **Oupa Stig** » Tue Jun 18, 2013 8:50 pm

Witch.... I mean WHICH closet, Allan?

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Tue Jun 18, 2013 9:13 pm

Hoppy wrote:I found a broom in my wife's closet......

Looking for trouble are we?

Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Wed Jun 19, 2013 7:12 am

Hoppy wrote:I found a broom in my wife's closet......

no fuel costs

KOBUSL · Post by **KOBUSL** » Wed Jun 19, 2013 9:39 am

Hoppy wrote:I found a broom in my wife's closet......

Maybe MIL's ?

KOBUSL · Post by **KOBUSL** » Wed Jun 19, 2013 6:14 pm

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Froll · Post by **Froll** » Wed Jun 19, 2013 8:48 pm

Oupa Stig · Post by **Oupa Stig** » Wed Jun 19, 2013 8:54 pm

:shifty:

:shifty:
PS - dankie vir die tip-ex, Kobus. (family site and all...)

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Thu Jun 20, 2013 12:06 am

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Bushwacker · Post by **Bushwacker** » Thu Jun 20, 2013 5:20 pm

A woman comes home and finds her husband in bed with a female midget.
Furious, she screams "You promised you wouldn't cheat again .... !"
The husband replies,
"For goodness sake, can't you see I'm trying to cut down ......."

Bushwacker · Post by **Bushwacker** » Thu Jun 20, 2013 5:24 pm

My dokter het gesê as ek 'n lang gesonde lewe wil hê moet ek drank uitsny.
Ek het nou al amper 2 plakboeke vol prentjies van drank uitgesny.
As jy ook wil drank uitsny, die pamflette van Makro het lekker baie prente van alle soorte drank!
______________________________________________________________________

My dokter sê my hy kan nie presies sê wat is fout met my nie, dis moontlik al die gedrinkery.
So ek sal maar terug gaan as hy weer nugter is...
______________________________________________________________________

En ek soek asseblief raad vir sinus.
Veral oor naweke as ek Rugby kyk, want as ek sinus my glas leeg!
______________________________________________________________________

My dokter sê ek moet my drinkery dop hou, nou sit ek maar voor die spieel en suip....

Bushwacker · Post by **Bushwacker** » Thu Jun 20, 2013 5:25 pm

Jannie: "Pa wat is verloof?"

Pa: "Dis soos as Ek vir Jou 'n fiets vir Kersfees koop & dit al vir
Jou in November gee! Dan mag Jy nog nie op hom ry nie maar Jy mag
solank met Sy klokkie Speel!"

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Thu Jun 20, 2013 5:55 pm

Post by **Mud Dog** » Thu Jun 20, 2013 7:25 pm

Hoppy wrote:
Attitude 2.jpg

Good one!!

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Fri Jun 21, 2013 8:07 am

A woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco .

Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way.

The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes...

Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind...

A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her guide dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.

He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, "Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"

The blind lady said, "No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs."

Picture this:

All the people in the gate area came to a complete stand still when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a guide dog for the blind! Even worse, the pilot was wearing sunglasses!

People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

True story.....

THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.

Post by **CasKru** » Fri Jun 21, 2013 10:33 am

X-Dors · Post by **X-Dors** » Fri Jun 21, 2013 12:22 pm

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.’ The question was worth 70 points or none at all.
One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.
However, he wrote: 1) It is perfect formula for the child. 2) It provides immunity against several diseases. 3) It is always the right temperature. 4) It is inexpensive. 5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa. 6) It is always available as needed. And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote: 7 ) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.

He got an A !!!

4 runner oldie · Post by **4 runner oldie** » Fri Jun 21, 2013 12:40 pm

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Fri Jun 21, 2013 7:43 pm

Bushwacker · Post by **Bushwacker** » Sat Jun 22, 2013 8:30 am

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sat Jun 22, 2013 12:04 pm

Post by **Mud Dog** » Sat Jun 22, 2013 12:57 pm

Hehe!

Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:15 pm

Hey that's my patent

Mylux · Post by **Mylux** » Sat Jun 22, 2013 6:36 pm

Square Bob Sponge Pants!

werewolf · Post by **werewolf** » Sun Jun 23, 2013 12:14 am

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sun Jun 23, 2013 4:43 pm

werewolf · Post by **werewolf** » Sun Jun 23, 2013 9:11 pm

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Post by **CasKru** » Mon Jun 24, 2013 6:29 am

WESKUSKLONG · Post by **WESKUSKLONG** » Mon Jun 24, 2013 10:53 am

Mondays .

Post by **CasKru** » Mon Jun 24, 2013 11:34 am

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Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Mon Jun 24, 2013 12:23 pm

Monday blues

dustbuster · Post by **dustbuster** » Tue Jun 25, 2013 8:56 am

Irish COMPASSION

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women, from England, Wales, and Ireland, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The English woman said, 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The Welsh woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The Irish woman came to him and said, 'ave ya ever been fooked laddie?' The man broke into a big smile and said, 'no'.
She said, 'Aye - Ya will be when the tide comes in.'

Frederick · Post by **Frederick** » Tue Jun 25, 2013 9:52 am

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Tue Jun 25, 2013 2:50 pm

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Tue Jun 25, 2013 9:10 pm

LMFGA

WESKUSKLONG · Post by **WESKUSKLONG** » Wed Jun 26, 2013 12:09 am